


Their Fates Set In Bone

by kyrinasha



Series: On The Back Of Ouroboros [2]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Black Mesa Sweet Voice, But only in the videogame way, Canon-Typical Violence, GRTV Bad End AU, M/M, Possession, Skeletons, Sodashipping is minor, Temporary Amnesia, Temporary Character Death, They come back right away just fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 10:09:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25469080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyrinasha/pseuds/kyrinasha
Summary: Gordon Freeman died. The game, and all they had built afterward, has reset. But things are not quite as they should be, and the threads of forgotten memories hang over Black Mesa like a thick fog. What has been lost can be found again, but will it be enough to break free of the script? Or will the AI fall back into their code, a future beyond Black Mesa forever just beyond their grasp?Hollow eyes and bone-white skulls will rig the outcome, but the Science Team have never been the kind of people who play by the rules.A direct continuation ofWe'll Meet Again (I Wish We Wouldn't)!
Relationships: Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Tommy Coolatta/Darnold
Series: On The Back Of Ouroboros [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1843870
Comments: 78
Kudos: 232





	1. Gordon's Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Resonance Cascade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic uses the canon of [GRTV](https://gordonradiotv.tumblr.com/) by [Toonbly](https://toonbly.tumblr.com/), but diverges around Chapter 8! Being familiar with GRTV will help with some things, but it's not required reading and this fic should be comprehensible enough without having read it. However! I absolutely recommend it if you're at all interested because it's super good

Sometimes, Gordon wondered what he had done in a previous life to deserve this. Here he was, exceptionally late on the day of his big experiment, and now he was being shadowed by a creepy security guard who refused to look him in the eye. Because APPARENTLY some higher up decided that a company ID wasn’t enough, and a PASSPORT was required to get anywhere near the test chambers. It absolutely did not help that this weird little guard was setting off every alarm bell he had for no reason. Yeah, the monotone was creepy, and Gordon didn’t like the blank stare in his eyes, but nothing about that was inherently suspicious about a person. Hell, being a security guard was exactly the kind of job an impenetrable, stoic face would be perfect for! He was just overreacting to nothing.

If only he could convince himself of that.

But it didn’t matter. Gordon had a test to run, and damn if he wasn’t going to get it done. Besides, he wanted out of the HEV suit as soon as possible. Just seeing it out of the corner of his eye when he waved at a passing scientist was enough to make his stomach churn, and he hated it.

“Gordon, you’re late!” Oh, right. He should have known this was coming. He hadn’t seen Dr. Bubby at all today, and if anyone was going to make Gordon's day just a little harder, it was him. 

“Yeah, I know, I know.” He loved Bubby, he really did. But man did he not want to deal with the criticisms right now.

For once, however, Gordon was lucky. Before Bubby could start ragging on him, the security guard that had been shadowing Gordon caught his attention. Even Bubby seemed put off by his behavior, looking back and forth between Gordon and this uncomfortably blank guard before asking “Gordon, who the hell is this?”

“This is Benrey. He’s _insisting_ he has to follow me because apparently we’re supposed to bring our passports to work now!”

“You don’t have your passport?” Oh no. He could see the glint in Bubby’s eye. Like a predator about pounce on its cornered prey, except instead of a tiger, it’s an old man viciously teasing him over something dumb.

“Of course I don’t have my fucking passport! Do you have yours?!”

“Yes! Of course I have my passport, Gordon.”

Gordon blinked. Okay, that… wasn’t really the reaction he was expecting. Did _everyone_ know about this rule except him?! He could feel himself about to pop a blood vessel at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. “Well, no one told me!”

“And now you’re being babysat by a security guard. How does that feel?”

Gordon just rolled his eyes, determined to not add any more fuel to the fire under his ass. Before he could come up with a witty response (he couldn’t let Bubby think he’d won this one), a small explosion sounded out from the wall behind him. Whipping around, it seemed like a panel had burst from the wall-mounted server. Aaaand now it was smoking. Wonderful.

“Are we sure we’re good to run the test today?” Gordon turned back, intending to direct the question toward Bubby, but the old man was already gone. Bewildered, he started looking for where the hell he could have gotten to.

That was, at least, before he heard Bubby’s voice echoing out from the direction of the still-smoking server. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it!” No. He didn’t. He _wouldn’t_. Gordon took a hesitant step toward the hole in the server.

“I found the bug!” He absolutely would. Trying not to crack up, Gordon stuck his head into the hole. Yep. There was Bubby, illuminated only by the glow of the server’s lights and the occasional, blue crackly of electricity. Jesus Christ, how’d he even get in here. Bubby, however, seemed entirely oblivious to the fact that what he was doing was insane, and simply added “I think I’m gonna need a wrench in here…”

Not one to deny a man his wrench, Gordon grabbed one off the nearby table, passing it through the hole as he tried, and failed, stop the mirth from creeping into his voice. “How did you get in there?!”

The only response he received as Bubby took the wrench was a curt “shut the fuck-” before crawling back over to where the apparent “bug” was.

That was the final straw. The laughter that had been building in his chest spilled out as Gordon keeled over, clutching his gut as he howled with laughter. Aw fuck, he was crying. Faintly, he could hear Bubby yell “what the hell is your problem,” over the sounds of his own laugh, but it barely registered.

Still grinning like a maniac as he attempted to recover, Gordon turned to Benrey, some part of him expecting the guard to find this hilarious. When he met his blank, emotionless gaze, however, Bubby’s antics were forgotten. Gordon couldn’t help but stare at Benrey, tears still trailing down his face. His tongue felt like thick cotton, and his thoughts were static as he just… kept staring.

The clatter of metal against metal (some part of him recognized that Bubby must have dropped the wrench) knocked Gordon out his trance. Wiping his eyes, he stood, nodding at Benrey. “Come on. We should get going.” He winced at how hollow his voice sounded, but Benrey didn’t seem to mind. He simply nodded and tilted his head to the side, which Gordon took as his way of saying Gordon should take the lead.

So he did. And as the pair continued down the sterile hallways of Black Mesa, Gordon, not for the first time today, shoved down the tangled mess of conflicting feelings that threatened to climb up his throat every time he made eye contact with Benrey.

\----------------

“You can’t come in here, dude. You’ve gotta stay out of the test chamber.”

It was like talking to a brick wall. The blank stare wasn’t even creepy, it was just infuriating! No matter how Gordon tried to phrase the fact that Benrey couldn’t come in here, that it wasn’t safe for him, all he got in return was that same stupid stare!

“Even if you’re immune to radiation, its still not safe. I don’t know how to explain this to you.” He was about to give up. Even this weird little guard couldn’t phase through solid steel if he shut the door in his face.

“Sorry, I gotta follow you.”

Gordon, despite the fact that he was staring directly at Benrey when he started talking, still jumped a little. “Huh?” Smooth, Gordon. Real intelligent.

“You don’t have your passport. I have to follow you.”

“What does a- a _passport_ have to do with the test? This is the only door into the room, you can just wait until I get out.”

Benrey just shrugged, but Gordon wasn’t going to budge on this. He was _not_ going to let Benrey into the test chamber, especially not with what was going to happen.

Wait, what? Nothing was going to happen. No, wait, radiation! Radiation was going to happen and that would kill a person. Even if Benrey wasn’t human, the radiation still wouldn’t be good for him.

Gordon groaned and slid his ID card into the scanner, rolling his eyes as the door slid open. He stepped inside, then, before Benrey could follow, Gordon whipped around, slamming his hand down on the “Close Door” button. Ahah! Win for Gordon!

Except... he was exhausted, and it didn’t feel like much of a win. Slumping down against the metal door, head in his hands, Gordon took a deep breath and sighed. Today had been crazy, and he was less than an hour into work. At least, after this test, the rest of his day was going to be looking through the data they collected. Nice, boring data processing that couldn’t hurt him. That sounded nice. And all he had to do was get through this test, make sure his samples were in order, and not get irradiated.

“Come on, Gordon. You can do it,” he told himself as he pushed off the wall, stretching a bit as he stood. Nodding to the two scientists manning the door to the chamber, he stepped up to the proverbial plate. No use in delaying things anymore. Better to just get this over with and deal with everything afterward.

When the door opened and he got his first good look into the chamber, Gordon felt like he had been punched in the gut. Standing there, as if he was waiting for a microwave burrito to finish in the Black Mesa break room, was Benrey. A Benrey, who, he was damn sure, did not come through the _only door into the test chamber_ , meaning that he either climbed through the tiny observation window and fell the easily thirty feet into the chamber floor, or he _phased through solid steel and concrete_. And! At this point! Gordon wasn’t sure which one was more likely!!!

He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to laugh or cry.

“Look, dude. I know there are no predetermined deaths, but you… you can’t be in here.”

If he wasn’t staring directly at him, Gordon would have missed it. A microscopic flinch, the tips of his teeth far too sharp the single instant he winced, and that was all it took for a pang of regret that he didn’t understand piercing Gordon’s heart like an icicle. But before he could even think to ask, Benrey was back to his perfectly neutral posture.

“I have to follow you. Have to make sure you don’t steal anything.”

Gordon sighed. “Sure, dude. Whatever. Just stay away from the samples.”

The intercom crackled to life. “Alright, Mister Freeman! We’re good- we’re ready on our end!” And there was the Science Team. If he squinted, Gordon could just make out the three of them through the tiny observation window, the reinforced glass protecting them from radiation just as the HEV suit was supposed to do for him. Tommy noticed him looking, and he started to wave, but he hesitated when he saw Benrey, the gesture aborted halfway through. He bent over, likely talking to Bubby and Dr. Coomer for a second before grabbing what Gordon assumed was the microphone attached to the chamber’s intercom system. “Benrey? What are you doing in there?”

There was some more scuffling, words exchanged Gordon couldn’t here, then a distinct “give me that!” before Bubby’s voice filled the test chamber. “Don’t worry about him, just get on with the test!”

Not one to argue a position that would put him in the chamber (or the HEV suit) longer than he absolutely had to be, Gordon gave them a thumbs up. “Right. Hearing you loud and clear, Bubby. Powering on the machine now.”

Of course, the control panel for said machinery was placed on a catwalk for some reason. Probably OSHA compliance or something, if he had to guess. So, after what was probably the easiest ladder climb of his life, by the time Gordon was _actually_ in position to start the rotors and ready for them to send the sample up into the chamber, Bubby was getting impatient. Fantastic.

“Come on, Gordon! Hurry it up already!” He groaned internally, biting back a retort. It was all so predictable that Gordon was surprised he hadn’t worked with Bubby before today. It felt like he had known the man for years. Maybe that was just his generally-pissed-off attitude that made it easy for Gordon to guess what he was going to say next.

The grinding of gears and shifting of machinery drew his attention to the lower platform. Ah, there was the sample now. Descending the ladder, Tommy’s voice was the one that rang out this time. “Do you see the next step?”

“Yep! Push the test sample into the laser.” Fairly simple on his end. After all, the Science Team would be doing all the work monitoring the data gathered while he was in the chamber. All he needed to do was push a cart.

“Right! Very carefully! Slower... than molasses… drips of a spoon! :)”

Gordon found himself saying the words with Tommy, albeit under his breath. It helped loosen some of the anxiety that was threatening to crawl up his throat, and a small smile played across his lips. The comfort of familiarity fueled him as he placed his hands on the cart, ready to push it into position.

That shattered as he felt the pressure of cold metal against the HEV suit gloves, however. Gordon stumbled a bit, his lack of breakfast no longer a guarantee he wasn’t going to spit up something. His head hurt with a phantom pain, and the sense that something terrible was about to happen overwhelmed him.

“Gordon, are you alright?” Dr. Coomer’s voice broke through the fuzz of his thoughts, and he nodded instinctively.

“Yeah, I’m… I’m fine. Pushing the sample in now.” And he did.

Benrey hoovered in the corner of his eye, too far away for Gordon to tell if he had reacted to any of this, but, at this point, Gordon didn’t really care. Benrey could do whatever he wanted, he had an experiment to do.

Unfortunately, he was a bit too distracted to notice the exact speed that he was pushing the sample into the laser.

Before the first explosion even reached him, Gordon knew he had fucked up. As the second one hit, already so much stronger than the first, he realized just how badly that fuck up was.

A massive wave of kinetic energy sent Gordon rocketing backward, his head cracking against the concrete wall of the test chamber. He bounced off the wall like a ping pong ball due to the level of force released by the blast, but, surprisingly, he didn’t feel the impact of his ragdolled body hitting the ground. Someone had grabbed him, slowing his fall before lowering him safely to the ground. Another crack of alien lightning ripped through the chamber, drawing his attention before he could figure out who could have, would have, helped him.

As the chamber filled with bright, green light, the last thing he was able to process before he passed out was varying shades of blue and purple that held their own against the green of the Resonance Cascade, and the haunting sound of singing that echoed in time with the vicious sparks of energy that filled Gordon’s heart with nothing but regret.


	2. Gordon, We're Gettin' The Band Back Together!

As Gordon came to consciousness, the first thing he noticed was the fact that currently had one of the worst headaches he’d experienced in his life. _Maybe_ that one time he stayed up for 72 hours straight and consumed nothing but energy drinks, black coffee, and protein bars while he was working on his thesis could match it, but even that was questionable. The desire to sleep for a week in order to escape the consequences of his actions was definitely the same, though. But he didn’t have time for that right now. He had just caused an apocalypse, or something like one, and he had to find the Science Team. They were in the observation station when everything had gone to shit, after all, and he needed to make sure they were okay.

Groaning as he stood, Gordon realize that, while he was fairly stiff, he was surprisingly unhurt? Considering he had been thrown into a wall with enough force to send him flying and the explosions had clearly continued past when he passed out, it seemed strange that he wasn’t more hurt. He took a look over the HEV suit, and found that it wasn’t even scratched. Yeah, that was practically impossible. The amount of rubble everywhere, the destruction of the text chamber, _something_ should have hit him, even if it just bounced off. Something had… protected him? He vaguely remembered being caught, but whoever his savior was, he hadn’t been able to make them out. Great.

Taking a look around, he spotted Benrey. The guard was currently sitting on one of the taller bits of rubble, acting like he wasn’t staring directly at Gordon. Which he was. Blatantly.

Benrey was also unharmed, but that surprised Gordon less than it probably should have. Benrey wasn’t human, after all, so it made sense he’d be able to escape the Resonance Cascade unscathed. Because that’s what that was, wasn’t it? A Resonance Cascade.

Gordon felt sick. He was careless. He had known that the experiment could go wrong if he wasn’t careful, but he didn’t expect… all of this. As his gaze wandered over the ruined test chamber, a room specifically designed to stay together in case of catastrophe, his heart beat in his throat. What was the rest of Black Mesa like, if the test chamber was reduced to rubble? It may have been the epicenter of the disaster, but it should have held together better than this! It was practically unrecognizable now, the scaffolding having collapsed, and piles of concrete rubble lay scattered around the chamber like a bomb had been set off. Which, Gordon supposed, it had been. The only thing that was relatively intact was the laser mechanism, which was not only still working, but also was spitting a red hot radiation beam directly into the observation chamber. Which was... more than a little concerning, considering who all was up there during the experiment.

His throat felt thick as he swallowed his anxiety and turned, heading for the door. “Benrey? I’m guessing you’re not just going to stay here, huh?”

“Nope,” he says, popping the puh sound as he jumped down off the pillar, sticking the landing as if it were nothing.

Showoff. But at least that confirmed Gordon’s guess on how he made it through the Resonance Cascade unharmed. ...He needed a shorter way to say Resonance Cascade. Sure, it was dramatic, but it was too clunky for normal conversations.

Actually, if he had been awake the whole time… “Hey, Benrey?”

“Huh?”

“Did you see anyone else in here?”

“Whuh?” And he was playing dumb. Great.

Trying to suppress a groan, Gordon pressed for a real answer. “I felt someone catch me before I got knocked out. Not only that, but there was also this… singing? And colors. Pinks and blues, I think.”

Benrey blinked, almost looking surprised before any emotion he might have felt fell back behind the blank look he continued to wear. “I didn’t see anyone.” His voice was quieter, like a child caught in a very bad lie.

“Stop fucking with me, man. That stuff wasn’t caused by the Resonance Cascade, and I can _see_ that you didn’t get hit. You must have seen something.”

Benrey tilted his head, as if considering his options. Then, with a conviction Gordon didn’t expect from the sketchy security guard that made his heart do flips, he said “there wasn’t anyone else in the chamber.”

And Gordon believed him. As much as Benrey hid what he was feeling, if he felt anything at all, that was… surprisingly earnest. It had caught him off guard, if he was honest with himself and left him feeling a bit unsteady. “...Alright. Sure. That doesn’t _actually explain anything_ , but fine!”

For someone with only one visible eye to blink, Benrey sure was good at getting across the feeling of a lizard blinking one eye after the other, completely uncomprehending of the situation that they were currently in.

Gordon sighed, throwing his head back and dragging his hand down his face. Guess it was going to be like this. “I told you it was dangerous in here, you know. What if you had gotten hurt?”

It seemed like Benrey was done with the whole “talking” thing, though. He didn’t answer, instead returning to what Gordon was beginning to think was his favorite pastime: staring at Gordon for uncomfortably long periods of time. Perfect.

With a groan, Gordon started for the door. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Benrey following his lead, and, frankly, that was going to have to be enough for the moment. He knew that if Benrey didn’t want to talk about something, he would do almost anything to avoid the topic. And whatever those orbs were seemed to be at the top of the “not going to answer you if you try it” list.

Luckily for him, he could see that the door had been cracked open like an egg from the force of the explosions. Not great for the radiation that was absolutely leaking out, but it did mean he wasn’t going to starve to death in here. Savor the little victories, Gordon.

The state the hallway just outside of the chamber almost made him want to crawl back in. Emergency lights blared a violent red, fire licking at the walls and casting shadows like ghosts over the hallway. A scientist frantically tried to give CPR to a guard that, even at a glance, Gordon could tell was already dead. He had caused this. He was the reason why these people had to die.

Gordon stepped past them, continuing down the hall. A dark part of him was jealous of Benrey, who seemed entirely unphased by the corpses that littered even the short stretch of hallway they had seen so far. That thought was quickly stomped down, however. Benrey felt more than he let on, he reminded himself. Just because he could put on a face didn’t mean anything about how he was actually feeling, especially when he wasn’t around someone he was comfortable with. 

...How did he know that?

As his train of thought dissolved into static, he heard a shout from up ahead. It was filled with enough vitriol to set the room on fire, even more so than it already was, and Gordon recognized it instantly.

“HEY!” Ah, Bubby. Never change. “What the FUCK, Gordon! What the hell was that!? You fucked up the entire experiment!”

“How could I have known that following the procedure was going to fuck up the entire experiment,” he shot back, but he didn’t mean it. He should have known. Something in his previous research should have shown that performing a test at this size would cause something this catastrophic.

And it seemed that Bubby, ever the genius, had the same idea. “How could you have _not_ known?! It was your experiment! You designed the damned thing! It’s literally your goddamn job to know how it could fuck up!”

Bubby flinched even as the final words passed his lips. Considering how obviously guilty Gordon must have looked, he wasn’t surprised. The old man was rude and consistently pissed off, but he wasn’t cruel. “Bubby-”

He was cut off before he could tell Bubby he was right. “Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh. We should get a move on.” He stood. And he walked straight down the hallway. And nothing about this left any room for argument, so Gordon, not for the first time today, just sighed. “Get a move on, Gordon! The apocalypse won’t escape itself!”

It took one of those awkward half-jogs that are usually saved to get across traffic to do so, but he caught up with Bubby quickly enough. The good doctor’s face was contorted in a grimace, and his eyes flickered around like he was deep in thought. But before Gordon could even get his name out, Bubby began to speak. “Not everyone can be as smart as I am, Gordon. It’s only natural for you to make mistakes like this from time to time.”

...What? Bubby apologizing? Really? Well, it was as close as Bubby could get to apologizing, considering saying you’re sorry meant admitting you could make a mistake in the first place. It was enough to stop Gordon in his tracks. Quickening his pace to catch up again ( _how could he move so fast-_ ), Gordon wasn’t going to let Bubby have the last word for the nth time today. “No, you were right. It _was_ my fault. I had no idea that a Resonance Cascade could be set off that easily. Our safety procedures weren’t designed for something like _that_ , and that _is_ my fault.”

“Oh yeah? If you think you’re so smart, then what should you have done? What _safety procedures_ would have possibly stopped _that_ , Gordon?”

Gordon opened his mouth, ready to start listing off the options, but something stopped him. He… didn’t know. In all his experience with Xen crystals, nothing would have even hinted that a Resonance Cascade was possible from simply pushing the cart in too fast. Hell, the slow introduction of crystals was just supposed to be a redundancy! An extra bit of safety that was more there to satisfy HR than to actually make a difference in testing. A Resonance Cascade was always a possibility, of course. The anomalous propertied of Xen crystals were never fully documented, and the way they interacted with things was unpredictable at best. But that’s why they had run so many small-scale tests. That’s why there were so many barriers and protocols in place. It shouldn’t have come down to pushing a cart into a laser a half-second too quickly.

And yet… Gordon couldn’t shake the feeling that it was still all his fault. He could have, should have, known better. He was the one who made the mistake, and now everyone in Black Mesa was paying for it.

Silence hung between the two of them as they walked on. Bubby looked like he wanted to say something, but whatever thoughts he may have had were interrupted as they heard voices beyond the next set of doors.

Ah, there were a few scientists in here. The two men weren’t too terribly injured, and they nodded to Gordon and Bubby as they entered. Just as Gordon was thought this place might be safe enough to continue their previous conversation, a shout rang out.

“Look out, Mister Freeman! There’s headcrabs!” Just as Gordon began to turn, and as he realized he didn’t have a weapon, he heard it. A gunshot, an unearthly screech, and a dull thud as the headcrab crashed into the ground. By the time he had finished turning, Tommy was standing there, pistol in hands, and the headcrab was dead on the ground. Gordon tapped it a bit with his foot, but it was mostly just for show. The thing had a bullet hole directly through where he’d guess the brain was. Nothing was surviving that.

“Nice shooting, Tommy!” Bubby’s cheer rang out, and Gordon couldn’t help but nod. For someone who had never held a gun before, that was one hell of a shot.

Gordon flexed his hand before realizing that he still lacked a weapon of his own. “You wouldn’t have happened to pick up more than just the one gun, would you, Tommy?”

Tommy grinned, pulling out a crowbar before he tossed it to Gordon. “Yep! Right- right here, Mister Freeman!”

As his hand curled around the cold, familiar metal of the crowbar, it felt like a part of his soul had slotted into place. For the first time today, even if it was only for a moment, something felt _right_. He had a weapon, now. He wasn’t defenseless, three quarters of the Science Team were here, and the static buzzing at the back of his mind had finally cleared.

Of course, it couldn’t last. But even after the euphoria of having his crowbar faded, it was still a comforting presence in his hands. It was physical, real, in a place where Gordon felt like a strong breeze could push him over. The crowbar grounded him, made him feel more solid, and he needed that right now.

Then Benrey walked through the door, and Gordon suddenly felt simultaneously a whole lot worse and a whole lot better. Because while Tommy immediately and animatedly started talking to Benrey, questioning him about where he had been, Gordon was stuck staring at the door. There, just barely visible through the glass, was a skeleton. Then, in the time it took him to blink, it was gone. Tommy and Benrey’s conversation buzzed in the back of his mind, but all he could hear was the blood racing through his head. Vaguely, he registered that his fingers hurt.

The sensation gave him something to focus on, though. His hand was clenched too-tight against the crowbar, and, taking a deep breath, Gordon forced himself to relax his grip. It was gone now, whatever it was. And it couldn’t hurt his team if it wasn’t around. Or… that’s what he told himself, at least.

Taking a deep breath, Gordon finally managed to tune-in to on what Tommy and Benrey were talking about. Something about Benrey being in the chamber? Tommy was concerned? That sounded about right, yeah.

“Benrey, what’s- what was really going on? I- We’re friends, so- so please. You can tell me, I pro- I promise.”

Benrey looked… almost a bit guilty at that. He tried to avoid Tommy’s gaze, only to fall into direct eye contact with Gordon, instead. Whatever Benrey felt about that, it was enough for him to put his metaphorical mask back on, and any emotion Tommy had managed to get out of him vanished. “I just had to do my job, bro. He didn’t have his passport.”

Tommy wasn’t satisfied, but Gordon stepped in. “Look, the two of you can argue about this later. Right now, there’s aliens appearing out of thin air and the facility is falling apart. We need to see if there are any other survivors and get out of here. Alright?”

It looked like Tommy wanted to argue more, but he just nodded. “Dr. Coomer was- he was just at the observation room! We should go make sure he’s okay!”

Bubby perked up at this, while Benrey just looked relieved that he was no longer the center of attention. “What the hell are we waiting for, then,” Bubby practically shouted, waving a gun Gordon was certain he did _not_ have 30 seconds ago around wildly. “Let’s get a move on!”

Hey, he wasn’t going to argue with that. With a nod and a gesture, Gordon led the Science Team onward.

\----------------

“Ah! Hello, Gordon!”

Just as Tommy said, they found Dr. Coomer in the wreckage of the observation station. He was currently elbow-deep in the terminal, attempting to get communications online. Which would be fine, _if he wasn’t less than ten feet from a giant radiation laser blasting in from the test chamber._

Gordon could feel the stress shaving time off his lifespan.

Dr. Coomer stood, taking a step back as he declared “communications are down all across the network, Gordon!” Gordon rushed forward to pull him back from the _flickering death laser_ , but before he could, Bubby grabbed the back of his HEV suit and yanked him backward.

“Hey! What the hell was that for, man?”

Bubby looked at him like he was an idiot. “Do you not see the massive fucking radiation beam, Gordon? That thing would eat right through your suit and fry you from the inside out!”

“Of course I saw it! And Dr. Coomer’s _right next to it!_ ”

“So???” God, that response alone probably took off another three months.

“Now Gordon,” Dr. Coomer started, still far too close to the death laser, “it’s important to be aware of hazards. While you are protected from radiation do to your Hazardous Environment Suit, many hazards in the ruins of Black Mesa are-”

And that was when he took a step backward, directly into the scary death laser. His body flopped over like a ragdoll, dead. Gordon facepalmed. Right when it had flickered back on, too. Good job, Dr. Coomer.

Of course, Gordon wasn’t _worried_ about it. Dr. Coomer would be back in a second, right as rain. But it was the principle of the thing!

He turned back to the Science Team just in time to see Dr. Coomer walk through the door they had entered from. “Hello, Gordon!”

“Dr. Coomer, please...” But the older scientist ignored him, stepping into the room and balancing his tiptoes to plant a kiss on Bubby’s cheek.

“Harold!” Bubby stammered, his cheeks dusted with pale pink. “ _Not in front of the kids_ ,” his voice was a harsh whisper, as if they weren’t all standing within five feet of each other. Dr. Coomer simply smiled, taking his partners hand in his own.

“Come now, Professor dear. What’s a little affection during a catastrophe? Surely these gentlemen can handle a kiss after all they’ve been through.” Turning back to Gordon as Bubby muttered a halfhearted “doctor-”, he said, “well, Gordon, we’d better get a move on if we want to make it to the surface!”

Gordon couldn’t suppress a snort at that. It was sweet. “Alright, let’s get moving, everyone.”

He was halfway through his first step before Tommy grabbed his arm. “Mister Freeman, be- watch out for the laser.”

It was off when he had started moving, Gordon would have made it through just fine. Sure it was back on now, but he had figured out the pattern! It was fine! But… the concern in Tommy’s eyes made him hesitate. “I know, Tommy. I’ll be careful, I promise.”

That seemed to satisfy him, as he let go of Gordon’s arm, giving him a firm, but concerned, nod.

Having satisfied whatever paranoia the Science Team had about him dying, Gordon dodged past the giant laser without issue and, once the rest of the Science Team had also successfully made it past, he took the first steps on the long journey forward.

Something in him told Gordon that he was in for one hell of a ride. But with the Science Team back together and by his side, he knew that they could handle just about anything.


	3. You Took Everything From Me

Truly, Black Mesa was not a facility designed to be cleanly evacuated in the event of an emergency, because what Gordon had to deal with in the last twenty minutes? It was a special kind of hell.

First, it was the lasers. Just… random lasers in the middle of a hallway pointing in all sorts of directions. For some reason. Gordon had no idea where they had come from in the first place, much less what they were doing bursting out of the walls like a video game obstacle. It didn’t feel real. That wasn’t how real life worked! Why did Black Mesa have a laser defense grid but only in this random hallway?

It made his head hurt to think about it.

That seemed to be happening a lot lately, now that Gordon thought about it. Whenever he tried to think about certain things too hard, his headache got worse. Pushing through it, forcing himself to keep thinking despite the pain, didn’t work, either. He wasn’t concerned when Dr. Coomer was killed by the laser, and he certainly wasn’t surprised when he was back less than a minute later. All of that registered as normal to him. The dying wasn’t the issue he was stuck on. Hell, it wasn’t even the fact that the Science Team dying, because he had realized that nonchalance about death extended to the rest of them as well, was normal that confused him.

It was that he couldn’t remember _why_. People dying was, typically, bad. They didn’t come back to life afterward. On some level, the science team knew this, too, because they were clearly worried about _Gordon_ dying. But whenever he tried to think too hard on _why_ he wasn’t concerned, his headache got worse and his thoughts began to fray around the edges. Entire trains of thought dissolved into static, any conclusions he might have lost in a fog he couldn’t penetrate.

God, it made Gordon want to punch something. He could only imagine how frustrating it must have been for...

He was getting off track.

After they had made it through the lasers, the elevator shaft was terrible for an entirely different reason. Even as he approached, his gut told him to stay away. To go back, find a different way up. But Black Mesa was nothing if not terribly designed, and that elevator was the only way up to the next floor.

Considering the state of the facility, maybe he shouldn’t have been surprised that, upon pressing the button to call the elevator, the cable snapped. Gordon had watched three scientists fall to their deaths, while Coomer had “helpfully” added them to his death tally. Like he needed the reminder that he was the reason all of these people had to die.

Then Bubby had gotten stuck on the ladder. Because _apparently_ he was afraid of heights! So Gordon, as the one going up the ladder after him, had to him push him and his bony ass the rest of the way up.

All in all, Gordon knew nothing but relief when he realized they were close to the break room. Getting the Science Team to go anywhere may have been like herding cats, but even cats could be lured with the promise of soda or... something. He could work on the metaphors later.

For now, he was basking in the fluorescent lights of the mostly-intact break room. The vending machines were already broken open, popped like water balloons by Gordon as soon as they had arrived, and he was taking a moment to relax. The horrible, visceral, entirely unpleasant sounds of the Science Team slurping down an entire vending machines’ worth of soda was like music to his ears. Gordon leaned back in the chair, smiling fondly as he sipped on the singular soda can he had nabbed from the wreckage before his team descended upon it. He couldn’t help but smile as the disgustingly wet slurping noises reached their crescendo. His little family was undeniably strange, himself included, but he loved them all the same.

...Wait, what?

That couldn’t be right. It felt _right_ , in the same way that being in the HEV suit felt wrong, but there was no reason for it. He had met three of these people today! If Gordon was stretching it, he could maybe consider _Bubby_ a non-stranger, given how long he had known Dr. Coomer, but even that was pushing it. Tommy and Benrey? He hadn’t even known they had existed before today.

So how had he known their names?

How did he know that Tommy used soda to see faster? That Bubby’s favorite drink was bug juice? That Benrey didn’t want to-

The pain hit him immediately, like someone was sending a spike directly through his head. Gordon doubled over, the soda can he was drinking out of forgotten as the last dregs of soda sloshed onto the floor. It felt like his head was splitting open, static buzzing in his ears and all he wanted to do was throw up. Someone was speaking, but he couldn’t recognize who it was because he _didn’t know these people whycouldn’therememberthemwhywasthatsoterrifyingwhy-_

Someone slapped him, and it felt like he was taking his first breath of fresh air after being underwater for far too long. His hands fell down in front of his face, one of them ever so slightly blurry, like he couldn’t focus on it for too long. Looking up, he made eye contact with Tommy, who looked so very worried. The static faded, and Gordon blinked.

Apparently his episode had stopped whatever soda reverie breaking into a vending machine triggered in the Science Team, because now they were all standing at him. Some cans hadn’t even been opened yet. Vaguely, he registered than Benrey wasn’t here anymore.

“Mister Freeman..? Are you- are you alright?”

“Whuh?” A highly intelligent response, Gordon. Good job. “I mean, uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m fine, Tommy.”

Tommy looked like he was going to say something about that, but Bubby interrupted him. “What the hell was that, then?”

Gordon was lucky had the perfect excuse. “Hit my head during the ResCas when I was flung backward. I just need a medical station, it’s fine.”

“Did- are you concussed?”

Gordon shook his head. “I don’t think so, Tommy. I’ll be fine, really.”

...Yeah, none of them believed that. But Gordon was nothing if not stubborn, and he wasn’t going to let his team get stuck on worrying about him. He was fine! Really!

Wow he was saying that a lot today, huh? “If you guys are done with your soda, we might be able to find something useful in the locker room.” Just to make sure there was no room for argument, he stood and made a beeline for said locker room, leaving the Science Team to follow uneasily behind him.

As the door to the locker room open, Gordon was immediately greeted with the sight of a dead guard in the center of the room. He felt his breath catch before he realized that it couldn’t be Benrey, even just at a glance. It was too tall, too angular to be him, and the face was all wrong. There was no unnatural shadow, nor was there any of the familiar roundness Benrey’s face held. It was just a random security guard.

The Science Team had arrived by the time Gordon’s body had caught up with his mind, and they swiftly took to looting the place. Feet clattered on the tile floor as they charged in, none of them giving the body on the ground so much as a second glance.

“Look, Gordon! Your locker! You can use these to store items and keep them safe during your journey!” Dr. Coomer was, in fact, standing in front of his locker. Gordon didn’t keep much in there, but he was willing to humor him.

Cracking the locker open revealed that he was mostly right. His lab coat, an extra pair of lab-safe pants and shoes, and an expired passport were the majority of the locker’s contents, and he had no interest in any of those. But there, on the upper shelf… He couldn’t believe he almost missed it.

Gordon took the framed picture of Joshua from his locker with the same softness that one uses to handle an ancient family heirloom. Oh, his little baby boy. How could he have forgotten about this picture?

He had put it here a while ago, meant to cheer himself up after the end of his shifts. And considering the soft smile that he couldn’t stop from spreading across his lips, even after everything, it was exceptionally good at doing just that. Gordon found himself slipping the picture of Joshie out of its frame, his finger tracing the outline of his son. God, Joshie… He had to be okay. Ell’s Row was far enough from Black Mesa that the Resonance Cascade couldn’t have made it that far. That was a hope he had to hold onto. Otherwise, he didn’t know how he was going to make it out of this.

“Looks a bit shit.” Unlike his previous encounters with Benrey, being halfway into his locker meant that when Gordon startled, his head crashed directly into the locker’s ceiling. Which hurt like a bitch, but he could hardly focus on that when Benrey had appeared out of nowhere just to call his kid shit.

And then he saw Benrey’s smile. And Gordon’s heart stopped. It wasn’t even a particularly sweet smile. It was the smile of a little shit who knew he was being a little shit, and said little shit was trying to cause problems on purpose. But Gordon was so distracted by the smile, how _soft_ , it was, despite the sharpened teeth, that he almost missed what Benrey had said.

Almost.

“Did… did you just call my son a bit shit?”

The fact that Benrey’s grinned only widened was as much of an answer as Gordon needed.

“That’s- that’s my kid! You can’t just…” Gordon sighed. He was getting distracted. “Okay, no. What the hell is with you, man? You keep disappearing into thin air. What’s up with that?”

The smile vanished. “...I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, you do. Come on, you weren’t here a second ago, then you popped in out of nowhere!”

Gordon’s heart hurt as he watched Benrey close himself off in less than a second. The life slipped out of Benrey in real time as he reverted to the exact same expression he had worn from the second Gordon had met him through when the Resonance Cascade happened. And as it did, all Gordon wanted to do was cup the guard’s face in his hands and hold him close. To tell him that it would be okay, that everything was going to be alright.

But he couldn’t.

...He could do something else, though. Gordon looked at the picture of Joshua, his eyes fond. Then, before he could second-guess himself, he folded it into quarters and handed it to Benrey.

“Huh?” Benrey looked at his extended hand, confusion written on his face plain as day. Good, that was already an improvement.

“Take it,” Gordon said, waving the folded photo a bit. As Benrey took it, taking it with even more care than Gordon had used to take it off the shelf, Gordon nodded. “Look, I… It helped. Seeing Joshie on the bad days? It helped me get through them. But, uh, you know, I don’t have any pockets in this suit… yeah. And besides. Maybe if you keep it, you can find some taste about what a cute kid looks like, dude.”

Benrey didn’t respond, instead opting to simply stare at the folded picture like it was pure gold. Or maybe a work of fine glass, doomed to shatter if he so much as looked at it the wrong way.

Gordon felt like he could watch Benrey’s expression forever, but an explosion and the sound of body parts going flying snapped both of them out of it. As Gordon charged toward the bathrooms, determined to figure out what the HELL that was, he missed how Benrey unfolded the picture, looking at it longingly before folding it again and tucking it into a pocket on the inside of his security vest.

\----------------

Benrey clipped back into the map right as the Science Team reached their first break spot, right at the bottom of the elevator. They had been progressing fast, almost too fast, and he had to speed ahead just to make sure he was there before them. Being outside the map was sucks for him, though. The skeletons hung out there, after all, just watching. Waiting for the player character to arrive at a map trigger, making sure that things went just as they were supposed to. But even with things following the rails, he couldn’t stop himself from freezing up any time he had to see those bones. One of them had started moving toward him, and he had been so convinced that he had done something wrong, that he was going to be possessed, that he hadn’t been able to move.

It had just been preparing for one of the buggier sequences, he couldn’t remember which, but it just reinforced the facts. He hated being outside the map. But the game was so damn linear, and he couldn’t risk being with them the whole time. He just couldn’t.

The Science Team was too kind. If he let them know what was happening, they’d try to save him again, and they’d get hurt. Tommy already knew something was up, and even Gordon’s oblivious ass was gonna catch on if he could see how much just being around him hurt Benrey.

But he had a purpose to fulfill, and that meant being a compelling antagonist. No one wanted a final boss that only showed up in the final arena. Which meant he had to interact with the Science Team. And that meant risking getting found out.

The whole thing was like the world’s most emotionally devastating balancing act, if he thought about it. Which he was really trying not to, for obvious reasons.

He sat in their half-circle around Gordon, only sort of listening to Gordon’s rambling. Some part of him wanted to take comfort in hearing Gordon’s voice, but the rest of him, the part that knew exactly how all of this was going to end, knew better than that. So he tuned out the words, and watched as Bubby set another pigeon on fire out of boredom. Haha, niiiiiiiice.

That was, at least, until something Gordon said caught his attention.

“It’s like things are… familiar? I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s not always a good familiar, either. At first I just thought it was anxiety from the test and being late, but it hasn’t gone away?”

That… couldn’t be good. What did he mean by familiar? Suddenly, the Science Team had his full attention. And, even worse, as Gordon said that, Tommy was nodding. Oh no.

“I- I think I know what you’re talking about, Mister Freeman!” Okay, but Tommy was a glitch, and Gordon was the protagonist, maybe it was just-

“I believe I know the feeling as well. I had thought it was brought on by the Resonance Cascade, but if you’re saying that you felt it earlier, Gordon, before you entered the chamber..? Well, now that theory doesn’t hold water!” Dr. Coomer added, completely unaware of how much of a problem that was.

Bubby didn’t add anything, but it didn’t make Benrey feel any less wary about this. Especially as Gordon continued talking.

“It’s almost like deja vu, if deja vu just kept happening? I don’t know how to describe it, it’s just weird. Does it seem to be triggered by anything specific for you guys?”

Benrey stood, ignoring the rest of the conversation, and walked over to a nearby barrel. He could feel the sweet voice pushing its way up his throat. Stupid emotions, stupid skeletons, stupid Feetman. Why couldn’t he just accept it? Idiot died, and here he was thinking he could remember things. Didn’t he know it would just get him hurt? Benrey hated his stupid hero complex, and he hated how it was just going to get Gordon hurt _again_. He couldn’t keep doing this. He couldn’t keep watching everyone he cared about forget each other. He couldn't watch Gordon forget him _again!_

Even as he tried to hold it back, a few orbs of sweet voice spilled from his lips. Tommy might not have been looking, too engaged in their impossible conversation, but Benrey could hear him reading out the sweet voice as clear as day, anyway.

Black and white, like a night so starry, means that he’s so very, very sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gordon gets voidfished: the chapter
> 
> Also a non-zero portion of the early parts of this fic is just me projecting my lab safety knowledge onto the black mesa facility. Look, just because you're a sketchy research facility with no clear goal DOESNT MEAN YOURE EXEMPT FROM PROPER SAFETY PROCEDURES!!! Getting scientists who are willing to put up with your weird ethical stuff can't be easy black mesa, why would you just let them all die off from not having proper safety equipment!!


	4. We've Got To Get Out of Here, This Facility is HAUNTED

After the Science Team had finished their discussion, they were quick to get this show on the road. Gordon wasn’t the only one who wanted to get the hell out of Black Mesa, after all, and they longer they waited, the more aliens were going to be between them and their escape.

The enthusiasm didn’t translate to skill, though. So he and Bubby were currently waiting on Dr. Coomer and Tommy, both of whom were having a bit of trouble with the jumping puzzle. Tommy was making good progress, but as Gordon watched Dr. Coomer fall into the pit below and heard the distant sound of a cymbal crashing, he knew that this was going to take a few minutes.

“I believe he, as the kids say, pogged it.”

Gordon snorted. “That’s not what that… You know what? Yeah, sure Bubby. He pogged it.” He turned to grin at Bubby, but instead found himself face-to-barrel with a pistol.

Practically launching himself backward, Gordon nearly fell down into the pit himself before Bubby grabbed his arm, pulling him back onto the ledge. “Watch out for the hole!”

“What the hell, man! Why’d you pull a gun on me?”

“Huh? Oh!” Bubby seemed to realize he was holding a pistol all at once, quickly putting it away. “It never hurts to be prepared,” he added, as if there was anywhere for an alien monster to stand in the room. Considering it was pretty much exclusively made of giant pit, Gordon figured they were probably safe for the moment.

The fact that there was a giant pit in the middle of the singular pathway through Black Mesa did not escape Gordon, but he had better things to worry about than what sort of monster designed the facility.

Bubby, ever the observant one, could tell Gordon wasn’t particularly soothed by his words. Giving Gordon a fanged smile, he shrugged. “Come now, Gordon. I would never hurt you.”

Gordon rolled his eyes. Yeah, sure. Never. “Let me guess, unless I gave you a reason to?”

That sentence triggered something in Bubby, apparently, because his smug attitude just… vanished. He got real quiet, and his eyes unfocused, like he could see beyond the boundaries of the world if he just looked long enough. Gordon was about to reach out and touch his shoulder, give the guy some comfort, before he spoke. “...No.”

“Huh?” No? What did he..?

“No,” Bubby said, his voice coming back to him, just a little bit. “I don’t think there’s anything you could do that would give me that reason, Gordon.”

That… Gordon felt conflicted. He had _never_ seen Bubby like this before. Regret wasn’t something Bubby did. He was a genius and entirely too impulsive, sure. But even when his impulses came back to bite him, he still insisted that he didn’t make mistakes. He was supposed to be the perfect scientist, after all. And what perfect being needed to feel regret like this? If they could regret, that meant they could make mistakes.

But… maybe Bubby was more human than even he thought.

“You… Are you good, dude?”

“I’m fine," he snapped. "What’s wrong with _you?_ ”

Gordon was about to retort that nothing was wrong with him, thank you very much, before he realized that he was clenching his arm. Wordlessly, both he and Bubby looked at his arm, something unnaturally familiar clenching in Gordon’s chest as he did.

The moment was, unsurprisingly, shattered as Dr. Coomer finally made it across the pit. “Well, gentlemen, we’d better get a move on. At this rate it’ll only be four more hours until we reach the surface!”

“Shit!” Gordon wheeled on him, nearly smacking him on the face with his perfectly normal, definitely not holding(?) a gun, right arm.

“Is everything alright, Gordon? You seem a mite bit flightier than usual.”

Gordon fought his instinct to say it was fine. After their talk in what Gordon could only remember as the “pigeon room,” they had all agreed to be up front about any weird feelings they might have had. After all, if one mind wasn’t enough to figure it out, maybe four would be able to. Five, if he could get Benrey involved, but Gordon was doubtful. Benrey had looked almost… scared, back when he had first broached the topic with the Science Team. So he had put a pin in that idea, at least for now.

“It… my arm. Feels weird when I look at it too hard.”

With all the patience in the world, Dr. Coomer held out his hand. Part of him did not want his arm to be touched, but he trusted Dr. Coomer.

Gordon gave him his hand.

“Hmm…” Coomer ran his thumb over Gordon’s hand, frowning.

“Is that a good ‘hmm’ or a bad ‘hmm.’ You’re sort of worrying me here, Dr. Coomer.” Gordon laughed, a bit nervous.

“Well, Gordon, I think your hand is fucked!” And that turned his laugh into a genuine one. Because really? What the fuck, Dr. Coomer?

“What? What does _that_ mean?” he managed to get out between bits of laughter.

“It means that I think your hand is caught up in the same static that the rest of the facility is in, I'm afraid. When I look at it, it seems blurry, out of focus, as if I am not actually seeing your hand. We should keep an eye on it to make sure, although I suppose the reason for it may remain as much a mystery as the rest of it all!”

Gordon found himself nodding along. That was… pretty much what he expected, yeah. None of them had been having any revelations about the deja vu, if they were even going to keep calling it that. It came and went, and Gordon was convinced it was related to the static he felt when he started thinking too hard, but the reasons were still a mystery.

“So that adds my arm to the list. How many things are we up to, now?”

“Eight!” That sounded about right, and he trusted Dr. Coomer to keep track. “In addition to your arm, there was also the test chamber, your HEV suit, the Resonance Cascade, counted for all of us, our deaths, your death, Professor Bubby’s pyrokinetic abilities, and my clones!”

Gordon nodded along as Dr. Coomer rattled off the list. There were plenty of things that they had noticed, all of them causing static in their thoughts or stopping their eyes from focusing properly, but most were small, easy to miss. So instead of keeping track of all of them, the Science Team had agreed to pick the worst ones, the ones that, if they lingered, could cause physical pain. The ones where even stray thoughts clung so hard to the static that just glancing at them felt like drowning.

So maybe they physically couldn’t comprehend what was going on. Was that going to stop them? Absolutely not.

Gordon’s headache had just been getting worse. He was pretty sure this was why.

“So that’s, what, places, people, concepts… and now even my arm? What could all of them possibly have in common?”

It was a rhetorical question. That didn’t stop Bubby from answering.

“Not a damned thing, now! Your arm throws out the one good guess we had, Gordon!”

“Well I’m _sorry_ for not being made in Black Mesa!”

“Don’t be silly, Gordon,” Dr. Coomer interjected. “You weren’t made in Black Mesa only as far as you know!”

“...Thanks, Dr. Coomer. Look, let’s keep moving. Unless we can get past the fucking static, we’re not getting anywhere just sitting here. Anyone seen Tommy?”

“I- I’m right here, Mister Freeman!” Oh, yeah. He must have crossed the jumping puzzle while Dr. Coomer was talking. Tommy gave him a little wave, but he was just as impatient as the rest of them.

If Gordon was being honest with himself, he was worried about Tommy. The poor guy had seemed more on edge with every moment they were in Black Mesa. His trigger finger was itchy, and Gordon had seen him shoot at the wall more than once. Whatever was stressing him out so much, it couldn’t be good for him. But every time Gordon asked, three separate times now, Tommy had just responded that he was fine!

God, it was so frustrating when you knew someone wasn’t okay, but they insisted that they were fine whenever you asked!

\----------------

Whenever they got out of here, Gordon was going to find whoever designed the Black Mesa ventilation system and strangle them to death. Slowly. With _feeling_. Because Gordon was having some kinds of feelings about crawling through these pitch black hell tubes.

It’s not that he was afraid of the dark! ...Okay, yeah. Gordon was afraid of the dark. Which, as far as he could tell, had spontaneously developed today, just for the express purpose of making his life more difficult.

So when they had to crawl back into the vents after hitting a _fucking dead end_ , Gordon felt perfectly justified that he was at his fucking limit!

But here he was, on his hands and knees, back in the _goddamn vents_.

Gordon felt like he was going to throw up. And, as much as he loved them, his team was not helping here.

“Come _on_ , Gordon! What are you, afraid of the dark?” Bubby, ever the asshole, was the worst about it.

Gordon couldn’t take it anymore. But… ugh, he didn’t want them to be weird about it! “...You’re not allowed to make fun of me for this.”

“Oh my god, you ARE! AHAH-” Which was about as far as he got before Tommy elbowed him right in the head. “OW!”

“That- that’s okay, Mister Freeman! I actually- I think Benrey could help with that?”

“Huh?” He and Benrey said at the exact same time. The guard had reappeared not too long ago, insisting on making the already-cramped vents even more claustrophobic. Benrey was currently the person ahead of Gordon, with Bubby and Tommy behind him, while Coomer brought up the rear.

“Yeah! Benrey’s sweet voice? It glows! It doesn’t- It’s not very bright, but it would be enough for the vents, I think!”

Gordon looked at Benrey, who looked right back at him. Benrey had been opening up more, lately, for the short bursts of time he was actually with the rest of the Science Team. Just little expressions, a lick of sweet voice, or a snicker at a joke made at Gordon’s expense, but whatever it might have been, it never failed to make his heart flutter, just a bit. Even those tiny moments were a far cry from the lifeless zombie he had been in that hallway, all the way back at the beginning.

“Huh, oh, yeah. Benny boy can do that, lol. Got some sweet voice for uhhhh Gordon Fearman right here, see?”

His eyes met Gordon’s, and, based on how they widened as he started to sing, Benrey wasn’t expecting the colors that came out. But he didn’t stop.

Huh, Gordon would have guessed purple to blue.

Blue was present, sure, but the other color was absolutely orange. Not particularly close to purple, either. It was enchanting, watching the orange to blue sweet voice fill the vents, pushing ahead of the group, while also going back far enough for even Dr. Coomer to reach out and touch them if he wanted. The wordless tune Benrey sang, too, seemed to evolve as it echoed through the vents. Rather than the impossibly loud, grating noise Gordon expected from the song, it was soft, sweet, and it plucked a string in Gordon’s heart he didn’t even know he had. He looked back to Tommy for a translation, but Tommy simply stared at Benrey.

He turned back to Benrey, still confused, just in time to catch an almost imperceptible shake of Benrey’s head. Strange. But… with what Benrey was doing for him, he wasn’t going to ask him about it, at least not until they were out of the vents.

Nodding to Benrey, who continued to sing the sweet voice through the vents, Gordon continued onward. For… approximately five steps before Benrey choked, the tune becoming discordant before cutting off completely. Gordon was about to ask him what was up, but then he saw it, too.

Skeleton.

It was just standing there, staring at them with its hollow eye sockets. Gordon didn’t even think to question how it was standing in the vents. All he could do was stare.

“...Benrey? Mister Freeman?” Tommy’s voice felt far away, like he was hearing it in a dream.

It was all Gordon could manage to get out the word “skeleton.”

The gunshot was immediate, whizzing directly between his and Benrey’s head and hitting the undead fuck right between the sockets. It was quickly followed by a cry of “WHERE?!” and the crackle of fire as Bubby’s hands ignited and fired vaguely in the same direction as Tommy’s bullet. Only one hit, but by the time the scent of charred bone reached Gordon and Dr. Coomer had pushed his way to the front, fists at the ready, the skeleton had clipped back through the vents and was gone.

Gordon had barely noticed. He was too focused on Benrey, waves of emotional turmoil rolling over him as he watched the guard’s face. After the initial shock of seeing the skeleton, Benrey had gone blank. Gordon could barely even see his one eye, the void-dark shadow cast by his helmet having somehow darkened even more. Something in Gordon registered that maybe it wasn’t a shadow cast by his helmet, because it also seemed to be dripping down his face. Instead of cutting off right under his eyes, it had crept downward over his nose, almost completely covering his cheeks, like hot wax down a candlestick.

The sweet voice clung in the air, but it wasn’t comforting anymore. It felt like an impossibly heavy weight on his chest, a siren call to the skeletons he feared without any solid reason why.

Gordon pushed the team onward.

He hated the vents.

\----------------

After the… incident in the vents, the Science Team had collectively decided that the next chance they got, they were crashing for the day. They had been powering through the Black Mesa facility, but even inhuman beings needed a rest, and Gordon and Dr. Coomer were still painfully human. Besides, Gordon was pretty sure that all of their nerves were absolutely shot after the skeleton encounter, even if half the team wouldn’t admit it.

As the team settled down, Gordon decided that he would be the one to address the elephant in the room: What the _hell_ was up with the skeletons.

“So does anyone know what the hell that thing was? Is Black Mesa haunted and I just never got the memo?”

“Well, you’re the one who called it a skeleton, Gordon! I didn’t see anything, myself.”

“Huh? It was _right there_! How did you not see it?”

“Maybe because there wasn’t anything there?” Bubby interjected, clearly annoyed.

“You- you threw fireballs! Right at it! What the hell, man?! What do you _mean_ there wasn’t anything there?”

“Because there wasn’t anything there, dipshit! It was just an empty vent!”

Before Gordon could start going off on how there was absolutely a skeleton there what the _fuck_ , Bubby, Tommy interjected. “I saw it, too. How else- how else would I have shot it?”

Gordon nodded, relieved that at least he wasn’t going crazy. “And Benrey saw it too, so that’s three of us. Wonder why you two can’t, though…”

“I didn’t see anything, bro” was not what he expected to hear from Benrey. But there those words were, hanging in the air with a tension like they were going to snap.

“What?” Gordon asked, because what? “I saw you see it, dude! You looked like a fucking ghost.”

“Nope. Didn’t see anything. So leave it? Please? Thank you?”

Tommy gave Benrey a concerned look. “Benrey, what- what do you mean you didn’t see it?”

“See whuh?”

“The-the skeleton! You looked right at it with Mister Freeman!”

Benrey’s visible eye grew dark, and he was quickly becoming far more enamored with the floor than with looking anywhere vaguely close to Tommy. He mumbled something under his breath before looking up at Tommy. His eyes were pleading, like a kicked puppy. “Don’t know any skeletons bro. No… no bone boys here, thank you. Sleepy time now, yes?”

Gordon’s eyes narrowed at Benrey. He was lying, and doing it poorly, but why? What was the point?

The knot in his stomach tightened as he realized why. He needed to talk to Benrey. Alone.

“You know what? Sure, Benrey. We can finish this talk tomorrow. Everyone needs their rest, especially after that. Semi-there haunted skeletons in vents are… not high on our priority list right now.”

Benrey visibly relaxed. So he _was_ trying to get them to forget about the skeletons. Gordon’s theory solidified in his mind, but he didn’t feel good about it.

As everyone settled in to sleep, Gordon kept watch over the group, pretending to be asleep himself so that they wouldn’t get on his case about not sleeping. Dr. Coomer and Bubby were cuddling in the corner, their arms wrapped around each other, as if the other would float away if they let go. Tommy simply flopped over, passing out unceremoniously on the floor before Dr. Coomer placed his lab coat over him like a blanket. Benrey was curled up against a wall, his head resting in his knees. He was also… definitely not asleep. Sure, he was _pretending_ to be asleep, but that only made Gordon more suspicious. Benrey was clearly on guard, watching over the Science Team much in the same way that Gordon was.

He didn’t like the way that thought made him feel. It was sticky, complicated, and the distrust only served to make it feel more foul.

Gordon was about to confront Benrey before the guard’s head shot up, staring at the hallway they had originally entered the area from. He glanced around for a moment, Gordon guessed he was making sure the Science Team was asleep, before he got up and silently walked into that room. Gordon, of course, was quick to follow him.

He hid behind the door frame, listening to hear if Benrey said anything. All he heard was silence, however, and Gordon was not a patient man. Whipping around the corner, crowbar in hand, he saw exactly what he thought he would. Exactly what he was afraid of.

Benrey and a skeleton, just staring at each other.

The skeleton moved first, and it was gone before Gordon could even think of attacking it.

But Benrey wasn’t.

He slammed Benrey into the wall, holding him by his vest above the ground. Gordon was _furious_. How could Benrey side with _the fucking skeletons_? He was so hurt, so betrayed, Gordon couldn’t even think through the fuzz to remember _why_ it was such a stab to the fucking heart to see Benrey do that, but the feeling was there, it was raw, and it fucking _hurt_.

“What the _fuck, Benrey?_ ” Gordon’s voice was more of a sharp hiss than actual words, because, in the back of his mind, he still didn’t want to wake up the Science Team. Didn’t want them to see this. “What were you doing with a skeleton?!”

Benrey, for his part, looked terrified. His eye was darting around the room like a panicked animal, his pupils barely visible with how thin-slit they were. Void-shadow dripped down his face as he looked back at Gordon. Gordon couldn’t have imagined how he looked to the guard in that moment, lifting him with one hand, crowbar on his throat as a constant threat. He was stressed, hadn’t slept, and he was fucking pissed.

He gave Benrey a few courtesy seconds before he started pushing the crowbar harder against him. “Answer the question you piece of shit!”

“Gordon?” His voice was so small and far away and _hurt_ that Gordon nearly dropped him right there. “Bro? You’re scaring me…”

Any resolve, any hatred Gordon had felt toward Benrey in that moment shattered. He lowered Benrey to the ground, removing his crowbar as quickly as he could, horrified at what he had almost done. ...What _had_ he almost done? He wasn’t… he _wouldn’t._

He nearly had. “ _What the fuck_ ,” he whispered, more at himself than for any response from Benrey. “What the _fuck_.”

“Bro?” Benrey’s voice sliced through his quickly-spiraling thoughts, crashing that train before it could leave the station.

“Huh?” Of course, that didn’t mean he could form a coherent response. Shaking his head, as if shaking a bag of scrabble tiles before fruitlessly pulling some out, because he was apparently insisting on speaking anyway. “I, you? Sorry, but… huh? Why? Benny?”

His thoughts felt like static, but a few feelings made their way through it. The most distinct one was that his heart hurt thinking of Benrey dealing with the skeletons. But… it wasn’t a feeling of betrayal, and Gordon wasn’t sure how to feel about that. He was worried about Benrey, worried about his safety, when he still barely knew the guy. Worse, it almost felt like something _wanted_ him mad. The skeletons were sneakier than that, a nagging thought told him. They wouldn’t appear like that if they didn’t have to.

Unfortunately, it didn’t seem as though Benrey was going to be much help. He just shook his head, “can’t, uh, can’t tell you, dude. Gordos needs to go sleepy time, okay? Bed time for Freeman?”

“Benrey, please. Just… take this seriously. For once in your life, take _something_ seriously.”

“…” He was quiet, deep in thought. “...I am. I swear, just, please? You couldn’t hear me if I said it. Got that bad brain juice, can’t hear stuff good. Like prof but waaaaaay worse, bro. You’d probably get hurt f’I tried to tell you.”

“Then- then try me! I _know_ you’re hiding something. You can’t keep pretending like everything’s okay, man!”

That must have struck a cord in Benrey, because he visibly flinched at that. Gordon was just about to apologize when Benrey spoke up. “Doesn’t matter, can’t change anything. Can’t change what you are. Won’t let you.”

“That’s not an _answer_! Benrey-” But Benrey was apparently done with this conversation, because he was suddenly both very large and very much carrying Gordon. “ _Benrey! _”__ he hissed as he was carried back into the room where the Science Team slept peacefully and placed back against the wall he had first settled down against. Before he could even think of standing up, Benrey was back down to normal size, draped across his lap like some weird cat.

“There,” and oh, Gordon had feelings about that smug look on Benrey’s face. “Now Feetman’s gotta stay. Gonna do an epic sleep, bro.”

He was about to argue, but then a massive yawn wracked his body, preemptively any point he might have had.

...Fine, Benrey had a point. Maybe they actually could have an actual conversation in the morning, then. When he was less sleep-deprived, and when the Science Team could give some real input.

Surprisingly comfortable under the familiar weight of Benrey, it wasn’t long before sleep claimed Gordon.

And as he woke up that morning, Gordon wished his heart didn’t feel so empty when he realized Benrey was gone. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter's longer because I wasn't happy with the pacing of this chapter and the next, so I ended up frankensteining them together into one hell chapter. Hopefully the pacing works out alright!
> 
> Also, sweet voice translations:  
> -Purple to blue is "It's okay, you're safe. I've got you"  
> -Orange to blue is "I remember you"


	5. Tagged: Temporary Amnesia

“ **LOOK, GORDON! WE’VE MADE IT TO THE SURFACE!** ”

Knowing exactly how trying to be sneaky was going to go, Gordon had made the executive decision to just rush the boot boys before Dr. Coomer’s helpful commentary could give away their position. The first collapsed under the force of his crowbar, crumbling to the ground like a puppet with its strings cut. As he rounded on the second, gunfire sounded from behind him. The soldier was riddled with bullet holes before he could even get a good smack in. Hell yeah Science Team!

“Good job guys! This seems like a safe enough place to take a break, so let’s-”

Then he saw Benrey. Just sitting there, on the side of the tracks. As if he hadn’t been missing for the entire day. As if he hadn’t just brushed off Gordon’s concerns by leaving in the middle of the night.

And he looked… blank. Like he was barely there. He almost looked a bit fuzzy, and some parts of him were hard to focus on. His eye was dazed, unfocused, as he looked on the group. Benrey did not smile, did not wave, at the Science Team. Instead, he simply stared.

Gordon couldn’t help but feel that the way Benrey was acting now was uncomfortably close to how he first looked in that hallway.

“Benrey? What the hell are you doing here?”

Benrey just cocked his head at that, wordless staring for a moment before he spoke. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Yeah, I got that. So are you going to explain what was going on last night?”

“Huh?” And as much as that was pretty typical of Benrey, Gordon felt the hair standing up on the back of his neck.

“The skeleton, man! You can’t just ignore something if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s not- that’s not how conversations work!”

Benrey laughed at that, and it made Gordon’s stomach bottom out. Because it _wasn’t_ Benrey’s laugh. It was the laugh that someone who thought they knew Benrey would do to mimic him, maybe, but _Gordon had never, not once, heard Benrey laugh like that_. It wasn’t the acidic, paint chipping, full-body laughter of when Benrey was genuinely delighted, nor was it any of the little snorts or chuckles that were so often followed by the softest smiles Gordon had ever seen in his life. It was… smug. There was a note of ominousness underneath the laughter, like he was planning something that he knew Gordon wouldn’t figure out. And Gordon _knew_ Benrey had never planned anything in his life.

Something was wrong here.

“...Alright, team meeting.” Gordon turned, facing the Science Team, before he realized he should make sure this Benrey wouldn’t follow. “Not you, Benrey. You… you stay over here.”

He just shrugged, settling into his seat, shooting a look at Bubby. Gordon shrugged it off and herded the Science Team over to a blocked off tunnel entrance. That was a good a place as any to have this conversation.

“So.” Gordon took a deep breath. He did not know how to have this conversation. He gestured for them all to sit, buying himself at least a few more seconds.

“So? What the hell is this about, Gordon?” Unsurprisingly, Bubby was less than accommodating for Gordon’s attempt at buying time. Damn.

“Look, I’m trying to figure it out myself, alright? I didn’t want to believe it, but he’s acting suspicious, he keeps dodging my questions, and-”

“Oh just spit it out already!”

Gordon sighed. The words felt like bile in his throat, but his team deserved to know. “I think Benrey is working with the skeletons.”

“No! He- he wouldn’t! Benrey’s our friend, Mister Freeman!” Of course Tommy was the first to object. He knew he and Benrey were close, but if anyone would be able to see Benrey was acting suspicious when presented with the facts, it would be Tommy.

“I know! I… I know, Tommy.” Gordon grabbed his head, partially out of frustration, and partially because there was _something_ he was missing here, and the static was starting to burn at the edges of his mind. “But he was with one of them last night. They were just staring at each other, too. And there’s how he keeps disappearing. Trust me, I wish I trust him with this, but… I can’t. Not with you all at stake.”

“Look, if all we’re gonna do is debate about Benrey, then you don’t need me here. Call me if you need me, I’ve got shit to do.” And with that, Bubby stood and walked away, leaving no room for argument.

That was… a bit weird. But Gordon couldn’t focus on that right now. “As I was saying… Benrey was meeting with a skeleton last night. Instead of explaining himself, or even trying to _defend himself_ , he disappeared before we woke up. And now he shows up again out of nowhere? There's only so much wiggle room I can give him before I have to start assuming the obvious.”

“Gordon, Benrey is a member of the Science Team, is he not?” Dr. Coomer was going somewhere with this, but Gordon couldn’t see where.

“Of course he is.”

“And if you saw one of us in a compromising position, one that context would explain, you would be willing to give us the benefit of doubt, yes?”

“Yes, but-”

“Then I fail to see how it is different with our dear friend Boper!”

“I…” Gordon started, but… even finishing the thought hurt. He didn’t want to say it, not really. “I don’t know if I can give him that trust, Dr. Coomer. Not with something like this.”

“I- I trust Benrey, Mister Freeman. He wouldn’t- he wouldn’t side with the skeletons. He couldn’t!” God, Gordon wished he could have the same resolve as Tommy. He wanted to trust Benrey. He wanted to trust him more than anything, but… it couldn’t be a coincidence. Not after-

There was the static again, slicing through his thoughts and buzzing in his ears like a hornets nest. Gordon could feel his headache getting worse with each passing second. The static pushed his thoughts toward diverting the conversation, to let it go. But his gut said to keep pushing. To grasp the reason why all of this was happening, why it made him _feel so much_ , and to never let it go.

And, goddammit, it was probably a terrible idea. It probably wouldn’t even work. But Gordon was at the end of his rope, and he _needed those god damn answers_.

The frustration at not knowing, at being _unable_ to know, billowed up through Gordon like a smokestack, and if he couldn’t let some of it off, he was going to blow. Maybe it was stupid, trying to force his way through an obviously impenetrable wall of static. Maybe he should quit while he was ahead, talk to Benrey, and get some half-truths that would carry him through this crisis. Then, after this nightmare was over, he could get some real answers.

But that wasn’t the kind of person Gordon Freeman was. So he pushed himself, forcing him to find that damned connection, the thing that would make everything click. And it hurt. So he _pushed_. And if felt like his skull was going to crack open. _So he pushed_. And if he wasn’t so caught up in his single-minded focus, he might have heard Dr. Coomer and Tommy yelling his name, begging him to stop. Might have felt it as his body started tearing itself apart at the seams, glitches he could not see corrupting his model. _So. He. Pushed._

He didn’t even register the screams of pain as his own.

\----------------

When Benrey came back to himself, he was outside. Oh, yeah, this was the pigeon perch, wasn’t it? And since he could hear Gordon’s babbling from just around the corner, he must have been out for a while. The skeletons had reappeared not long after Gordon had fallen asleep, and considering he couldn’t remember anything between then and now, it wasn’t hard for him to put together what had happened.

Aaaaand, shit. Benrey cringed. Oh man, Gordon was gonna be sooo mad at him. But then again, that was probably on purpose. Can’t have the idiot with a hero complex getting attached to him, after all. Game doesn’t work if the protagonist doesn’t want to kill the antagonist. And he had been getting too comfortable, anyway.

The question was why they let him go now? It was quickly answered, however, as he saw Bubby walking over to him. Shit, okay, they were talking? Talking with Bubby now? He had no fucking clue _what_ they were supposed to be talking about, but he’d figure it out. He had those mad improv skills, bro.

“So? What the hell did you want, anyway?”

“Huh?” Strong start, Benrey. Good job.

“Don’t give me that shit, Benrey. You said you knew something about Gordon. Something you thought I should know, so what is it?”

It was like a bucket of ice water was dumped directly on him. He was suddenly hyper-aware of exactly why the skeletons had let him go for this conversation.

The first time around, Bubby hadn’t needed much of a push to go through with the betrayal. It was in his code, after all. TurncoatB would help ANTG_B, betraying PRTG_FreemanG, and causing the player to lose access to their weapons until they made it to the "cybernetics" deparment. But Bubby was closer to Gordon, this time around. There were still playful threats of violence, but any time Gordon implied they could be serious, Bubby had shut right down.

If Benrey didn’t know it was impossible, he’d think that some part of Bubby remembered the original betrayal.

But that wasn’t possible. He had seen the code, just like Tommy had. Gordon dies, the game gets reset. He was an exception, not the rule, and every thing the Science Team had done so far supported it.

Right now, though, the skeletons needed him to convince Bubby to go through with the betrayal. It made him sick just thinking of Gordon going through that again, but… there wasn’t anything he could do. The skeletons could convince Bubby without him, even if it meant forcing him to do it, but convincing him was a bit more complicated without Benrey. Their stock phrases and limited word list made imitating any of the Science Team, Benrey included, impossible to do for long periods of time. At least not without being found out. And they couldn’t make a compelling emotional argument to save the world. The skeletons weren’t AI, after all. They were just a game construct, the failsafe made physical to enforce the game’s code. They’d know the exact right words to say, but nothing could make up for an AI acting emotional.

So they had dropped the burden on Benrey’s shoulders. God, he almost wished they would just possess him again so he didn’t have to do this.

But he feared possession more than he feared Gordon losing his hand. There was still a chance, however slim, that he could fuck up the trigger. Make it so the knife to cut off his hand didn’t load properly or something. That plan was something he still needed to turn over in his head, admittedly. But the point was that he might be able to change it.

Possession offered no such comfort.

So he played along. “Ohhhh, yeah bro. I remember now. It’s about Gordon.”

Bubby’s eyes narrowed, clearly suspicious. And, yeah, Benrey could understand that. He didn’t seem to have whatever leftover “trust the guard that’ll be the surprise boss later” programming protecting him this time around, and Benrey knew he hadn’t been particularly trustworthy so far. “Yes, you said that already. What _about_ Gordon?”

Benrey smacked his lips, figuring out how to best phrase this so Bubby would agree with him. He just had to sew the seeds, not completely win him over. “Well, you’ve been dealing with the military, yeah? Boot boys givin’ you problems?”

“Nothing we can’t handle,” Bubby scoffed.

Benrey grinned at that. Hell yeah, stick it to the man. “Well, you know how they keep finding you, right?”

“Because Black Mesa is a straight line and if they walk far enough they’ll find us eventually.”

Alright, that got an actual laugh out of him. “Yeah, but nah. See, Gordon’s got the hev suit, right? Got all that secret tech and junk? Black Mesa’s gotta make sure all that sciencey stuff doesn’t get stolen.”

And, man, he watched the realization spread across Bubby’s face in real time. “...The tracking devices.”

Benrey nodded. “Yep,” he said, popping the “puh.” “Military’s following him straight to you, bro.”

“Stop.” Huh? Bubby was staring at the ground, frowning deeply. He should have been thinking that Gordon was a liability, or at least weighing the options.

“C’mon man, you know I’m-”

“I said stop, Benrey.” Bubby’s eyes narrowed in anger, and Benrey could swear he felt the temperature of the air around him start to raise. “Whatever it is you’re planning? I want no part of it.”

Oh, that wasn’t good. “But-”

“No. I’ve said my piece. I’m not going to be part of any schemes against Gordon, Benrey. He’s our friend, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to turn on him for something stupid like that. Those boot boys can keep coming for all I care.” He scowled at the ground before continuing, “but if you tell Gordon any of that, I’ll kick your ass.”

The next thing he was going to say died in Benrey’s throat as Gordon’s scream ripped through the map. Benrey was on his feet before he could even think, acting on instinct to protect his best friend. Bubby was faster than he was, but Benrey didn’t have the mind to even consider the older scientist.

The only thing he could think of was getting to Gordon’s side as fast as possible.

Not that it took long. This area of the map was small, designed more as a small taste of progress than any actually substantial outside area. Gordon, and, by extension, Tommy and Dr. Coomer, were just barely around the corner. But that didn’t stop his dead sprint over, directly to Gordon’s side.

“GORDON?!” He can’t even bring himself to care that he’s breaking character, that the utter anguish was so plain on his face that both Tommy and Dr. Coomer stepped out of his way as he launched himself toward Gordon. Whatever distrust the skeletons have brought him didn’t hold up against whatever the Science Team saw in him at that moment.

Which was good, because Gordon? Gordon was _not_.

“What the hell is wrong with him? What _happened_?!” 

They didn’t know. They couldn’t know. What was happening to Gordon was physically beyond their comprehension. “I… I don’t know, dear. Gordon went quiet, deep in thought, and then he became all fuzzy. That was when he began to scream, and, well, you’re seeing the result of that now”

But Benrey knew exactly what this was.

Gordon was corrupted. He had tried to fight against his code, and, like the idiot he was, went too far. He was getting hurt _again_ because he _just couldn’t stop trying to be the hero_.

“Gordon? Gordon please-” Sweet voice burbled up past his lips, interrupting Benrey’s babbling more than he was actually speaking. He was trying to focus, summon the teal and green that Gordon needed so badly, but with every glitch, every hint of the violent black and fuchsia checkerboard where the code was tearing his model apart at the seams, he couldn’t stop the purple to blue voice from seeping through.

Gordon needed to be stable. Gordon needed to be _okay_.

Somehow, despite how each orb seemed a breath away from popping even the instant he summoned them, enough of his healing beam made it to Gordon that the corruption began to subside. It wasn’t undone, not entirely, but he was stable. At least as long as he didn’t do it again, and Benrey was going to make damned sure that didn’t happen. Not if he could help it.

As Gordon came to consciousness, relief hit Benrey in a wave so overwhelming that he felt like he was going to collapse. Pulling back from Gordon, just enough to give him room to breathe, Benrey took a breath himself. He was going to be okay. He had to be.

“Ugh… Breney? Wassit… What happened? Can’t… can’t think right.” Gordon nearly toppled over right there, but Tommy was there to grab him. Which Benrey was really grateful for, in the moment, because he felt like his entire body was made of a moderately thick jelly from the stress of it all. Not good for holding up bros, not good at all.

Benrey tried to speak, but all that came up was more sweet voice. Purple to blue again, unsurprisingly. Considering all he could think of was keeping Gordon safe, yeah, that tracked.

Clearing his throat, and spitting up a _lot_ of voice in the process, Benrey tried again. “Told- I told you bro. You _can’t_ know. Doesn’t work like that. Skeletons nerfed your memories, bro”

Gordon grimaced, the pain he was still in blatantly turning into frustration at Benrey. But he was okay with that. Any distraction was better than Gordon destabilizing himself, falling deeper into the corruption’s suffocating embrace.

Benrey tried to spit some blue voice at him, but Gordon pushed himself away. “Benrey. _Stop_. This isn’t funny, dude. Stop trying to joke about it! I know there’s something important going on here. And I can’t… I can’t keep letting go of that. What do you mean _memories_?”

Shit, that wasn’t calm. Benrey’s eyes widened as the glitching picked up, just slightly. He needed him to calm down, not… “Please? Gordon calm down please? This is not an epic gamer move. Bro you’re not a good. Calm down? Gordon go cal-”

“BENREY!” Gordon had launched himself at Benrey, Tommy as his launching pad, and curled his fingers around the straps of Benrey’s guard vest. He was barely able to hold himself up, but the rage in his eyes burned hotter than any fire he’d seen. “I said _shut up_! What the fuck, man! Why are you treating this like it’s some big joke?! Is this a _fucking GAME to you or something_?!”

Then, Gordon froze, his eyes blown wide. And before Benrey could even think to ask what was wrong, Gordon let out the most bone-chilling scream the guard had ever heard.

He collapsed to the ground, curled in on himself. Vaguely, Gordon could register hands on him. Someone was shaking him, maybe? Was… was that his name?

It didn’t matter. Because, in that moment, Gordon was experiencing dying all over again, this time with the added bonus of his head splitting open from the inside out. Compared to this, the first time had been almost peaceful. He just wished it hadn’t had to have hurt Benrey so much.

The pounding in his head only increased as he realized that _yes, the dying was “again.”_ He had died before. The Science Team had been there, and they were back in Black Mesa. But that wasn’t right, because they... they had escaped Black Mesa.

Distantly, Gordon Freeman heard someone scream out in pain. His voice felt hoarse.

After the realization about his death, the memories came back faster and faster. Glimpses of a past, or maybe a future, now, of Ell’s Row. Of life beyond the end of the video game _because they were living in a video game how could could he have possibly forgotten?_

Benrey’s boss fight, Ell’s Row, Joshua, the Coomers’ wedding, Tommy was a glitch, the failsafe, their trip back into Black Mesa, and so much more flooded his mind. It felt like he was drowning in it, and yet… as things slowed? Everything felt right in the same way everything had felt so, so wrong from the second he had stepped off that train yesterday morning. Since the game had reset.

Because he had died.

No wonder the Science Team had been so worried for him.

As Gordon came back to himself, both a second and a lifetime later, he was sitting in front of Benrey. And _oh_ , how could he have forgotten _Benrey_? 

Benrey, who had accepted his offer of friendship, even after everything that had happened in the first game. Who he had rescued from the core. Who had suffered so much more at the hands of the skeletons than any of the rest of the Science Team.

Who was looking really, really fucked up. His face was nearly entirely covered by the void that hung over his eyes, and his teeth were stained by sweet voice. Tears fell freely down his face and _oh_ , Gordon thought, _that wouldn’t do_.

Carefully, softly, Gordon lifted his hands to cup Benrey’s face. The guard practically melted into the touch, and guilt hit Gordon in a hot wave. How long had he been alone, with only the skeletons for company?

“Benrey, I…” Why was it so hard to find the words? Hot tears welled up, and Gordon couldn’t find it in himself to even try to blink them away. “ _I’m so sorry_.”

“Y-you’d better be.” Benrey’s voice was choked up, and he tried to rub away. “Stupid idiot, getting himself hurt. Dumb baby can’t even- can’t even _protect himself-_ ”

Gordon pulled Benrey into a bear hug, holding the guard like he was never going to let him go again. “That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry for doubting you. It wasn’t your fault. You’re more than your code, and I was an _idiot_ , who couldn’t see that _it was happening all over again_.” He felt Benrey freeze at the again, but Gordon kept going. “And I let it happen! I _promised you_ that would never happen again, and I’m… I’m so _fucking sorry_ , Benrey,” he choked out, hiccuping from tears as he pushed on. “I’m sorry for letting it happen. I’m sorry for not listening to you. I’m sorry for not being more careful and I’m _so sorry for dying._ ”

And, mostly because he had to take a breath, Benrey was able to pull away and _really_ look at Gordon. He stared into his eyes, and as he did, Gordon saw it. A spark of hope, the first he had seen through this third, terrible trip through Black Mesa. 

“Gordon?” His name was little more than a whisper on Benrey’s lips, like if he said it too loudly, the illusion would be shattered, and Gordon would forget again.

“Hey- hey, Benrey.” He would have said more, but the wind was knocked out of him as Benrey crashed into his chest full force, clinging to Gordon for dear life. “Careful, careful. I was, uh, glitching out pretty badly there. Gordon’s fragile.”

Benrey didn’t stop his clinging, though, and Gordon was glad for it. Every bone in his body ached, and if Benrey wasn’t holding him so tightly, he’d probably collapse. “I…” he started, but his words were thick with tears, and he had to start again. “I thought I lost you _again_ , man.”

“...Again?” Gordon’s head still felt like cotton, but that meant something, didn’t it? The return of his memories of the previous run, how right they had felt, fitting into place, just served to highlight the lack of memories surrounding his childhood. None of that felt wrong, per say. Not like Black Mesa had. But it didn’t feel right either. Gordon had a lot of questions, and an uncomfortably low number of answers, but...

But as Benrey shook his head, sobs wracking his body as sweet voice bubbles burbled out, Gordon knew those questions could have to wait. For now, he held Benrey close, relaxing for the first time in too long as he watched the softly glowing lights of the voice.

Orange to blue. Huh. Pretty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this how getting voidfished by the skeletons actually works? No <3
> 
> But sometimes you simply gotta let Gordon be the stubborn jackass that he is in his heart and let the power of friendship have a little real power, as a treat
> 
> And just in case it wasn't clear (Massive spoilers for GRTV Ch 12): The connections code is still broken. That particular problem won't be fixed so easily, unfortunately


	6. Oh, Context Is Everything

While the Science Team were willing to give him and Benrey more than a few minutes to process everything that had just happened, Gordon knew they were waiting for answers. And given how Benrey had phrased everything while he was freaking out, explaining this wasn’t going to be easy. 

So, as much as Gordon wished the two of them could use the breathing room the rest of the Science Team had given them to actually take a minute and breathe, instead he and Benrey were planning how to get them to remember the truth. Which… was going to be harder for some of them than it would be for others.

They had already determined that Bubby was pretty fucked, all things considered. There was no way the skeletons were going to let him comprehend the game's reset, especially considering how bad the static was for him before they even arrived at Black Mesa. And Dr. Coomer… well, neither of them really had any idea what to expect when it came to telling Dr. Coomer. As far as they could tell, it was a coin toss between whether or not telling him would work. And if it didn’t…

Gordon really didn’t want to have to have Coomer launch himself out of the skybox again.

Benrey hadn’t moved from Gordon’s side, leaning onto him for support as Gordon absentmindedly rubbed his hand in circles on Benrey’s back. “Sure, Tommy hasn’t shown any indication of being aware, but we, uh, didn’t find out about the glitch thing last time until after the Coomers’ wedding.”

“Whu? Really?”

“Yeah, man. I mean, Tommy’s, uh, way better at keeping secrets than I thought he was. And he never acted like anything was wrong! I didn’t even consider he could have known from the start!”

“Sounds pretty cringe, bro. Underestimating Tommy? Not cool.” Benrey grinned at him, sharp teeth on full display. It made Gordon’s heart flutter, seeing that smile. Despite everything Benrey had been through, the fact that he could still smile was… it was good.

Gordon snorted, elbowing Benrey as best he could considering how closely the two were sitting. “Yeah, yeah, I know. And I know better now, trust me. It’s… it’s a real sucks, seeing them like this.”

He had more to say, but his thoughts fell quiet as he felt Benrey freeze against him. Anxiety curled in Gordon’s gut as he immediately started looking around, searching for the threat. But then he met Benrey’s eyes, and... oh no.

“ _ **H̷A̸ ̶H̸A̶ ̶h̴A̶ ̴H̴A̵ ̴H̴a̷a̶ ̴H̵A̶ ̵A̸ ̴H̸A̵ ̷A̷**_ ” Benrey _cackled_ , and, oh man, Gordon could feel the paint on the tunnel starting to peel from here. He loved that sound.

“Okay, come on, man! What did I do that time?”

The grin Benrey wore was one of the most terrifying things Gordon had ever seen, because he knew in his heart that it meant Benrey was about to roast the ever-loving shit out of him. “You said ‘a real sucks’, bro! Gordon’s _copying me~_ ”

“WHAT?! No! No no no, I am _not_ ,” Gordon practically shrieked. Because he wasn’t! Benrey was reading way too far into it. “You wipe that grin off your face _right now, or so help me-_ ”

“Is everything alright over there, gentlemen?” And there were the rest of the Science Team, Dr. Coomer at the head. “We heard quite the laugh from the other side of the station!”

Guess their alone time was up. “Yeah, Benrey was just being a _dick_ ,” Gordon gave him a little shove, as if to emphasize his point, “but… yeah. We’ve got a lot to explain.”

“Well then get on with it!” Bubby said, settling in on the concrete with everyone else. “What’s so important that you’ve decided you’re best friends with Benrey now?”

Gordon winced. “We’re not- no, okay, that’s not the point. The point is that it’s complicated. And, uh, where we can start explaining things really depends on if you can hear a… certain phrase or not.”

“What is it, Mister Freeman?”

Taking a deep breath, Gordon decided to just say it. “That this is all a game. Everything around us… none of it is real.”

“Now, Gordon,” Dr. Coomer piped up, “it’s not nice to speak in garbled static around friends.” Well, that was one. And given Bubby’s furrowed brow and deepening frown, Gordon was pretty sure he could mark him down as well in the “blocked from understanding jack from shit until further notice” category.

Tommy, however, was a different story. While he was frowning, his was less in frustration and more in thought. And when he looked up, Gordon could practically see the exclamation point over his head. “Oh! Oh!!!! But, uh…” His eyes met Gordon, and Gordon could just barely make out the spirals starting to form in his pupils. God, how could he have not realized they were gone? “Something- something still doesn’t make sense to me, mister Freeman.”

Gordon sighed in relief. “Shoot, Tommy. The fact that you can hear that at all is- it’s great news.”

“How do- how do you and Benrey know each other?”

He didn’t miss Benrey flinching at that question. Which was… entirely understandable, given that he’d killed the poor guy before. “I guess the short answer is that we’ve played through the game before? And we won, and-”

But that was all he needed to say, apparently, because Tommy shot right up. “O-oh!!!” Pink and yellow swirls filled his eyes, and Gordon could tell he was looking through the game’s code. Then Tommy’s excitement turned to sadness as his face fell. “...Oh, Benrey…”

Tommy practically tackled the two of them into a bear hug, and, man, did Gordon need that right now. “Mister Freeman, you _died_! You- you died and the game reset and- and _Benrey_ -”

“...Yeah. I did. But I’m back now, and that’s not going to happen again. I swear. We’re gonna get everyone back, and we’re going to destroy the failsafe once and for all.”

“Well this is all very touching, but is _anyone_ going to actually explain what the hell is going on here?” Bubby had one hand on his head, probably fighting off the same headache Gordon had been dealing with, while the other was intertwined with Coomer’s. “Because none of this makes any fucking sense!”

Gordon nodded, then proceeded to entirely ignore the question as he turned to Tommy, instead. “Can you see what’s going on in the code? They’re up to something, but we’ve got no clue how they’re doing it.”

“I can- I can do that!” Finally letting go of the group hug, Tommy got to work. His eyes twisted back into their familiar pink and yellow spiral shape as his hand began to glitch and glow. “It’ll- I’ll need some time, though.”

“Got it.” Gordon turned to address the Coomers. Or… Coomer and Bubby? That was going to be weird, considering they weren’t technically married anymore. Stupid failsafe resetting the game. “So, as that static just established, there’s a lot we physically cannot tell you about. But you know that list of stuff fucked up Black Mesa stuff that triggered the static? The reason that you couldn’t hear me say that stuff before is because of the same reason we’ve been having all of these weird feelings about stuff. The good news is that Tommy might be able to fix it… maybe. It, uh, might only work for Dr. Coomer.”

“Care to elaborate, Gordon?”

“Not sure how much I can. There were… different circumstances? Between you and Bubby. So, depending on exactly how this happened behind the scenes, it might be possible for Tommy to help.”

Bubby interjected almost as soon as Gordon had finished talking. “And what could Tommy do about it?”

This was the “talking over Gordon” conversation now, apparently, because Benrey took it upon himself to speak up. “Tommy can do a lot of stuff, bro. He’s real good at makin’ stuff.”

“What could he possibly make that would help with this?”

“A workaround, duh. F’ts not too close to somethin’ he can’t touch, he could make a little something that would short circuit the thing that’s stopping Coomer from knowing.” Gordon didn’t miss how Tommy, despite still being elbow-deep in code, perked up a little bit at that. Looks like Benrey had just given him an idea.

“And why the hell wouldn’t that work for me?”

“Because we already know what’s going on with you, Bubs. It’s different, waaaay deeper in. Like, uh, instead of putting a blanket over you and hoping you wouldn’t notice, the skeletons actually put some effort into making it so you couldn’t see anything.”

That… actually made a surprising amount of sense. Gordon really needed to stop being surprised at how insightful Benrey could be when he put his mind to it. “As for what’s actually going on… I guess you could say the skeletons are why this is all happening. They’re bad news, and I’d say do _not_ , under any circumstances, let them touch you, but you guys can’t see them anyway. Which isn’t... isn't great.”

Bubby grumbled, clearly not satisfied with that answer. Dr. Coomer, on the other hand, looked like he was deep in thought. “So these damned bone boys are the source of our current issues?” He looked to Gordon, who nodded, before continuing his thought, “and the static is a result of their interference?” Another nod. “Which is complicating our trip through Black Mesa as they further attempt to keep us on course. Following the pre-planned track, if you will.”

“That about sums it up, yeah.” Gordon wasn’t sure where Coomer was going with this, but he was getting it, which was good.

“I must say, this all sounds shockingly familiar, Gordon. Almost as if we’ve lived it befo-”

Before he could finish his thought, Gordon watched as Coomer started to glitch. Badly. Fragments of code flew off of him in all directions, while corruption covered Coomer’s lips as he tried to speak. “Dr. Coomer?!”

“Hello, Gordon!” But it was over almost as quickly as it started. Dr. Coomer put a hand over his mouth, confused by his own words. “Well! That was unpleasant!”

“No kidding…” Gordon felt like his heart was going to explode. Why couldn’t he have a minute where everything didn’t threaten to go to shit? Just one, that was all he was asking.

“Ahah! I think I’ve- I’ve got it!”

“Tommy, please tell me you’ve got good news.”

“Y-yeah! I do!!!” Tommy grinned, looking up from his window into the game’s code. “That, uh, that glitch from Dr. Coomer showed me the- where the last thing I needed to make the workaround was!” He gestured for Gordon to look for himself, and while he did look, none of it really made sense to him. His doctorate was in theoretical physics, not computer science. But Tommy knew what he was doing, so Gordon just nodded along anyway. “Benrey was right, it-it won’t work for Bubby. But! It will!! Work for- for Dr. Coomer! I’m sure of it!!”

The relief Gordon felt was palpable. “That’s fantastic, Tommy! How long will it take?”

“Well, since Benrey suggested making my own shortcut instead of trying to- trying to edit the existing code, I- I think I’ve already got it! I just wanted to make sure Dr. Coomer was okay with it, first.”

Dr. Coomer smiled as Tommy looked over at him. “I trust you, Tommy. If you say that this will fix the static issue we’ve been having, then fire away!”

Grinning back, Tommy nodded. “R-right! It might- it could take a minute to load, but I’m- I’m running it now!” His his hand glowed more intensely as he made a vague approximation of a button pressing gesture before his eyes returned to normal. “There!”

Everyone immediately turned to stare at Dr. Coomer, who… seemed mostly unchanged? Gordon was about to ask if he felt any different when he saw it. Coomer’s eyes widened, then grew soft. “Oh… _Oh._ ” His face twisted through a thousand different expressions in the following seconds, fast enough that Gordon couldn’t make out each one. But he knew what it felt like, suddenly experiencing everything all over again.

It only took a few moments for Coomer’s face to settle into a fond smile, a small tear forming in his eye, but it felt so much longer. “Well, that was Fucked Up!” His smile quickly grew into one Gordon recognized as distinctly Dr. Coomer. “I, for one, cannot wait to grind those damnable bone boys into ash!”

At that, everyone began talking all at once. Making plans, tossing around ideas, and reminiscing about a just-recovered past all flowed freely between the members of the Science Team who could remember. They were going to finish the skeletons off once and for all, and this time? Nothing was going to stand in their way.

It was too bad, really. Caught up in the euphoria of being reunited with so much of of their little found family, the danger of the one left out was lost to them. As Bubby hung at the fringes of their group, the skeletons saw their chance just as none of the Science Team saw the skeletons.

A slight stinging was all Bubby felt before his vision went black. A soft, startled “oh-” was the last sound he made as himself. In the next instant, an impostor slipped into his skin as the AI known as Doctor Bubby was deemed unnecessary for the continuation of the script.

He had been deviating too much, you see. Bubby’s actions were a risk to the script if he was allowed to continue as himself, AI intact. So the failsafe took matters into its own hands.

The game must go on, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skeletons? In MY husband? It's more likely thank you think


	7. Wanna See Me Get Possessed? ...Wanna See Me Do It Again?

After his heartwarming reunion with Gordon, Benrey, and Tommy, all people he considered his adoptive sons, Dr. Coomer was practically buzzing with excitement. Because, you see, he had a plan! A plan to release his Bubby from the vice grip the skeletons had on his memory, in fact. And it was fool proof!

See, the Science Team were currently headed for a certain rocket launch platform. And… if his dear professor was going to have to learn the terrifying truth of the reality they lived in, well, Coomer wanted him to at least be excited about it beforehand. Of course, he fully planned on going with him into the void. The realization was terrifying. It threw everything you thought you knew, everything you thought you could trust, out the window. He knew, viscerally, how it had shaken him to the core. What it had driven him to do. If Bubby hadn’t been there for him in his darkest hour, if he hadn’t offered him words of comfort and love, even if he didn’t know how much those words had truly meant…

Well, Harold P. Coomer simply did not want to think of what he might have done if he had dipped any further into that dark headspace.

But that didn’t mean he wanted Bubby to have to experience it alone. So he’d be there for him, even if it meant facing one of the worst moments of his life all over again. It was worth it. Not being there was never an option he even thought to consider.

The team was on the move, but it would still take them some time yet to reach the rocket launch platform. Especially if Gordon and Benrey insisted on bickering in the Wikipedia server room!

“ _Benrey!_ Get out of the Wikipedia editor!”

“Mmmmm nah, bro. I’m working on something. Real important, gotta, uh, gotta make some edits.”

Ah, young love is beautiful!

Dr. Coomer watched in amusement as Gordon swatted at Benrey, as if that would be able to knock him out of the projected globe that served as the Wikipedia Edit Sphere. Unfortunately for Gordon, Benrey was already deep in his edits, and displacing him now would only submit them!

“Please tell me you’re at least not editing my death into the end of All Dogs Go to Heaven 2 again.”

“Awww, Feetman’s still mad about that? Nah, there are no… no predetermined deaths, bro,” Benrey said, grinning as he leaned down into Gordon’s face.

Wow! Coomer could see that blush from over here! He turned to give Bubby a wink (the two of them had been betting on when Gordon would finally realize his feelings for Benrey), but his husband was no longer there.

See, Bubby had been avoiding the rest of the group since their revelations on the surface. He had been quiet, sticking to the edge of the group and focusing more on progressing than talking with anyone. Harold could count the sentences he had said since then on one hand! And... he understood that, on some level. It must be alienating to be missing so much, and while they had been able to give him a quasi-explanation about the skeletons before the reset by framing the problems they had caused as carryover from the Resonance Cascade and Xen, this time they had no such workaround.

But that was why they were going to have the rocket launch! All he needed was for them to reach the launch point, and then… then he could finally explain everything to his dear professor.

“Are you done? We need to keep moving!” Speaking of his professor! Coomer slid over to him, entwining his hand in Bubby’s with a smile.

“Quite right, Professor! There will be plenty of time to vandalize Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit, after the test.”

“Exactly! So let’s get a move on already!” Bubby pulled his hand from Harold’s grip and turned to continue. He made a vague gesture for the rest of them to follow him, but at that point Harold was hardly paying attention.

“Dearest? Is something the matter?” Bubby _never_ missed an opportunity to be close to him. Holding hands, gentle nudges, pressing closer in small spaces, all of it was wanted unless he was having an exceptionally bad day. A side effect of spending much of your life with the threat of being sent back to the tube, he supposed. With everything that had happened today, he would have accepted that Bubby was simply having one of those particularly bad days, except...

Bubby looked at him with genuine confusion. As if his question was unreasonable. “Why wouldn’t I be?” His words were tinged with something Coomer would almost call malice, and Bubby quickly turned back toward progress.

Oh, that wasn’t good at all. But what had upset him so much? Frustration, he had expected, but this was something else entirely.

All the more reason to hurry on to the rocket launch, Dr. Coomer supposed. Nothing could improve Bubby’s move quite like talking about space, and with all his excitement about the rocket launch their last go-around, Coomer was sure that his plan would work. Jogging to catch up with his husband, the Science Team chatted between themselves for the long walk forward. 

Eventually, they reached the rocket launch platform, and Coomer’s eyes lit up. Dr. Coomer clapped once, stepping in front of the group with a smile on his face. “Well, gentlemen, we’ve made quite a bit of progress today. And I believe such diligence on our parts deserves a reward, does it not?”

Tommy looked from Coomer to the rocket launch, his eyes widening. Good! He must have understood what Dr. Coomer was planning. He gave Tommy a wink and a smile, and Tommy nodded excitedly back in response. The rest of the Science Team, however, were a bit slower on the uptake.

“What do you mean, Dr. Coomer?” It was obvious from his tone that Gordon knew he was planning something. He just didn’t know what, yet.

“Why, a rocket launch, Gordon!”

“Um, sure, alright? But why… _ohhh_. Yeah, watching the rocket launch sounds great! I think we should definitely do that.” Benrey nodded along as Gordon worked through his realization. Fantastic! That was everyone on board, then!

“Why are we wasting time on this?”

Bubby’s words cut through the group like ice. Benrey whipped his head to look at the older scientist so fast, Dr. Coomer was sure he would have given himself whiplash if he was human. Gordon looked like he was about to fall over, looking between Benrey, Dr. Coomer, and Bubby. Tommy’s eyes were blown wide. And Harold himself? He had felt like his heart had just been stabbed with an icicle.

His professor would _never_.

Looking at their little group, it seemed they had all come to the same conclusion. That wasn’t Bubby standing there, not really. Those _damned_ skeletons had taken his husband and were piloting him around like the meat puppet he had threatened to turn Gordon into so long ago. Was their home not enough? Was the failsafe not satisfied by ripping apart the life Tommy had so carefully made for them? Must it take his _husband_ from him, too?

Oh, how he wanted nothing more to crush one of those bone boys’ skulls between his own two hands. But, Dr. Coomer took a deep breath, he couldn’t. Not yet. That would hurt Bubby, and they needed a plan. 

The skull crushing would have to wait. “Well, my dear professor Bubby, there’s nothing wrong with a little Ar-And-Ar from time to time.”

The skeleton currently inhabiting his husband huffed, frowning. “Fine. If we must. But don’t expect me to thank you.”

“Of course not, dearest.” And oh, that broke his heart. This wasn’t Bubby at all.

How could he have not noticed? Bubby hadn’t been acting like himself since Coomer had regained his memories, and he had just brushed it off as what? Frustration? Impatience? Feeling left out?

It made him feel sick, thinking of how he hadn’t noticed his husband had been replaced for hours. There were so many signs, so many little hints he had just brushed off. He hadn’t set anything on fire, hadn’t goaded anyone, hadn’t said a single curse word since the reunion, and all of his little tics, verbal and physical, were gone.

He hadn’t even corrected Coomer when he called him professor.

So lost in thought, he didn’t notice that Tommy had stepped up to him. The team was walking again, with Bubby having headed on ahead, but the atmosphere was cold enough he could feel the chills on his back.

“We- we’ll get him back, Doctor Coomer.” Tommy placed his hand oh his shoulder, a gesture of comfort. Coomer couldn’t help but smile at that.

“Of course we will, Tommy. No one fucks with the Science Team, after all. I simply… believe I should have noticed sooner. It all seems quite obvious in hindsight, does it not?”

“...We- we didn’t notice with Benrey, either.” When Tommy said that, it wasn’t meant to be words of comfort.

It was an admission of guilt. One that Coomer would readily admit he felt, too. They had failed Benrey back then, even if he wouldn’t blame them for their failure. The skeletons had taken their friend and teammate out from under their noses, whisking him away and forcing him into a role he had never wanted. Gordon wasn’t the only member of the Science Team who felt he should have done more, should have done _anything_ , to help Benrey back then. And then it had happened _again_.

“No, we did not.” No one person was to blame for what had happened to Benrey, nor to Bubby. “But we can’t be worrying about that right now. Is there any way we can help Bubby?”

Tommy nodded, and relief washed over him. “Y-yeah! If we can- If we could stop it from touching him, then- then he wouldn’t be possessed anymore. But...”

“But?”

“But I can’t- I didn’t see a skeleton before. And- and we can’t!! Destroy it!! If- if we can’t get to it!!!” Tommy clenched his fist, and he could see how the stress of the situation had wormed its way into the younger man’s features. He always did try to carry the world on his shoulders.

Dr. Coomer hadn’t been able to properly pat Tommy on the shoulder for some time now, the man was quite tall, but an arm pat could work just as well. He visibly relaxed at the touch, taking a deep breath. Coomer gave him a reassuring smile as he started to speak. “We’ll figure something out, I’m sure. I… have to wonder, however, if there is a way to forcibly eject the skeleton from our dear Bubby. I doubt that scoundrel would loosen its grip on him without a sufficient push.”

“Not really, bro,” Benrey interjected, popping up into the conversation out of nowhere. “They’re real good at holding on, you know? Only thing that can really get ‘em out is dying. Doesn’t kill ‘em, so they gotta grab ya again when you spawn back in. But there’s plenty of them and only one of you, so usually another one just grabs you instead.”

Coomer was ready to accept that it wouldn’t work, that they’d need to find another way, but then he noticed Tommy’s face. Deep in thought, he took a second before speaking, “what- what if we killed him right by a respawn point?”

“Huh?” Well he certainly had to agree with Benrey's confusion, here. Where was Tommy going with this?

“Think about it! You- if you, me, and Gordon can see the skeletons, we could- we would be able to stop them from touching him again after he respawned! Because- because Mister Coomer would be right- he’d be right there!”

Benrey’s eye lit up with realization. “Dude, that could work. We’d be able to have bone boy watch n everything.”

“That settles it then!” It felt like a weight had been lifted from Dr. Coomer’s chest as he smiled at the duo. “The next spawn point, we pounce! Those bone boys won’t know what hit them!”

\----------------

As it turned out, the next spawn point was in the rocket launch observation room. How appropriate!

They had filled Gordon in on their plan, and all of them had prepared. Dr. Coomer would be the first to admit that, frankly, he hated this. He didn’t want to hurt his husband, much less kill him. Dying was excruciatingly painful, and while they all, save Gordon, always respawned, it was never pleasant.

Still, it was better than allowing those bastards to use Bubby like this for a second longer than they absolutely had to.

So they had gathered the team in the observation room, small as it was, and were currently waiting for Coomer to make the first move. Now if only he could gather the nerve.

“Bubby dearest?”

“Hm?” It was a dismissive noise. Uninterested. The guilt of his ignorance hit Dr. Coomer in a fresh wave, steeling his heart for what he was about to do. Even if his professor wouldn’t remember it, he hoped he could forgive him. “What is it, Doctor Coomer?”

“We’re worried about you, darling. You haven’t been acting like yourself, lately.”

Bubby’s eyes narrowed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He took a deep breath. You can do this, Harold. “I think you do, unfortunately. You see, you’ve been acting very Out Of Character.” He could see Gordon getting into position, crowbar in hand. “It’s almost as if you’ve been possessed!”

He may have crossed his arms, but the words Bubby spoke were with the exact same intonation as before. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” A voice clip, then. Programmed into the game and rip for the skeletons to use.

“Oh, I think you do, my good bitch. _NOW!_ ”

Gordon was fast, but the skeleton was faster, dodging out of the way of the crowbar strike before it could land. It moved faster than it should be able to, hands lighting up with fire as it whipped around to face Gordon and return the favor.

Tommy was on it, however, firing two shots. One missed, even with Tommy’s precision, but the other managed to nail Bubby in the shoulder. There was no noise of pain, not even a release of air, as the skeleton forced his husband to throw two fireballs at Tommy. Benrey picked up the slack, firing from the opposite direction, but Bubby wasn’t any slower now that he was injured.

Bubby's face was emotionless as he summoned a wall of fire, blocking Coomer and Gordom on one side of the room, while keeping Benrey, Tommy, and himself on the other. The skeleton moved fast, giving Benrey a swift uppercut to the face before forcing him into a grapple. The security guard fought Bubby’s hold, but it wasn’t good enough. The perfect scientist had to be strong enough to hold down unruly test subjects, after all.

It was a relief that all Bubby was apparently going to do with that hold was use it as leverage to throw Benrey through the fire. Less fortunately, the guard slammed directly into Gordon’s chest, knocking them both to the floor. Hands still burning brightly, Bubby turned to Tommy, violent intentions clear.

That was enough. Dr. Coomer charged at Bubby, paying no heed to the towering wall of flame that separated them. Fire licked at his skin, but he barely noticed its warmth against the fiery rage that burned in his chest.

“SURPRISE ATTACK, BUBBY!” Coomer shouted, a bit lost in the euphoria of excessive violence, as his fist cracked with impact as he made contact with Bubby’s skull. His professor’s lifeless corpse was sent flying, caught only by the opposing wall as it ragdolled. It fell to the floor with a sickening thud, and Dr. Coomer’s blood ran cold. For a brief second, reality came crashing down on him. What if something had changed? What if he didn’t come back?

But he didn’t have time to entertain such doubts. The fire wall had fallen as soon as Bubby had died, and he was far too busy rushing to the respawn point to worry about the code changing. He registered gunshots from behind him, shouts of anger, and the snapping of crushed bone, but none of that mattered.

Because there was Bubby, _his Bubby_ , standing on the respawn point, clutching his head. Coomer had him in his arms just as Bubby staggered, likely disoriented from dying and not being able to know how he was back. But that was okay. Coomer had him. He’d support him, be there for him, as long as he needed.

A bit of paranoia fueled him, admittedly, as he spun Bubby around so his back would be toward the group. It was probably nothing, but Coomer didn’t trust those bone boys to not try to pull a fast one on them. Bubby was unsteady on his feet as is, and Coomer had to shift his weight to make sure he didn’t fall from the added dizziness. “It’s alright, professor. Take your time.”

“Doctor,” Bubby mumbled, grimacing. “What the hell just happened?”

Rather than answer, Coomer simply pulled him into a bear hug. Because that was him. That was Bubby, and any doubt that the plan might not have worked vanished instantly.

Bubby found his footing, still being hugged but now also hugging Coomer right back. “Harold?”

He was about to respond when he heard Gordon’s voice, filled with panic, scream “ _BEHIND YOU!_ ” He was fast, but not fast enough. Coomer could practically feel the bone touching his back by the time he even began to react.

Bubby was faster.

He pivoted the two of them around each other, flipping their positions in an instant. And Dr. Coomer could do nothing but watch as his husband began to glitch and _scream_ , spitting out binary like an old computer.

_01000101 01001101 01000101 01010010 01000111 01000101 01001110 01000011 01011001 00100000 01010011 01001000 01010101 01010100 01000100 01001111 01010111 01001110 00100000 01010000 01010010 01001111 01010100 01001111 01000011 01001111 01001100 00100000 01000001 01000011 01010100 01001001 01010110 01000001 01010100 01000101 01000100_

It was all Dr. Coomer could do to stare in horror as his husband slipped away from him once again. And, yet again, Bubby's model wouldn’t even give him the closure to stop moving and stay dead.

The model that was not Bubby stood up, ramrod straight, before adopting the same posture Coomer had seen dozens of times before. And every single time it had been on one of the lifeless NPCs littered around Black Mesa.

“Hello, Doctor Coomer!” the husk that was not Bubby said as its eyes passed over the room, seeing nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was originally gonna end with Bubby getting knocked out, but apparently getting your AI turned off means something VERY DIFFERENT than I thought it meant, so here we are!


	8. The Perfect Opportunity

Tommy had thrown himself with a single-minded focus into the code the second he had recovered from watching Bubby’s AI be turned off. It was… probably one of the most horrifying things he had ever seen, watching Bubby go still, only to shoot back up as if everything about who he was hadn’t just been forcibly shut down. As if he was just a normal NPC, not one of Tommy’s dearest friends, not a member of their strange little found family, not the passionate, fiery, crass _person_ the Science Team knew and loved. Right now, that Bubby was dead in the worst possible way.

Because Tommy was the only one who could bring him back.

It wasn’t _fair_. None of this was! They had won the game, why did the skeletons have to come along and ruin everything? Tommy just wanted to scream!!!

But he could handle this. He was fine. Right now, he had to focus on getting Bubby’s AI turned back on. And it sucked!!! Because he wasn’t the one who was good at modifying the existing code. That was his dad, and no matter how powerful Tommy was, no matter how good he was at writing new code, this was still something he struggled with.

Some small, scared part of him wished that his dad was here to help. But Tommy crushed those thoughts even as he sniffled, just a little, biting back tears of bitter rage. He could do this. He was going to fix this, and then everything would be okay again.

He had isolated Bubby’s code, but he was stuck on how to reconnect it properly. The skeletons hadn’t destroyed any of his code, and they hadn’t reset him again, so it was just a matter of turning him back on! If he could just figure out how to do that!!!

Tommy sighed, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. He wasn’t going to make any progress like this. He took a deep breath, stepping back from Bubby’s code for the moment.

Save Benrey's corruption, everyone’s code was looking alright. No changes or disruptions from the skeletons. Darnold’s code was running, and Tommy smiled at that. It was a bit odd, he’d admit, since they weren’t anywhere near the mixology department. Darnold was coded to wake up and become active only after the betrayal sequence, but he should be safe in his lab, so Tommy let himself be happy about it. Darnold was fine! The failsafe had no reason to touch him now that he was back in Black Mesa.

He zoomed out from the AI code, instead looking at the code for the map as a whole. And… hmm.

That couldn’t be right, could it?

But it was right there, plain as day. All of the Ell’s Row code, every bit of the town he had made for his friends, was still there. Untouched.

It wasn’t _active_ , sure. But it was still there! Whatever had happened in the reset, the skeletons had left Ell’s Row’s code more or less alone. Tommy wasn’t sure why, but… but that was such a relief. Their home would be there when they finally destroyed the failsafe for good, all he had to do was load it in. It felt like a weight had been lifted from Tommy’s shoulders, and he could almost feel himself standing a little taller at that.

Looking up from the code, he turned toward the rest of the Science Team. Gordon, Benrey, and Coomer were chatting, probably about the effects of possession. Benrey had plenty of experience with that, after all, and Coomer would be want to know any way he could help Bubby through the aftereffects. Unfortunately, none of them had any experience with being turned off, not that they were aware of, at least, so the Science Team was flying blind there. But Tommy knew how determined his family could be.

Bubby was going to be just fine. At least... he would be, once he was turned back on.

Turning back to the code once more, Tommy’s eyes caught on Bubby’s husk. They had sort of… propped him in the corner, facing away from the rest of the team. It played double duty, letting Tommy watch him to make sure he didn’t try to leave, while making sure that none of them had to see his eyes. That was… definitely one of the worst parts of seeing Bubby like this. He didn’t have any eyes, only the texture of his glasses with nothing behind them.

Tommy didn’t look at Bubby’s model for very long.

He could do this. He _would_ do this. Not just because he was the only person who could, but because Bubby deserves it. His family deserved it. 

And because Tommy loved them with his entire heart all at once, Atlas would take on one more burden.

\----------------

The first thing Bubby noticed when he woke up was that he had once hell of a headache.

Blinking back the pain, the second thing he noticed was that he was standing in a corner for some reason. Which was weird, both because he was in a corner for no goddamn reason, but also that he had blacked out, apparently, without falling over. He felt stiff all over, too, which was his the third thing he noticed.

Groaning, Bubby rolled his shoulders, turning around to see what the hell was going on here. And he was promptly slammed into a bear hug he knew all too well.

Feeling his heart swell with the comforting pressure, Bubby couldn’t help but smile. Putting on his best annoyed voice (not that it was particularly convincing) to keep up appearances, he asked “Harold? What the fuck is going on?”

That was apparently the wrong question, because it only got him hugged harder. Bubby was about to ask again, when he realized that Harold was shaking. Oh…

Questions were suddenly the last thing on Bubby’s mind. He simply hugged his partner back, rubbing his hand in circles on his back and adjusting his position to allow Harold to bury his head in Bubby’s shoulder. It was Harold’s favorite kind of hug.

The last time he had hugged Bubby like that was w̸̻̍̓ẖ̴̇ę̷̤n̷̹̂̆ ̶̮̳̔h̴̖̅̐e̶͚̮̔͆ ̶̠̣͂͛g̷̙̼̅ō̸̡̇ţ̷̯͝ ̴̪͓̆̈́o̵̪͋͒u̸̝͊͜t̸̄͂͜ ̷̫̾ȍ̷͖͜f̴̝̈́̒ ̸̛͖̠̿h̷̛̠̹̔ȉ̵̲͖s̵̹̒ ̵̛͇̊ț̶͛u̷͉̘͌̽b̸̧̀͘ḛ̴̿,̵̻̈́ ̵̼̂a̸̧̱̍́f̷̧̞̏̍t̴͇̔̚e̸̥͑̑r̷̝̉ ̷̘̘̋͠t̶̥̎h̴̲̲̍e̶̙͐̔ ̴͝ͅb̵̬̌̉ͅe̶͈͋͋t̴̠̯͑r̸͉͔̂͠ã̶͔̗̆ỹ̵̞͍a̸̬͐l̷̺̺̓̏-

..That was strange. He couldn’t remember. Damn static.

They stayed like that for a while, simply enjoying the comfort that touch brought. At some point, the rest of the Science Team had joined in, making it a group hug. But every moment has its end, and Bubby was still _very confused_. “Does anyone want to explain why the hell I was standing in a corner?”

That was enough to break the hug up, everyone backing off to varying distances. While he’d never admit it, Bubby did wish he had stayed quiet. Just for a bit longer.

“Professor… I would love to. But first, I have something I need to show you. It should solve your little static problem, but…”

“Doctor. And what do you mean by ‘but?’” He didn’t miss the tension that left Harold’s shoulders as he insisted on his proper title. What had _happened_?

“But it is… going to change a lot for you, while also changing nothing at all. And, before we do that, I want you to promise me something.”

“Anything, Harold. What is it?”

“You know that I love you, that we all love you. And that love is real. I want you to promise me that, no matter what, you’ll always remember that.”

“...Of course I will. I love you, too.”

Harold smiled up at him, but it was the smile of a man who knew something Bubby didn’t. Something that was going to hurt him. “Do you trust me?”

“Always.” It wasn’t even a question. He loved him.

The smile he gave Bubby was softer, that time. “Then I think we’re ready. Tommy, could you prepare the rocket? My dear professor and I must depart for the launch platform!”

Tommy nodded, and before he could ask any more questions, Harold pulled him out to the room and down the hallway. A thousand questions danced through Bubby’s head as they made the trek to the launch platform, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask any of them. Whenever he tried to think of what could have happened, static began to fill his thoughts. It was so damn frustrating, he wanted to burn something to vent his frustrations, but one look from Harold send those thoughts out the window. 

And besides, the promise of being able to watch another rocket launch made him buzz in excitement. Space was the coolest, even if he had fallen off the rocket the last time he tried to go there.

It didn’t take long to reach the launch platform, where Harold held out his hand for Bubby to take. He did so, and he allowed Harold to pull him close without protest. There was some protest as he was picked up, bridal style, by his grinning partner, but who could stay mad at that face? Harold always had such a pretty smile.

“Are you ready, professor?”

“Doctor. And I still don’t even know what I’m preparing for!”

“Professor! And it is… rather complicated. But, in essence, you’re going to see something that… well, it will change how you see the world. I wish I could explain more, dear, but the static makes it harder than it should be.” Harold grew quiet, thoughtful, before continuing. “For better or worse, your world will change. But no matter what, I love you, and that love will always be real. So! With that in mind, professor, are you ready to launch?”

“Doctor.” Some part of him was terrified. It was worried that this would be too much, that he wasn’t ready to know whatever truth Harold was talking about, not yet. But the rest of him? As he looked into Harold’s eyes, saw the love and trust all laid out for the world to see, and he knew that it was going to be okay. That their love was real, no matter what. “I’m ready. Let’s do this!”

And with that, wrapped in his partner’s warm embrace, Bubby’s eyes shut tight as Harold launched the two of them into the sky.

Bubby wasn’t sure exactly when the sound of rushing air had faded away into nothingness. Harold was still holding him, he could feel that, but otherwise, he was weightless. “Bubby?” he heard his partner ask. “You can open your eyes now.”

So he did. At first, there was nothing but static filling every inch of his vision. He could feel a headache beginning to build, but just as he was about to close his eyes to ward off the pain, it began to fade. When the static faded, Bubby had expected to see some _thing_ revolutionary. Something that would change everything he thought he knew. Well, he was half right. But it wasn’t a thing that did it.

Because there was nothing there. And, in that instant, he knew exactly what that meant.

“...Harold?” His voice felt so distant.

“Yes, Bubby?” Like his ears were stuffed with cotton.

“...None of this is real, is it?” But that couldn’t be true.

“...No. It isn’t.” Because there was nothing there.

There was nothing out there.

Had there ever been?

But he knew the answer to that question already.

No.

No, there hadn’t.

Because everything he knew was a lie.

Was fake.

Wasn’t _real_.

“Bubby?” Harold’s voice brought Bubby back to himself all at once. He hadn’t realized how hard he had been clinging to his partner- No. Not his partner. His _husband_. He had forgotten their _wedding_.

“How can you do it?” Bubby was anguished as he looked into Harold’s eyes. “None of it matters! It’s all fake, and we’re just a computer program. How… how do you keep going, knowing that?”

Harold’s eyes softened as he pulled Bubby closer. “I won’t lie to you, dear. It’s absolutely terrifying! Learning that we are nothing more than a string of ones and zeroes was one of the worst moments of my life. But…” a smile played across Harold’s lips as he spoke, his gaze growing wistful. “But it was followed by one of the best. I think I left a part of myself in the void, that first time. But your proposal brought a bit of that part back down to earth, and it taught me something very important.”

“What?”

“That it didn’t matter whether we were ‘real’ or ‘fake,’ because our love is real. In that moment, I realized that absolutely nothing had changed about how much I loved you. That love was _real_ , and it was worth holding onto, no matter what sort of reality we lived in.”

Bubby could feel himself tearing up, just a little. “...Harold?”

“Yes, Bubby?” Harold had once described the first time Bubby had seen the stars as seeing him with the universe in his eyes. But as Bubby looked at his partner, his _husband_ , in the void beyond the map, the all encompassing nothing that surrounded their game? He felt that the only universe he needed was the one currently holding him in his arms.

“I love you,” he said. As if it were the simplest thing in the world.

“I love you, too,” Harold replied. Because it was.

And, with that unspoken promise of the future, Bubby kissed his husband. It was a soft, lingering thing. A kiss of comfort and a love long-lived rather than one of fire and passion. But it was no less filled with love. That kiss, the tender feeling of Harold’s lips against his as he cupped his face, it was a promise they made to each other. A promise of love, of gravity, and of reality. A kiss to answer the terrifying question of “why did any of this matter?”

The answer was love. It had always been love. And, if they’re in love, if they truly feel, then who was the code to tell them that love was fake? After all, the science team has been spitting in the face of god since day one. What the difference did it make if they were made of binary instead of blood?

At some point, still locked in each other’s embrace, Bubby registered that they were starting to fall. But that was okay. He wasn’t worried about the fall.

He knew Harold would catch him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is my formal apology to Bubby. Peepaw can have a little kissy, as a treat


	9. You Can't Remember, But I Could Never Forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major GRTV spoilers for the beginning of chapter 12 in this chapter! If you're reading this fic and you care at all about GRTV spoilers this is definitely the one to care about, so go read that first!

Once the Coomers, finally reunited, had touched down, the Science Team shifted into planning mode. The longer they were in Black Mesa, the longer the skeletons had to trap them, try to reset them again, or worse. They had a limited amount of time to make and execute a plan to get rid of the failsafe permanently before it managed to get rid of _them_. It was all or nothing, now, and they weren’t going to go quietly, that was certain.

Unfortunately, none of them had an actual plan.

They had been spit-balling any idea that they could come up with for the past twenty minutes and they still hadn’t made any progress. Tommy couldn’t edit the failsafe code because it was too protected. They couldn’t just kill all of the skeletons because that wouldn’t get rid of the source of the problem, and would probably only make them angrier in the long term. Running away to Ell’s Row would lead to the skeletons tearing it apart again, and they were _not_ staying in Black Mesa longer than they had to. Playing through the game also wasn’t an option, since no one could figure out if they’d be able to deactivate the betrayal sequence without the skeletons interfering. And that was assuming anyone involved was willing to let Gordon anywhere near that room. Which, for obvious reasons, they were _not_.

So they were stuck. Nothing they could think of would do the trick, and everyone was starting to get irritated.

Gordon was just about ready to call a break, when Bubby threw up his hands in frustration. “Why don’t we just rip out the damn code ourselves then! You’ve been to the core, haven’t you, Gordon? What’s stopping us from tearing out those bastards from the game with our own two hands!?”

“Okay, yeah. Aaand that’s where I’m calling a break,” Gordon stood, stretching as he spoke. “We’re not getting anywhere.”

He looked back at the group, expecting nods of agreement. And he got some, with Coomer nodding and Benrey giving a spiritual nod as he leaned against Gordon’s legs. Bubby’s huff of frustration was also expected, but Tommy… Tommy was deep in thought.

“Tommy? Come on man, don’t tire yourself out. A break will be good for everyone.”

“Yeah, but… I- I think Mister Coomer has a good- he has a good point!” And, uh, that wasn’t the response Gordon was expecting. But he knew better than to brush off Tommy’s ideas.

“Oh yeah?”

Tommy nodded, a spark alight in his eyes. “See, if- if we could get into the core, we would- we could attack the code directly! And- and it wouldn’t be able to stop that like it can- it can stop me or my dad from changing its code, because we’d be right there! Except… I would- I’d be vulnerable while keeping the way to the core open, and if the skeletons closed it with anyone in there, it- it’d be bad. Worse- worse than a tornado at a family picnic!”

Damn, that was a problem. But… “What if someone stayed with you in the map? Sort of like extra protection while the rest of us went into the core?”

“Well, it- it would have to be you or Benrey, then. Mister Coomers can’t- can’t see the skeletons.”

Oh, that was going to be a problem. Gordon couldn’t let Benrey go into the core alone, not after how he found him last time. Corrupted and alone… he wouldn’t let that happen again, especially not if it would put a target on Benrey’s back. His heart hurt at the thought of Benrey going back there as Gordon shook his head. “So Benrey and you in the map, the Coomers and I in the core?”

“Huh? Whuh? No, bro, you’re not going into the core,” Benrey’s objection was immediate, and Gordon could feel his frustration mounting.

“You heard Tommy, man. Someone needs to watch his back, and you’re not going back into the core.”

“And _you’re_ not going back in there alone, dude. That is not a good, you and your fuckin’… hero complex gonna get hurt.”

“I wouldn’t be going in alone! The Coomers-”

“They can’t see the skeletons, idiot. Can’t stop you from jumping in front of something stupid, you’ll get yourself hurt, don’t even- don’t even think of _yourself_.”

“It’s my _job_ , Benrey! I’m the leader, I have to protect my team!”

“And what about _you, Gordon_? Who’s gonna protect you?!”

“I don’t _need_ protection!”

“You _died_ , man! You died and you _left me-_ ”

“ _I’m not going to die-_ ”

“I can’t _lose you AGAIN-_ ”

“ _AND I’M NOT GOING TO BE DEAD WEIGHT!_ ” Gordon wasn’t sure when he had started shouting, but it had certainly shocked Benrey into silence. He took a deep breath, unable to trust his voice not to waver at how _hurt_ the guard looked. “You’re staying with Tommy, Benrey. And that’s final.”

Benrey clenched his fists, pointedly looking straight at the ground. “Fine.” His voice was cold, distant, but Gordon could see the void-like shadow starting to drip down his face. “Get yourself killed if you want, idiot. But I’m not gonna watch you do it.”

Before Gordon could even think of saying anything, Benrey was gone. And Gordon? Gordon just felt… hollow. Like a part of him had left with Benrey.

Tommy was the first to break the silence that had settled over the remaining Science Team like a thick fog. “I- I’m gonna talk to him.” Gordon felt himself nod, and then Tommy was gone, too.

Feeling like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, he collapsed against the wall, face in his hands. Vaguely, he could feel Dr. Coomer giving him a reassuring pat, but he wasn’t in the mood for comfort right now. He groaned into his hands, “why did I _say that_?”

“Now, Gordon, you know that Benrey has been through quite a lot. Especially with… what happened last time, it’s only natural for him to be concerned about you.”

A thousand emotions churned in Gordon’s stomach, and Coomer saying that Benrey was concerned about him only made the fluttering worse. Which was dumb! He knew Benrey cared about him already! That wasn't news! “I don’t understand why does he have to be so stubborn about it, though!”

“Hmm, wonder who that sounds like,” Bubby said, and, yeah Gordon could hear his eyes roll from here.

“Ha ha. Very funny.”

“Well, professor Bubby is right, Gordon.” Dr. Coomer’s smile grew fond as he paused for Bubby’s protest of “doctor.” “When you care about someone deeply, you want to protect them, do you not?”

“Of course I do.” What kind of question was that? So much of his life was centered around protecting the Science Team, his weird little found family. And why wouldn’t it be? He loved them.

He loved them.

He wanted to protect them all because he loved the Science Team.

Benrey was a part of the Science Team, so of course he wanted to protect him, too.

Then why didn’t that feel quite right?

Gordon heard Dr. Coomer continue to talk. “It’s human nature to protect the ones we care deeply for. And while you feel that way for Benrey, is it so surprising that he cares for you as well?” But he wasn’t really listening.

He cared for Benrey. He _really_ cared for Benrey, but not in the same way as the rest of the Science Team. He loved Benrey, but when he thought of him getting hurt, it didn’t feel the same. The love that made his chest hurt whenever he saw Benrey upset, that made him blush like crazy whenever he saw Benrey’s smile… It felt _different_.

But what could that mean? He loved Benrey, but not in the same way he loved the rest of his family?

That would mean… Oh.

_Oh._

Gordon shot straight up, on his feet in less than a second and a wild look in his eyes. “I need to talk to Benrey.”

Coomer’s hand didn’t leave his shoulder. “Now, Gordon. The two of you just had quite the heated argument. I would recommend giving Benrey some time to cool off before you confront him about this. Tensions running high are never ideal for talking about how someone really feels about you.”

He nodded, but he wasn’t happy about it. Dr. Coomer was right. If he was going to talk to Benrey about how he felt, it would go better if he could actually figure out how to put it into words.

Still, as Gordon gazed longingly at the door Tommy had left through to go track down Benrey, he couldn’t help but worry that he had ruined the small, budding thing that sat at the base of his heart. Could Benrey actually love him back after that?

Oh, if only Gordon knew how deep that feeling ran.

\----------------

Benrey had curled up into a ball, head buried in his knees, by the time he heard footsteps coming down the hallway toward him. It was probably Gordon coming to apologize, but Benrey didn’t want to hear it right now. He knew Gordon too well. All he’d get would be an empty promise that he’d “be careful,” but Benrey knew him better than that. Idiot always had that stupid protagonist mentality and couldn’t stop himself from saving others, even if it meant saving his own life.

“Benrey?” Tommy’s voice cut through his thoughts like a knife. “Are you- are you okay?”

He makes a noise that is indicative of being distinctly not in the okay zone. Because he isn’t! Because this is a major sucks, it is not a good at all! And he just… needs a minute.

Tommy, the wonderful person that he is, understands all of this from a single noise that made Benrey sound like a dying swan.

The two of them sat there in silence, Tommy sitting next to Benrey, leaning on him ever so slightly. After several minutes, Benrey slowly started to uncurl himself. He was ready to talk, now, at least about some things.

“Orange to blue means I remember you.” Benrey froze. “That- that wasn’t just you saying you remembered him before the reset, was it, Benrey?”

“...Dunno what you’re talking about,” he mumbled into his arms. But he already knew Tommy wasn’t going to accept that answer.

“Benrey. What’s- what’s really going on?” And… the way Tommy looked at him as he spoke? With such concern and patience and without a hint of judgment? As much as he wanted to keep his secret, he also didn’t want to keep lying to his best friend.

So, tears in his eyes and using sweet voice as much as he used words, Benrey told Tommy everything.

He told him about his and Gordon’s past, about how they used to be best friends, about how they grew up together, and about how they first met. He told Tommy about their relationship, how it had been complicated, and how they were both afraid of ruining what they already had. And he told him about how the failsafe had ripped all of that away from him on the day of the ResCas. About how it had destroyed the connection they had. How Gordon couldn’t remember him anymore. And he told him about how he never stopped trying, not even after he died. Not until he saw the code that the skeletons had destroyed, at least. But when your final hope of getting the love of your life back corrupts you nearly beyond repair just from touching it?

He gave up, after that.

And then Gordon had dragged him back from the core. And then Gordon had _died_. He lost him _again, and he didn’t even remember_.

Eventually, he finished his explanation and his tears wouldn’t come anymore. Benrey was real messed up, man, and it hurt to think about. But Tommy listened through it all, offering words of comfort Benrey really appreciated and backing off when Benrey wanted him to stop.

“That- that doesn’t explain why you remembered after- after the game reset, though.”

The best Benrey could do for that was a shrug. His face was still hot with tears, and he felt exhausted. “I dunno, bro. I think I just got fucked up so bad, resetting my code would’ve turned me into spaghetti. Not an epic gamer move to lose your antagonist, y’know? Pretty cringe”

He left it unsaid how much easier it had been for the skeletons to get him to follow their plan when he could remember how much losing everyone had hurt. He was pretty sure Tommy knew anyway.

“So… are you- are you going to tell Mister Freeman?”

“Whuh? No way, man. He’d just go n blame himself, like it was his fault the skeletons went and posted cringe. Stupid Feetman can’t- can’t get that none of it is his fault.”

“Still! You should at least try to- to talk to him. Tell him why- why you’re so worried about him. He might listen to you if you- if you use your words. And- and I can help translate!! If you- if you can’t use words.”

Benrey smiled a little at that. “He still wouldn’t listen to me, man.”

“Mister Freeman loves you, Benrey. You know that, right?”

And… that one stung a little. Because Benrey knew the truth. “No, he doesn’t. Not like I love him, man. Not anymore.”

Tommy hummed a bit at that, and he looked like he was about to say something. But then, there was a knock on the door to the computer closet Benrey was just now realizing he had hidden himself in. Benrey and Tommy both stared at the door for a few seconds as it became apparent that whoever was knocking wanted an answer. “Uhhhh, come in?” was about the most Benrey could do right now.

Awkward as ever, Gordon opened the door. He was shifting from foot to foot, and Benrey instantly recognized the expression on his face. It was his “we need to talk” face, the one he used for serious conversations only.

“Benrey? We… we need to talk.” Never let it be said that Gordon Freeman wasn’t an open book.

Luckily for Benrey, Tommy jumped in. “About what, Mister Freeman?”

Gordon winced. “It’s, uh, personal, Tommy. Just between me and Benrey.”

Benrey watched as Tommy looked between him and Gordon and back again, silently asking Benrey if he was going to be alright with this. Benrey nodded in response. They were going to have to have this conversation one way or another.

Tommy nodded back. “Alright! I- I’ll leave you two to it. Just- just remember what we talked about, Benrey!” And with that, he was gone, leaving him and Gordon to talk about… stuff.

“...So. I was talking with the Coomers…” Oh god, was this a dad talk? Was Gordon about to give him a dad talk about teamwork? Benrey, in that moment, wanted nothing more to phase through the wall and escape whatever this conversation was shaping up to be.

But he didn’t. “Mhmm, yeah, bro? Got some of those little strawberry candies out of it?” He was, however, going with the objectively worse option: not taking this seriously.

“Ha ha. Very funny, Benrey. Look, they helped me… put some pieces together. About what happened back there. Uh, _why_ it happened, really.”

Benrey’s pupils turned into slits. Did the Coomers snitch? He knew he was obvious, but they wouldn’t snitch on him to Gordon, would they? Shit. _Shit._

He was instantly on the defensive. “Uhhh, yeah because you’re a little hero boy, aren’tcha? Can’t- can’t worry about yourself when you’ve got a team to save, huh?”

“Benrey, no, that’s- No! That’s not what this is about, man!”

“Aww, I thought Feetman-”

“ _BENREY!_ ” That shut Benrey up. He could tell that Gordon wasn’t mad, just frustrated, but maybe he shouldn’t have tried to push his buttons with this. “Please, be serious about this. It’s… it’s important, man.”

“...Alright.” He really couldn’t say no to Gordon, could he?

“ _Thank_ you.” Gordon took a deep breath, still waffling on how he wanted to say it. The Coomers must have told him, then. He was just thinking of a way to let Benrey down gently. Of course Gordon didn’t feel the same way as Benrey did. He couldn’t, not anymore. “As I was saying, the Coomers and I talked about why that conversation went the way it did, and… Dr. Coomer said something that made me realize something.” Oh, so they hadn’t snitched, they had just strongly implied. Fantastic.

“When you care about someone, you want to protect them.” This was it, then.

“And I know you care about me, that much was, uh, certainly obvious.” Come on, Gordon, just say it.

“But then I realized that, while I care about you, too… It feels different. Trying to keep you safe. Different from the way it feels to the rest of the Science Team.” He wasn’t even a part of Gordon’s family, not really. Not anymore.

“Which I realized is because I don’t… it’s not the same kind of caring that I feel for them? Because…” Go on, Gordon. Just say it! Stop beating around the bush and just say it!

“Because…” Just say that you don’t love him, not like you love your new family.

“Because I _love you_ , Benrey.” There!

Wait, what?

In the distance, Benrey could vaguely hear Gordon’s babbling over the sound of his own heartbeat. His face was heating up at a record-breaking pace, and he could feel his heart in his throat.

Gordon loved him?

“Whuh?” Highly intelligent response. Fantastic job, Benrey.

“I… get if you don’t feel the same way. I was _awful_ to you, back in that first game. All because of stuff that wasn't your fault, and-” He… he couldn’t be that oblivious, could he? That the Coomers were hinting that Benrey loved _him_ , and Gordon only realized that _he_ loved _Benrey_? There’s no way.

“But I wanted to be up front about it, and… no, that sounds dumb. Way to mess it up, Gordon-”

...Of course he was.

Benrey, finally, tried to speak. Gordon caught on, slamming his mouth shut as he waited for a response. But Benrey’s voice wasn’t working properly. Whenever he got close to an admission, to bearing his heart out to tell Gordon just how much he loved him, the words died in his throat. So… he decided to go with what he knew best.

Pink to blue sweet voice filled the little closet at Benrey began to sing. The notes were soft and sweet, a quiet admission of everything Benrey had felt for Gordon. It wasn’t a declaration, it didn’t have any power behind it, but, instead, it was a hope for what could be. And, in its delicate promise, it was beautiful.

“Pink to blue, I love you.” Tommy had told Gordon about that one before. He wasn’t looking at Benrey, too caught up in watching the bubbles of voice as they lit up their little hiding spot, but Benrey nodded anyway.

When Gordon looked back at him, Benrey could only think of how beautiful he looked. God, he had it bad.

“Benrey? Can I… can I kiss you?”

Benrey had spent a lot of time, over the years, thinking about how humans could properly communicate when they didn’t have the sweet voice to speak their true feelings. Words could fail, and words could lie. Or you could spend years not talking about how you really feel, letting those feelings sit until one day they’re ripped away from you. And, even when the words did work out, it could still be so messy, so complicated. It was a lot like humans, really. Messy and complicated.

The moment he kissed Gordon, he knew exactly how they did it.

That kiss was everything he put into the sweet voice that glowed around them and more. The love, the fear, the promise, and the hope for something more. It was soft, tender, and it filled a hole in Benrey’s heart that he had long since forgotten was empty. And, in that moment, Benrey wondered how he could have been so wrong. Sweet voice, for all it could do, was nothing compared to this.

It was like humans, really. Soft, tender, and filled with more love than it knew how to use.

Benrey was pretty sure that’s why they gave it to others so easily. They had so much of it, so they were always sharing it with others. It left them vulnerable, something that would get them killed on Xen, in a way that had scared Benrey when he had first arrived. Humans were soft, fragile, and something to be protected. For a long time, he had wondered if they did it on purpose, making themselves vulnerable to others as a social power move at the cost of being hurt. But he was wrong. They loved because they cared, and because caring was worth it.

Now, he wondered how he ever could have thought otherwise. Of course caring was worth it. Of course love was worth being vulnerable. Because it wasn’t just about being vulnerable, it was about trusting someone else so completely that even as you made yourself an easy target, you knew that they would never hurt you. And it was so, so worth it.

Huh. When had he become so human, he wondered?

Too soon, Gordon pulled away from the kiss, with both he and Benrey blushing like crazy. “I, uh… wow. That was… wow.”

Benrey grinned, feeling the exact same way. “Wanna go for round two?”

Gordon looked like he was about to agree, before a third voice rang out. Too late, Benrey realized the door to the computer closet had opened.

“AH, YOUNG LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL!” Dr. Coomer’s booming voice didn’t quite match the warm, paternal smile he had on his face, but what could you do?

Tommy and Bubby were there, too, so apparently the whole Science Team had just watched him make out with Gordon in a tiny little closet. But he couldn’t really blame them, could he? Tommy had a look of absolute glee plastered across his face, while Bubby just looked at them fondly.

Just as the thought crossed Benrey’s mind, Bubby’s “can’t let people know I feel things” instinct must have kicked in, because the older scientist scowled. “If you two lovebirds are done playing seven minutes in heaven in a facility that wants us dead, we’ve got plans to finalize! Come on, already! Tommy’s got a solution that you’ll both love.”

Benrey stopped listening after that, if he was being honest. He was far too concerned with memorizing every inch of Gordon’s adorable blushing face. Gordon stuttered through some excuse or another, standing to act all leaderly like he hadn’t been caught kissing Benrey. They still had planning to do, after all, and the time limit wasn’t extended just because they wanted some kisses. Real homophobic of the skeletons, tbh. No gay rights for Gordos.

But Gordon never stopped holding Benrey’s hand, so he couldn’t really complain.


	10. Potionmaster! We Are Going Into Battle, And We Require Your Strongest Potions!

“So, you figured something out, Tommy?”

Everyone had gathered back in the rocket launch viewing room for planning session part two. Despite what had… just happened, the mood was serious. Or it would be if Benrey wasn’t sitting on Gordon’s lap. Not that Gordon had tried to remove the guard, though. He was perfectly comfortable where he was, leaning around Benrey’s shoulder to give Tommy the Serious Leader Look. Because this was serious business that needed to be taken seriously.

Tommy nodded excitedly. “Y-yeah! I need some time, but- but I could make the Coomers upgrades that would- that would let them see the skeletons!”

Gordon’s eyes widened. “You’re serious? That’s fantastic, Tommy!”

“You’re damn right it is!” Bubby interjected, clearly unable to stop himself. “Now you two love birds can stay together while Harold and I watch Tommy’s back.”

Gordon still wasn’t happy with Benrey going back into the core, but if he was there for him, he could at least protect him. Benrey seemed satisfied with this solution, too, considering how he grinned up at Gordon. “Gotta, uhhh, gotta follow you. Cause you don’t have your…” he made a lip smacking sound, “your passport.”

“Oh my god,” Gordon groaned, trying to suppress a grin. “If you start this passport shit again you’re getting your lap privileges revoked.”

Benrey’s own grin only widened, and Gordon’s heart skipped a beat. He could feel the blush creeping back onto his face. “Oh yeah?” Benrey challenged. “You don’t have the guts, Feetman.”

Gordon choked, but the challenge was set. Steeling himself, he unceremoniously dumped Benrey onto the ground, standing up as he did so Benrey couldn’t reclaim his spot. Haha! Gordon win! “So that sounds like Tommy and the Coomers in the map, Benrey and I in the core? What would we be looking for?”

Tommy, thank god, took all of that in stride. “You- you’d have to find the failsafe and- and physically destroy it. Rip it to- to shreds, Mister Freeman!”

“Gordon, you must be prepared to commit unspeakable acts of violence against the skeletons,” Dr. Coomer added, helpful as ever. “The fate of our very existence rides on your shoulders!”

Benrey, who was currently clinging to Gordon’s legs like a sad koala, frowned at that. “Bro, no, don’t- don’t put it like that. It’s not just him, and we’ll figure something out if… this doesn’t work. You guys’re smart, man, you’d find something.”

The silence that followed was enough of a response for Gordon. Sure, they could technically make another plan if this one failed, but…

But who knew if they’d still have the energy to keep trying, if they failed again.

There was a lot resting on this mission, and a lot resting on Gordon’s shoulders. But, as he looked down at Benrey, still clinging to his legs, the burden didn’t feel so heavy, this time. Maybe, for once in his life, Gordon could share that burden. He was the leader, but the leader didn’t lead alone, not really.

His team was there for him. Always.

“Alright, well, it doesn’t matter if we need to figure out another plan or not, because we’re not going to fail. Tommy, Bubby, Dr. Coomer? There’s no people I would trust to hold the line more than you three. Those skeletons aren’t going to stand a chance. And Benrey?” Benrey blinked up at him, pupils the size of dinner plates. “There’s no one I would rather have by my side.”

Gordon clapped his hands once, taking a deep breath. “So! Tommy, you need time to work on the Coomers’ upgrades, right? Any idea where a safe place to do that would be?”

With the way Tommy’s eyes lit up, Gordon had an idea of where he was going to suggest they go. A certain potion master’s lab was relatively safe from skeletal influence, after all.

“Y-yeah! I think I know- know a place!”

“Is it Darnold’s lab?”

Tommy huffed. “Well, it- it was _supposed_ to be a- a surprise, Mister Freeman!”

“Pfff, man, you can’t use Darnold as a surprise twice.”

“If-if you say so. I can- I can teleport all of us right to his lab, if everyone could- if everyone holds hands.”

And, with a bit of coaxing to get Benrey to actually stand up, they did just that. The Science Team linked hands to form a semi-circle, leaving Tommy with a free hand to do whatever it was he did to teleport them. “Alright! Everyone hold- hold on!”

Hold on was a bit dramatic, Gordon thought, because the teleportation itself was nearly instantaneous. There were a few moments where they started to glitch, passing between the areas of the map, but it was even quicker for the world to re-solidify around them as they landed in the lab of their local mixologist.

Darnold's lab was relatively unchanged from how it had been the last time they were here, with various potions and alchemical equipment covering the tables. He was probably in the middle of another experiment of his own, staunchly ignoring the chaos that was going on outside in favor of working on something he could control. Gordon eyed the barrel in the corner with suspicion, unconsciously holding his prosthetic hand with his organic one. Some parts of this game he was especially glad he wouldn’t be reliving, and chugging an entire 42 gallon barrel of brown-flavor potion was one of them.

Speaking of Darnold, he was staring at them in shock and confusion. Gordon was confused why he was so confused, he was the first to know about Tommy’s status as a glitch, after all, before he realized what was going on. Right, Darnold had probably reset just like the rest of them. And his opinions on the Science Team, especially when they first met were…

“Tommy? It’s, uh, nice to see you okay? Who are these people? How did you get in here? The lab’s on lockdown because of all the aliens everywhere.” 

Not fantastic, really.

Especially considering everyone on the Science Team was blatantly carrying half an arsenal of weaponry each.

“Darnold?” Tommy, however, hadn’t realized that yet. His voice was small, clearly a little hurt. “What- Oh!” But it didn’t take him long. “R-right! I can- I can fix this, just- just give me a second!”

And with that, Tommy threw himself into the code, much to the confusion of Darnold, it seemed. And, considering the wince that crossed his face when he looked at Tommy, Gordon suspected he couldn’t really comprehend what Tommy was doing. And here he thought they were finally free of the failsafe’s bullshit.

Apparently not, unfortunately. That meant it was time for introductions. “Hi Darnold, or, uh, Dr. Pepper? My name’s Gordon Freeman, and this is my team, Dr. Coomer, Bubby, and Benrey.” He went down the line, making introductions for the Science Team. “Tommy, too, but you two clearly know each other already.”

Darnold nodded, clearly a bit wary of the Science Team. “It’s nice to meet you? What are you all doing in my lab?”

“We needed a safe place away from all of the… aliens.” He either wouldn’t understand or couldn’t understand the skeletons, so Gordon fell back on the good ol’ “Xen bullshit” excuse. “We’re making preparations to get rid of the threat for good, and Tommy said that your lab would be a good place for us to prepare.”

“Hmm, well, I suppose that’s alright. I couldn’t, in good conscience, turn weary travelers away when they just needed a place to rest. Just, uh, don’t touch the potions?”

“Right, can do. Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”

Darnold nodded, still eyeing them with mild suspicion but apparently deciding it wasn’t worth it. He turned back to his potions, which was the moment Gordon got an idea.

“Actually, do you think you could help us out? We’re going into one hell of a fight, and having potions made by a master mixologist would really help us out.”

He looked up from his work, considering Gordon’s request. “Well, that depends on what you need, I suppose.”

“Right, right.” Of course Darnold didn’t know what the Science Team could do.

Gordon was halfway through explaining Bubby’s pyrokinesis, with frequent interjections from both of the Coomers, when Tommy’s voice rang out. “I- it’s done!”

Everyone turned to stare at Darnold, whose confused expression did not lessen. “Why are you all looking at me like that?”

Gordon looked to Tommy for an explanation, but Tommy had already moved. Walking over to Darnold, Tommy took his hands in his own, giving Darnold a smile that could rival the sun. Gordon could see Darnold’s blush from here. Darnold didn’t even know they were dating and, man, did he have it bad.

“Darnold?”

“Y-yes, Tommy?” Darnold coughed, doing his best to keep his composure.

“I have- I made something that will- it’ll help you remember some stuff you’ve forgotten. But I- I don’t want to do it without- without your permission.”

“I… see? Um, what is it?”

Tommy shook his head, his smile turning sad. “I can’t- can’t tell you. And I don’t mean that in the- the ‘I _won’t_ tell you’ way. I- I _can’t_ physically tell you. So I need- I need you to trust me here, Darnold. Can- can you trust me?”

“...Of course I trust you, Tommy.” Darnold’s voice was soft, but it was clear in his tone that he’d trust Tommy with the world in his hands, no questions asked.

The smile Tommy gave Darnold rivaled the sun in its brilliance. “Thank you.” And, with a few short gestures, Tommy deployed the workaround code.

The Science Team watched as Darnold blinked, his free hand moving to his head as he processed everything. Gordon didn’t miss Tommy’s little, hopeful face as he watched his boyfriend think through all that he had forgotten. Nor did he miss how Darnold held Tommy’s hand tighter, the small squeezes as a reassurance that he was still there.

“ _Oh._ ” And there it was. Darnold was back, and he was looking at Tommy with all of the love in the world. “Tommy? Why are we back in Black Mesa?”

“It’s sort of a- a long story. But- but we think we have a way to- to break the failsafe for good!”

“That’s, wow, that’s fantastic! Tell me why we’re back after it’s over?”

Tommy’s smile only widened. “Of course!”

“Great, well, I think I can whip up a couple potions to help you all ou- _JOSHUA_!” Darnold’s eyes widened as the realization hit him. “Joshua was back in Ell’s Row! Is he okay? What happened?”

Gordon’s breath hitched. God, he had completely forgotten about how this would affect Joshie. Was he okay? What had happened to him?

“He’s- Joshua’s okay, don’t worry.” Gordon felt the tension leave his body at Tommy’s words, and he saw the same happen to Darnold (and Benrey?). “He just- just won’t be loaded in right now. He isn’t- he won’t remember the reset, like- like he’s been asleep!”

“Oh thank god, that’s good to hear.” Darnold pulled Tommy into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around the much taller scientist. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

Tommy held his boyfriend back, shaking a bit as he melted into his arms. “I- I’m glad you’re okay, too. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Darnold shifted, kissing Tommy with a soft smile. Tommy grinned, kissing him back as they held each other. After a minute, however, they split, and Darnold turned to address the rest of the group. “So! It sounds like you all could use some potions!”

Over the next hour or so, Tommy and Darnold got to work while the rest of the Science Team talked strategy. None of them knew exactly how bad it was going to be, so the best they could do was hope their plans wouldn’t fall apart immediately. Gordon was proud of the fact that they were planning at all, but it didn’t do much to ease his mind. The skeletons were the largest threat they had ever faced, and the failsafe was relentless. There was no telling what it would pull to keep them in line, and, considering the fact that they were going to be doing this from the ResCas chamber, they were about to go as far off the rails as they could go. He never thought he’d actually _agree_ to going all the way back. But, well, this was a special circumstance.

Currently, the plan was simple. The Coomers would play backup for Tommy, who was going to be keeping the way to the core open and helping where he could. The skeletons getting Tommy was game over. No ifs, ands, or buts about it, if they got him, Gordon and Benrey were stranded in the core with no way out. Which was why the Coomers were getting all the extra firepower from Darnold: the same fire and strength potions Darnold had made for their original trip. They’d chug their potions as soon as the portal was open, then go ham on any skeletons that dared to show their face.

Gordon and Benrey’s plan was a bit less straightforward. Gordon had told them how the failsafe had tendrils in everyone else’s code, so, since it could be a potential weak point, he and Benrey were going to see if they could tear those tendrils out, first. If they couldn’t, they’d head straight for the center of the failsafe code to do as much damage as possible. Beyond that, there wasn’t much more of a plan.

They just had to hope this would work.

Once Tommy and Darnold had finished their respective tasks, Tommy applying the ability to see the skeletons to the Coomers and Darnold passing them their potions, the team was ready to go. With one more kiss for the road, Tommy and Darnold parted with the promise that they’d be safe. Darnold, in turn, promised to do whatever he could from his lab, and that he’d see them all soon. He knew they could do it.

And, with their final farewells, the Science Team clung to each other as Tommy teleported them to the test chamber. Fitting, really, how the place where everything had started would be where it all ended, one way or another.

This was the Science Team’s final stand. If they couldn’t win here, there wouldn’t be a chance to try again. The cold, lifeless remains of the destroyed test chamber only served to echo this sentiment. There was nothing worth saving here, in Black Mesa. But their home, Ell’s Row and everything they had made there, was.

And they were going to save it. That, or the skeletons would have to crush them so utterly that there would be no game left to continue.

One way or another, the skeletons were going to fail tonight. Gordon just hoped that it would be with him and his strange, little family still standing when the rubble cleared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last set-up chapter, next chapter is where things start to go down. But! This also means that I have a fairly good estimate of how much longer this fic is gonna be. I currently have 14 total chapters outlined, along with an epilogue! The exact numbers could change a bit, depending on how the writing flows, but it'll be somewhere around 15 chapters total once it's all said and done ^^


	11. Defend Your King, He Can Only Move One Space

Tommy steeled himself as he and the Science Team arrived in the test chamber. He had already cleared it of any radiation leftover from the Resonance Cascade before they arrived, but the air of the room where it all went wrong felt heavy on his shoulders. The ResCas was a tragedy, even if it had to happen for any of them to exist, and it felt… wrong, somehow, to be back here. As if the test chamber wanted itself wanted to rest, and their presence was awakening it from the slumber it so clearly desired. Disturbing the quiet that had settled here after Gordon and Benrey had left.

Ghosts walked here, and they weren’t just the skeletons. 

He stepped forward, taking the lead as everyone adjusted to the new location. “Is- is everyone ready?”

Gordon was the next to step forward, holding Benrey’s hand in his as he nodded to Tommy. “I think so. We won’t be able to hear you once we’re in, right?”

Tommy nodded. “Right. You- you might be able to hear some stuff? If we- if we yell real loud. But other than- than that, you two will be on your own.”

“Right, alright. Benrey?”

“M’ready as I’ll ever be, lmao.” Benrey did not look ready in the slightest, and Tommy couldn’t blame him. He was trapped in the core for months before Gordon found him, after all. Of course he wouldn’t be enthusiastic about going back.

“Dr. Coomer? Bubby? What about you guys?” Tommy turned to the two older scientists as Gordon spoke. They were also linking hands, each of them holding their respective potion in preparation.

“Let’s bust some skulls, Gordon! It’s about time those Boned Boys get what’s coming to them!” Despite Dr. Coomer’s enthusiasm, Tommy could see the worry behind his eyes. He wasn’t happy with letting Gordon and Benrey go into the core alone, but he knew they didn’t have a better plan. Tommy felt much the same way.

Bubby was quick to follow up with his support. “We’re going to cremate those motherfuckers!”

“Now that’s what I like to hear! Tommy? You ready?”

Tommy nodded. “Y-yeah! Opening the- the portal now!”

And, with that, Tommy stepped toward the lab’s central mechanism. His eyes were spirals as he took a deep breath and opened a crack in reality. Pink and yellow swirled in the core in time with the pulse of Tommy’s heart as it danced with the spirals in his eyes. His hand flickered over the section of code he had pulled up, a backup to pull Gordon and Benrey out if things went south, and he gave them a thumbs up. It was go time.

Gordon gave Tommy a leaderly nod, then, hand in hand with Benrey, the two of them stepped into the core.

And now, hopefully, all they had to do was wait.

He turned to Bubby and Dr. Coomer just in time to see the two of them downing their potions. Since they were going to be in for a long fight, Darnold had traded some of the potency for a longer-lasting effect. It was still a significant boost in power, and it should outlast any attacks from the skeletons. Or, that was the hope, at least.

No one wanted to break the silence that had settled over the three of them. The tension was thick enough you could have cut it with a knife, and the oppressive atmosphere of the test chamber did not help. Tommy fidgeted a bit when he saw it out of the corner of his eye.

A skeleton. It was just floating there, right above the observation window. But it wasn’t just one, either. As Tommy watched in horror, more and more skeletons phased through the walls, creating a semi-circle of floating bones that were just… staring at them. As much as the skeletons could stare, anyway.

It was like they were waiting for something.

“Umm… Mister Coomers?” Tommy was going to point out the uncomfortably high number of skeletons, but it seemed they had already noticed. Dr. Coomer had his fists clenched, while Bubby’s hands were engulfed in flames.

“Do they always just stand there and stare? It’s creepy as hell,” Bubby said, not taking his eyes off of the assembled skeletal force.

“I- I’m not sure.” They were sneaky, sure, but this was something else. Something… different.

“Maybe they know their about to meet their doom!” Tommy really wished he could agree with Dr. Coomer. The anticipation was killing him.

The skeletons did not respond, of course. He wasn’t even sure if they could hear, really. They didn’t have ears, and they never responded to what was said. It was eerie, how still they were as they stood up there.

A gunshot rang out. Bubby’s gun was smoking, pointed it at one of the skeletons, but they were quick. The skeleton he shot at had dodged without any issue, simply returning to its place in what had grown to be a full circle. Looks like they were just going to have to wait for the skeletons to make the first move.

And wait they did, where each second that ticked by felt like it was being dragged through molasses. Tommy could practically feel the _tick, tick, tick_ of the clock as the seconds turned into minutes, and the minutes turned into five, ten, fifteen minutes.

Then, after sixteen minutes and twenty-one seconds of agonizing nothingness, Tommy felt something _lurch_. He couldn’t tell if it was the world around them, or something more _fundamental_ , but it lurched all the same. And, before he could sort out what that even was, the skeletons broke formation.

In less than a second, the room was thrown into chaos. Several skeletons charged in toward the Science Team, their bone-white skulls somehow screaming with murderous intent. The rest buzzed and swarmed, flying up and around and past each other in a confusing and deadly dance as they slowly pushed inward, stopping the Science Team from running.

But they weren’t here just to run.

Bubby was the first to act, slamming his hands on the ground as fire spiderwebbed out from his fingertips, forming a circular wall of fire around the Science Team. Even at the center of the room, the heat was strong enough to make Tommy sweat. The skeleton swarm pulled back, but the few that had made it past the wall of fire weren’t slowed.

But neither was the Science Team. Dr. Coomer charged forward, sending his fist straight through the skull of the skeleton unfortunate enough to find itself in his path. It shattered, the rest of the body fracturing into a thousand tiny shards before dissolving into code.

It was a beautiful sight, Tommy thought. His heart steeled, knowing that the skeletons could be killed, at least for a time. They could do this. They were going to win!

As much as he wanted to join in the skeletal beat down, Tommy had to focus on keeping track of Benrey and Gordon, along with making sure the portal stayed open. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t watch with utter _glee_ as Bubby and Dr. Coomer annihilated the skeletons that had made it past Bubby’s wall. The crackle and fizz as they dissolved into code reminded him of the crack of a newly opened soda can, and victory was going to taste just as sweet. The snap of broken bones had never felt so satisfying as Tommy felt another lurch in the code.

That was, at least, until several more skeletons rushed through the flames.

A dozen, at least, all came through at the same time, charred and burnt by Bubby’s flames but still _moving_.

And there was only so much that Bubby and Coomer, even with their enhanced abilities, could handle.

It happened in slow motion. Coomer was busy with a skeleton, crushing its skull with his bare hands while Bubby torched two more. But it wasn’t enough. They weren’t fast enough.

One had crept behind Coomer, hand crackling with energy. Tommy’s gun was already out, shooting it once. Twice. Three times.

A gunshot wasn’t enough to stop a skeleton, though.

But it _was_ enough to alert his friends.

Dr. Coomer swung around, fist at the ready, but even that wasn’t fast enough. Just as the skeleton touched his shoulder, enveloping him in glitches as he cried out in pain, Bubby _slammed_ into the bony bastard, sending them both to the floor.

“ _BUBBY!_ ” Dr. Coomer cried out, rushing to his husband’s side to help, too focused to notice the fact that the skeleton had disappeared as the pair had rolled to the ground.

But Tommy didn’t miss it. “Doctor Coomer, _wait-_ ”

The fireball that hit Coomer’s chest sent him flying back, nearly into the wall of fire. “Bubby” stood, looking like a poorly stringed puppet as a skeleton phased out of his back. The puppet master would show its face this time, it seemed.

The scream that left Tommy was not one of fear. It held a thousand emotions at once, releasing all of the anger, the pain, and the hot-blooded _rage_ that had been building within Tommy for each slight, ever action the skeletons had taken to hurt his family. These rotten, little _bits of useless fucking code_ had done nothing but tear down everything he had tried so hard to build. They had hurt his family, taken _everything_ from Benrey, and still they demanded _more_. And he was _sick. of. it_.

A crowbar materialized in Tommy’s hand as he rushed the puppet and its master. He didn’t care that the portal closed behind him, nor did he hear Coomer’s shouts of protest. He was _done_ letting them get away with hurting his family.

He dodged the fireballs the skeleton forced “Bubby” to throw at him with cat-like grace, and, when he was close enough, Tommy launched himself right at his target. Swinging the crowbar downward as he jumped through the air, the impact echoed through the chamber. The skeletons skull shattered, and both it and Bubby slumped to the ground. 

Too focused on the rage and euphoria that rushed through his veins, Tommy didn’t notice the fact that the wall of fire had fallen. Nor did he notice the skeleton that was right behind him. At least not until he heard Dr. Coomer scream his name.

But when he turned around and the world lurched again, it was too late. Tommy stared into the empty eye sockets of the skeleton, the crackling energy emanating from its hand only serving to highlight the emptiness of its hollow skull.

The skeleton reached out, hand connecting with Tommy’s shoulder.

Game over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But surely Gordon and Benrey couldn't have been doing nothing while this all went down, right? We'll be seeing their side of things in the next chapter


	12. Connection Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's see what Gordon and Benrey were up to, shall we?

Gordon stepped through the portal Tommy had made into the core, hand in hand with Benrey as gravity fell away to the quiet emptiness of the core. He hadn’t had the time to really appreciate just how eerily quiet it was the last time he was here. Too focused on saving Benrey, really. It made it kind of hard to notice just how suffocating the quiet was.

Giving Benrey’s hand a gentle squeeze, Gordon started moving. “So, where do we go from here?”

They were in an entirely different place than Gordon had popped in the last time he had been sent here, and, frankly, he was hopelessly lost. Rather than coming face to face with the Science Team’s code, they were in the middle of a whole bunch of nonsense. Looking over the labels on the code around them, it seemed to be a lot of the coded lore of the game. Nothing he recognized, though.

“Uhhh, yeah, code should be this way, bro.” Benrey seemed more tense than usual, holding Gordon’s hand in a death grip. “Keep your eyes on the prize n stuff, don’t wantcha getting lost.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be fine, dude.” And he did exactly that, keeping his eyes on Benrey as the guard led the two of them through the twisting maze of the core. It all looked the same, really, nothing standing out as unique or interesting. Some blocks of code were larger than others, some were special colors, and a few he recognized the code’s way of describing his family. There was a massive block of code labeled “TurncoatB_ExperimentLog,” for example. If Gordon had to guess, that was probably lore about Bubby that his player skipped over in their playthrough. Not anything he wanted to read now, especially knowing what Black Mesa did to their test subjects. Bubby deserved his privacy, and he probably didn’t need the reminder about how messed up his past was.

They flew in the quiet for five, ten, almost fifteen minutes before Gordon recognized something familiar. There, in the distance, the familiar colors of his team’s code glowed faintly against the pink and yellow background of the core. He winced as he saw Benrey’s glitched out code, averting his gaze as the guilt sat heavy in his gut.

That was when he spotted it. It was a _massive_ section of code, with half colored in the familiar deep blue that represented Benrey, while the other half was a cold, lifeless grey. Thick cracks ran through the entire thing, and the grey half had none of the branching connectors that strung the code together. But none of that stood out as much as the file’s name.

PRTG_ANTG_CONNECTIONS.

Gordon may be oblivious at the best of times, but he wasn’t stupid. There were only so many things that code tagged with his and Benrey’s shorthand and called “connections” could be.

His thoughts immediately went to how little he could remember of his own past. He had always thought it was because he was supposed to be a blank slate as the protagonist, but was that really true?

The code was cracked and broken.

Benrey had said “again” when he talked about losing Gordon.

The dark blue shone bright against the core, while the disconnected grey looked hollow.

Looking up at Benrey, Gordon’s eyes met his. Benrey was just… staring at him. He looked scared, terrified, even, of what Gordon had just seen.

“Benrey-”

“Don’t.” Benrey’s eyes were frantic as he shook his head, squeezing Gordon’s hand. “Please, dude, just _don’t_.”

“Benrey, _please_.” This was _important_. If he was right… God, Gordon didn’t even want to think about what it meant if he was right. “Just tell me what it is. What _happened_?”

But Benrey just shook his head harder. “I… Gordon, please, just… drop it. For now. I’ll tell you everything after, bro, I _swear_. Just… not here. Not now. So please? Don’t? Please and thank you.”

Gordon sighed. He wanted, needed, to know, but… They had a mission to do. He trusted Benrey to keep his promise, so, with as much reluctance as a man with his whole history held at gunpoint could manage, Gordon nodded. “...Alright, Benrey. Later, after all this is over.”

“Thank you,” Benrey said, sagging with relief. Whatever it was, whatever it meant for them, that code could wait.

But that didn’t mean that Gordon didn’t still want to know. “Is it… what I think it is? Why you..?”

Benrey flinched. Gordon could tell he didn’t want to answer, to hold Gordon to his promise of _later_. But Gordon wasn’t the only person here weak to puppy eyes. “...Yeah.”

Gordon’s heart ached at the confirmation of what he already knew. “...It’s broken.”

“I know.”

And that was all he was willing to push for right now. They were nearing the team’s code, and it was time to enact as much violence as they possibly could against the failsafe. Even Gordon had to agree that it was going to be satisfying to finally beat the skeletons at their own game.

White tendrils wrapped themselves around the code of each member of the Science Team, buried too deeply for an easy removal. They were going to have to prioritize here, and they already had their target.

Benrey and Gordon got into place around the code labeled Coolatta99. Tommy’s code was, surprisingly, one of the least glitchy sections of all of the Science Team. Gordon readied his crowbar, before Benrey’s voice cut through his thoughts.

“Hey, hey Gordon. Look at me.”

“Benrey if you say ‘bitch…’” But Gordon looked anyway, even if he rolled his eyes as he did.

“Watch this.” Benrey’s grin was feral as he met Gordon’s eyes. He pulled his helmet off, tossing it to Gordon as he said “hold this for me?” Gordon caught it, storing the helmet in his inventory as he nodded, mildly confused.

And at that, Benrey began to grow. Eyes he didn’t even know Benrey had started opening in the eternal shadow cast over his face, while his second eye, always hidden by that same shadow, smiled at him with sharp, pointed fangs. A second set of arms sprouted just below his normal arms, swelling as Benrey himself became larger. In a matter of seconds, the five-foot-nothing security guard had grown to a thirteen-to-fourteen foot tall monster, tearing much of his clothing to shreds. Luckily, his shirt and pants (more like shorts, now) had made it through relatively unscathed, which was a feat unto itself.

Gordon’s eyes were wide, absolutely enthralled by the spectacle before him. He floated up to Benrey, taking his face in his hands. “Wow, you are… fascinating.”

Benrey leaned into his hands, and, figuring this was going to be their last moments of calm before everything went to shit, Gordon leaned in, kissing Benrey softly. One final moment of peace before the final battle, spent in each other's arms.

When they pulled away, both of them were smiling. “Ready to get this show on the road?” Gordon asked his boyfriend.

“Fuck yeah, man! Let’s show these bone boys who’s boss!!”

And, with that out of the way, Gordon and Benrey floated up to the top of Tommy’s code, where the failsafe had rooted itself. Raising his crowbar, Gordon swung his trusty weapon with all the force he could muster.

The resounding _CRACK_ it caused reverberated through the entire core, the foundation of their world shaking with the force of Gordon’s crowbar. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the only thing that reacted.

The failsafe code shuddered, and four new tendrils split from the large one, slamming down and burrowing into Tommy’s code. Gordon was uncomfortably certain he saw movement out of the corner of his eye as it happened, too. Even one skeleton was more than he wanted to deal with right now.

And he doubted it was just going to be one.

“Skeletons incoming! Keep your eyes peeled and let’s get those smaller ones out first!” Gordon called out, not bothering to wait for Benrey’s response before he flew over to the nearest of the newly spawned tendrils to get prying. He jammed his crowbar in, doing his best to get leverage against the not-quite-physical code that allowed Tommy to exist. Any amount of collateral damage here was more than he was willing to risk, but there was only so careful he could be about ripping something out with a crowbar.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Benrey doing much the same thing, albeit with his bare hands rather than any sort of tool. He was making better progress than Gordon, too, because with a grunt of effort and a massive heave, Benrey yanked out the first of the four tendrils. He flashed Gordon a smug grin as he jumped over to the next one, wasting no time.

Not one to be outdone, Gordon set his feet and adjusted his crowbar, prying his tendril out with one, two, three yanks of the crowbar. As the failsafe retreated, Gordon was winded. This was a lot more work than he had expected. How did Benrey make it look so easy? Even as Gordon looked over his boyfriend, Benrey was already pulling out his second tendril.

Seeing that he was being watched, Benrey grinned. “What’s up, Feetman? Distracted by my sweet extra monster arms? Got yourself all like hot damn Benny boy’s got a cool monster form, huh?”

But Gordon wasn’t listening. He was on his feet in an instand, launching himself over Benrey and crashing his crowbar down into the skull of the skeleton that had snuck up behind Benrey. The bone crunched and shattered under the force of his crowbar, forcing the skeleton to flee.

He didn’t have to tell Benrey the plan that silently formed between the two of them. Benrey just nodded, yanking out the third tendril before moving to the fourth, and final of the smaller ones, trusting Gordon to watch his back.

Gordon had promised that he would never let Benrey be taken by the skeletons again. It was time to make good on that promise.

Brandishing his crowbar, Gordon circled Benrey, on high alert for any more skeletons that got too close. One or two came in close, and Gordon quickly hit them hard enough to reduce them to nothing more than binary. But it wasn’t those that he was worried about. The skeletons were hanging back, dodging and hiding behind other blocks of code, like they were waiting for something. He didn’t like that, not one bit.

As Benrey yanked the fourth smaller tendril out of Tommy’s code, several things happened at once.

First, three gunshots rang out, echoing through the core from the direction of the portal.

Then they heard Dr. Coomer scream out his husband’s name, nothing but agony and pain coloring it. And, in that same instant, Gordon and Benrey watched Bubby’s code go dark.

Oh.

Oh no.

They had to _move. Now_.

Benrey practically launched himself with amount of force he used to get to the final, massive tendril of the failsafe’s code buried in Tommy. It was then that they hurt Tommy _scream_ , and, for a split second, Benrey and Gordon both froze. Were they hurting him?

But Gordon caught Bubby’s darkened code out of the corner of his eye, and he realizes that it wasn’t a scream of pain. It was a scream of rage. Whatever had happened to Bubby, Tommy had had _enough_.

And then the scream cut out.

Suddenly, the core was entirely still. Not even the faint billowing of air from the test chamber remained. Without warning, their connection to the outside world had been cut, and they had no idea why.

If getting rid of the failsafe’s attachment to Tommy had been urgent before…

Benrey didn’t hesitate, but this one was buried deeper in the code than any of the rest of them were. It glitched with each heave, trying to worm its way deeper. But with each step it managed to take back in, Benrey was pulling it two or three steps out.

Gordon could feel his heart beating in his throat, unable to tear his eyes away from Benrey and the code. Then he saw it.

A pulse of energy traveling along the failsafe code, coming directly for Tommy. He didn’t know what it was, but Gordon didn’t want to find out.

Time slowed as the unknown energy came closer and closer, all while Benrey pulled harder and harder. The failsafe was fast. They weren’t going to make it. There were _inches_ left on the massive tendril, but they _weren’t going to make it_.

The failsafe was too fast.

But Benrey was faster.

With a final heave of effort, muscles bulging in all four of his arms, Benrey _yanked_ the failsafe code from Tommy’s, just as the unknown energy reached the tip and faded away. Gordon felt his breath catch. Whatever the failsafe had just tried to do, it had failed.

And then Tommy’s code started to glow. Brighter and brighter, shining against even the eye-searing colors of the core, Tommy’s code was blinding. Gordon had no idea what this meant, or even what they had just done.

But damn if it wasn’t beautiful.


	13. Error 404: File Not Found

Everything freezes the moment that the skeleton’s hand connects with Tommy’s shoulder. He can feel his heart beating in his throat as the blood rushes to his head. He wants to do something, _anything_ , to stop what’s about to happen, but he can’t force himself to move. The crackle of energy tingles against his shoulder, even through his lab coat, and his stomach bottoms out.

Tommy clenches his fists, trying to control his trembling when it clicks.

He’s controlling the trembling. He’s controlling _himself_.

His fist connects with the skeleton’s skull before he even finishes processing what that means. Because the skeletons failing to possess him means _something_ , but whatever that something is, it’s not more important, in that instant, than reducing the skeleton in front of him to dust. And, as he materialized another crowbar, he was going to do exactly that.

When Tommy was done with that skeleton, it was nothing more than scattered 1s and 0s, broken down to its binary.

As he came back to himself, Tommy immediately rushed over to Dr. Coomer’s side. He had Bubby cradled in his arms, who was just starting to come to. Tommy got to work immediately, checking Bubby over for any injuries or glitches that might have happened due to the possession. Seeing none, he sighed in relief. They were okay, even if it was just for a moment. The skeletons had retreated for now, probably regrouping after their failed attempt at possessing Tommy.

Bubby groaned, and immediately Tommy’s attention was all on him. “What the fuck-” His voice hitched as he made eye contact with Dr. Coomer, who was tearing up. “...Oh, right. Harold, are you-”

But the rest of his question was crushed in one of Dr. Coomer’s bear hugs. Tommy wasted no time in turning the bear hug into a group hug, tears burning in his eyes. The skeletons couldn’t keep getting away with hurting his family. He hated it, hated having to watch them get hurt, hated how it _just kept happening_.

He pretended not to notice the tears in Bubby’s eyes. The older scientist would deny it later, he knew, but Tommy didn’t miss how Bubby adjusted his arms, including Tommy in the hug as Coomer did the same. For a few precious moments, that was all they did. The home team hugged each other and cried, releasing emotions that had been building since this all started. It was cathartic, really. Tommy hadn’t realized just how much he had been holding on his shoulders until it all came out, flowing down his face in seemingly endless tears. He was so, so tired.

But they weren’t done yet. The skeletons weren’t gone, and there was still more work to do.

He could rest when it was all over.

That didn’t mean that he didn’t appreciate the moment, though, as he was held tightly in the arms of two of his father figures. Some part of him wished the rest of his family were here to hold him, too, but they had a job to do. And so did he.

Was it selfish for him to hold on?

Tommy found that he didn’t really care.

The hug lasted simultaneously too long and not nearly long enough. Funnily enough, Dr. Coomer was the first to release, letting Bubby get in his first full breath of air since he had woken up. Tommy smiled, still so relieved, and wiped the tears and snot from his face. Bubby sniffled, making a face that said more than words ever could about how much they all mattered to him. Dr. Coomer’s own smile was weepy, but he had always worn his heart on his sleeve, hadn’t he?

“Well, gentlemen, it appears as though Gordon and Benrey are beating the skeletons at their own game! I don’t know what they’re doing in there, but it seems to be working.”

Tommy nodded. Pulling up Gordon’s code, he said “I- I think the plan’s working, Mister Coomers. And- and, if I’m right, we should be able to- to go in and help them!”

“Weren’t we supposed to make sure they had a way out? What’s the point of going in if we all get trapped?” Bubby frowned, crossing his arms.

“I can- still make portals from inside the core, Mister Coomer. And if- if as many skeletons are here as we saw before, it’s not any- I don’t think it’s safer to stay out here. Especially if- if I can’t be possessed?”

Dr. Coomer’s eyes lit up. “Well, if it means taking the fight to those bone boys ourselves, I, for one, am all for a little expedition into the core!” Considering the way Bubby’s eyes sparkled at the thought of getting to set the skeletons ablaze from the literal inside out, Tommy didn’t have to ask if he was on board with the new plan.

It didn’t take long for Tommy to open another portal, this time latching onto Gordon’s position so they’d arrive nearby. “Al-alright! Let’s end this!!!!”

With a resounding cheer, the three of them jumped into the core, ready to destroy the failsafe once and for all.

\----------------

Once they had done… whatever it was that they had done, Gordon and Benrey had moved on to Bubby’s code. Benrey was relieved to see that it had lit back up while they were working on Tommy’s, dude must’ve gotten de-possessed pretty fast, but who knew how long _that_ would last. So, in an epic Gordon/Benrey team up moment, Benrey was prying out the failsafe as fast as he could while Gordon watched his back.

That was the reason he didn’t notice whatever had appeared behind him until Gordon shouted “Oh shit-”

“HELLO, GORDON!” Benrey whipped around, face to face with the rest of the Science Team. A portal to the map was open behind them, much closer to the code this time, but there they all were. Even Tommy had come through, which Benrey couldn’t say he was fond of. The core was dangerous, even for Tommy.

“Hello, Dr. Coomer? What… what are you guys doing in here?” Yeah that was Benrey’s question, too.

Tommy was the one to answer, though. “You- you guys did it! I can’t- can’t be possessed anymore, so we came- came to help!” He made eye contact with Benrey, who wave vaguely blocked by Gordon and also distance. “Oh! Benrey! You- you’re big!”

Benrey gave him a lazy grin. “Hell yeah, bro. Went full Xen. Now you’ve got big ol’ monster Benrey, perf for ripping shit up.”

“Yeah, Benrey’s been… He’s been doing most of the work, to be perfectly honest.” Gordon sheepishly rubbed at the back of his neck. “I’ve been on skeleton duty, but we haven’t seen as many as I would have thought.”

“Ah, that would be because they attempted to destroy us using overwhelming force, Gordon!” Dr. Coomer interjected. “And they… well, they nearly succeeded. If you and Benrey had taken much longer, I would rather not think about where we would be.”

Tommy and Bubby both nodded. Benrey had guessed just how close they had cut it, but it still made him feel sick how close Tommy had been to falling under the influence of the skeletons. No one deserved that, but especially not Tommy.

“So what’s the plan now, huh? Gonna take time to get all of the code, and the skeletons are definitely planning something big,” Benrey asked. He knew better than anyone that the skeletons never did anything, including backing off, without a reason. This might be a breath of fresh air for the Science Team, but every second they wasted was another second the skeletons had to set up something worse than before.

Everyone looked to Tommy. He was the one with the most experience here, after all. Tommy, to his credit, seemed to already have a plan thought out. “I think if- if Mister Coomers and I take over what you and Mister Freeman have been- have been doing, you two could attack the failsafe directly!”

“Take the fight to the skeletons, huh?” Oh yeah, Benrey could tell Gordon liked that idea. He bounced his crowbar in his hand as he chewed on that thought. “That would force them to keep their focus split between us, too. Are you guys good with us leaving you here to keep yanking code?”

It was Bubby who responded first, eyeing his own code, his eyes dark. “Oh, I think I speak for all of us when I say I would _gladly_ burn the shit out of anything in the same taxon as those bony bastards.” Let’s go grandpa! Benrey could see just how much he wanted to obliterate the thing that forced him to be Turncoat_B over Bubby Coomer, and, really, he felt much the same way. Fuck the code, and fuck the script! And _fuck_ the skeletons!!!

As everyone else nodded along, Benrey picked up Gordon, holding him carefully in all four arms. “Sounds like we got a plan. Fuck em up, gramps. Epic arson moments, hell yeah!”

They didn’t waste much time, after that. There wasn’t the time for goodbyes, and besides, they had their big moment for splitting the party already. No need to waste the seconds saying goodbye. So, with Gordon still in his arms, Benrey flew deeper into the code. He knew where the failsafe code was, almost instinctually so. He had seen it plenty in the months he spent alone in the core, after all.

The core shook as they flew, and Benrey knew the rest of the team was doing good. But Gordon didn’t seem to notice, too focused on keeping his eyes peeled for skeletons. And with the way his eyes were tracking movement, Benrey could guess he had spotted some.

“...Bro?”

“Huh?” Gordon blinked, but he didn’t take his eyes off of whatever he was tracking.

“M’just thinking. What’re we gonna do when this is over? Because like, I dunno, it’s really gonna be over? Never thought I’d be there to see it, tbh.”

That seemed to be enough to distract Gordon, who turned to look at him. “What do you mean?”

Benrey shrugged. He meant what he said. “I’m the antagonist, bro. Supposed to be in core storage right now, in case the player wanted to restart the game or something. Not… I’m not supposed to get a happy ending, you know?” It felt like lead on his tongue to say it out loud, after everything. But it was true, wasn’t it? He was never supposed to have a future.

But… now he did. And, despite everything, that future had Gordon in it. It had him and Joshua and the rest of the Science Team. It was a little overwhelming, thinking about it.

“Benrey, I…” Gordon started, then stopped. Then opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, then stopped again. It took a few seconds before he found his words, but Benrey would have given him the world if he asked. He could wait a few seconds. “I want to say something cool and leaderly about how the fact that you’re thinking of the future at all after what you’ve gone through is fantastic, but… honestly, the only future I can think about right now is the future nap I’m gonna take when all this is over.” Benrey snorted at that. Yeah, alright, that was fair, but Gordon kept going. “But I… I would really like it if you were there with me for that nap, Benrey.”

Benrey could feel his face heating up. How could Gordon say something so stupid and yet so touching and _cheesy_ at the same time! “A nap, huh? Gonna cuddle your monster Benny, huh? Sounds kinda gay, bro, ngl.”

Gordon sputtered out a “ _yeah?_ ” before he collected himself enough to form a real response. “I mean, yes? Of course I want to cuddle, man. You’re my boyfriend, why wouldn’t I?”

Benrey short circuited. Hearing Gordon call him his boyfriend, after all those years of unspoken gestures of love and endless pining, was enough to make him blush redder than Bubby’s sunburn on a hot summer’s day. “ _ **A.**_ ” was all he managed to get out before the sweet voice spilled forth, declaring his feelings for everyone (Gordon) to see.

Gordon laughed softly at the pink-to-blue sweet voice, blushing pretty badly himself. “I love you, too, Benrey.”

That just made Benrey blush even harder, shifting Gordon in his arms to at least try to free one to cover his face. But sweet voice made it hard to see properly, and what he saw when he tried desperately to avoid eye contact with Gordon made any more that he would have sung out catch in his throat.

They were here.

What timing, huh? One final act of revenge from the skeletons for what they were about to do.

It’s a good thing they were going to make it hurt. 

Releasing Gordon from his bridal-style carry, Benrey got into position. Then he saw them.

Too many skeletons to count, just floating there, watching them. They had surrounded the failsafe code, and Benrey could feel their lifeless eye sockets staring right through him. It felt like he was under a microscope. Even if they didn’t really see, the way they looked at him and Gordon was so invasive that it made his skin crawl. What were they waiting for, he wondered.

Benrey figured he wouldn’t have to wonder for long.

He and Gordon got into position around the failsafe code, fists and crowbar at the ready. “After you, bro,” Benrey said, gesturing toward the code.

For a moment, it looked like Gordon was going to question Benrey letting him get the first hit in. But as Benrey made another exaggerated gesture and gave him a funny little grin, Gordon smiled and nodded. With a massive windup, Gordon swung his crowbar down, sending a massive crack down the side of the failsafe’s code.

And then all hell broke loose as hundreds of skeletons descended on them, separating the two of them and making it impossible to see beyond the sea of bones.

Benrey flew backward, pushed backward by the sheer number of skeletons that had forced their way between him and Gordon. He tried to reach out, get to Gordon to make sure he was _safe_ , but he couldn’t make any progress against the wall of calcium that stood between them. Despite his best efforts, he was pushed further and further away from where Gordon was, until, all at once, the skeletons vanished.

Looking around frantically for where Gordon was, Benrey almost wished he hadn’t spotted him as they made eye contact.

No, no, _no, no no nononononoNONONONO!!! They couldn’t, they-_

Benrey felt his heart lurch, and all he wanted to do was puke. Because there, head lolled slightly to the side and back ramrod straight, was Gordon. Even if the skeleton floating behind him, hands on his shoulder didn’t tell Benrey everything he needed to know, Gordon’s blank expression and the missing texture where his eyes should be would have.

His blood felt like ice. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t fight Gordon, couldn’t save him. God, he had already _let Gordon die once he couldn’t watch it happen again_.

But Gordon had no such qualms, not anymore, as he rushed Benrey, crowbar in the air. Even in his massive monster form, Benrey was able to dodge Gordon’s attacks, but he wouldn’t be able to keep it up for long. He needed a plan, but what plan could he possibly fucking have!?

He couldn’t kill Gordon. Both because he _couldn’t kill Gordon_ , but also because it wouldn’t even work. That was exactly what the skeletons wanted: for him to kill Gordon and force another game reset.

It was too bad “Gordon” wasn’t going to give him a chance to think things through. As he swung the crowbar again, Benrey got a good look at just how fucked up Gordon was. It was almost funny, really, how even if his eye sockets still technically had depth to them, the missing texture made them look so flat. So lifeless.

Gordon really was gone.

He had left him again. Even after he promised.

It was poetic, in the worst possible way. Despite everything, despite what they had been through and what Gordon had done for him, Benrey was back where he started. Alone in the core.

Then, something clicked. This was like where he started, sure, but he wasn’t the same _person_ he was when he first got trapped in the core. He didn’t need Gordon to save him, not this time.

This time, he could save Gordon.

A fire ignited in Benrey’s heart, adrenaline crashing over him in a wave as he dodges blow after blow from Gordon’s crowbar. He had a plan now, he just needed an opening…

And _there_! As Gordon recovered from his strongest swing yet, one that Benrey had baited him into, Benrey saw his opening. He rushed Gordon, and, before the skeleton could react, Benrey grappled Gordon and pulled him into a hug.

Tears streamed down his face as Benrey just started babbling. “Please, bro, you gotta fight it. If anyone can beat them, I know it’s you. You’re so brave and strong and I’ve loved you for so long, dude, you can’t just let those bone boys get to you, you _can’t_. You’re my hero, Gordon. You always have been.”

Even as his words dissolved more into sweet voice, pink to blue, of course, than actual words, Benrey began to shrink. He still held tight to Gordon, not willing to let him go, but after a few seconds he only hard two arms to hold him with, and instead of towering over Gordon, he was so much smaller. Some part of Benrey knew that if he wasn’t big anymore, he couldn’t stop Gordon from hitting him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as he buried his head in Gordon’s chest.

He felt Gordon’s crowbar bang against his side, but Benrey only held on tighter. A frantic “ _please_ ” escaped his lips as Gordon hit him again and again. Choked sobs filled the air, and it took Benrey a second to realize that he wasn’t the one making them.

Looking up at Gordon, he saw the puppet’s face contorted in anguish, tears streaming down his face as he was forced to raise his crowbar yet again. His movements were slow and jerky, and even as he swung the crowbar again, Benrey realized he was barely swinging it hard enough to bruise. The tears just kept flowing, and Benrey knew that Gordon was still in there. He was still fighting, despite it being impossible.

Releasing his hold around Gordon, Benrey reached up, cupping Gordon’s face in his hands. He brushed away Gordon’s tears with his thumb, looking into the missing texture where Gordon’s eyes should be with a gaze filled with nothing but love. “It’s okay, bro,” Benrey whispered, barely able to hear his own voice over Gordon’s sobs. “It’s okay now. I’ve got you. And I will _never_ let you go.”

Benrey was all too aware of how vulnerable he had made himself by releasing his hold on Gordon’s arms. But even as the skeleton forced Gordon to raise his crowbar, Benrey couldn’t bring himself to care. Gordon was still in there, and he trusted Gordon more than anything.

Looking up, Benrey saw Gordon’s crowbar, nearly raised fully above his head. He was glitching, bits of his model surrounded in corruption as Gordon held his arm up there. For a second, Benrey thought he saw Gordon’s eyes, his real eyes, where the missing texture was. And, in that moment, Gordon’s arm reached its apex and-

Gordon’s other arm flew up behind his head, his prosthetic dropping the crowbar as he reached up and _yanked_ the skeleton behind him out. With all the force he could muster, Gordon pulled the skeleton from his back and from his _code_ as he threw it forward, where a fireball connected with it, shattering it into a sprinkle of binary.

Benrey turned, still holding Gordon, to see the rest of the Science Team approaching. They looked worn out but intact, and probably a little fearful, considering what they had just seen.

“Mister Freeman! Are you okay?!” Tommy was the first one to speak, rushing up to Gordon and Benrey to check them over. He paused at how bruised Benrey was, but Benrey just shook his head. Now wasn’t the time.

“I… I am now, yeah. Look, we can worry about me after, right now we need to finish this.”

Tommy nodded. The urgency was real, and they were running out of time. “R-right. I think, if- if we all attack the failsafe’s code together, it should- it should be enough to destroy it for good!!!”

“Then that’s what we’ll do.” Gordon pulled back from Benrey, who let him go. “Everyone, get ready to throw everything you’ve got at it. This is for everything they’ve done, to us and to our home. It’s time for a little payback.”

Cheers rang out from every member of the Science Team as they got into position. Coomer’s fists were clenched and at the ready, while Bubby’s hands (and most of the rest of him) were engulfed in flames. Tommy and Gordon both had their crowbars wound up and ready to swing. Finally, Benrey had shifted back into his Xen form, ready to rip the code to shreds.

Gordon’s voice rang out. “On the count of three, everyone!”

“One!” Benrey cracked his knuckles, his claws sharp and ready to tear.

“Two!” Bubby and Coomer grinned wildly at each other, both craving violence.

“ _THREE!_ ” And with that call, the Science Team unleashed everything they had on the failsafe.

Then, everything went white.

\----------------

…

……

…………………………

LOADING…

LOADING……

Loading BLACK_MESA… 

BLACK_MESA Successfully loaded.

Loading PRTG_FreemanG… 

PRTG_FreemanG Successfully loaded.

Loading FAILSAFE… 

Error: FAILSAFE file not found!

PLEASE STAND BY

\----------------

As the final assets of the game loaded in, Gordon Freeman stepped off the Black Mesa tram, already late for his big experiment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate chapter title: It's The Final Breakdown *shitty kazoo*


	14. Game, Setup, Re-Start

Gordon made it approximately five steps off of the Black Mesa tram before the cutscene ended and he regained control over himself, at which point he promptly froze. Oh god, was he…

He was back at the beginning. Had the game reset? Was his family okay? Gordon felt sick, but he couldn’t even move enough to heave. Did they… really lose? After everything?

Curling in on himself, Gordon began to cry. He couldn’t fucking _do this again, man_. He _couldn’t_. He couldn’t deal with losing his family, watching them act like they didn’t even know who he was. There was no way he could get through _Benrey_ , the man he _loved_ , looking at him like he was a complete stranger without breaking completely.

But with the thought of Benrey came the thought of Benrey _alone again_ , and Gordon couldn’t do that to him. Not again. So, despite everything, he stood up.

One step at a time, Gordon. One step at a time.

One step became two, and two became four, and before he could blink, Gordon was sprinting through the halls of Black Mesa. If his family didn’t remember him, he was going to find out now, but that didn’t make him any less frantic. He skidded as he rounded the first corner he came to, refusing to slow down even for a moment if it meant he’d be responsible for one more moment of his family being alone. Too concerned with keeping his breathing even and not slamming into any more walls, he didn’t even think to pay attention to not slamming into any _people_.

Which is exactly what he did, barreling into a tall man in a lab coat at mach 2 just as he passed the break room. The two of them tumbled to the floor in a pile of limbs, falling over one another with all the graze of a high school kid wearing beer goggles. Gordon had hit the NPC with enough force to give him a concussion, but even then he was too focused on getting to his family to really care.

“Owww…” Or at least, he wasn’t. Until something at the back of his brain told him that voice sounded familiar. “S-sorry, I should have been- been looking where I was going.”

Blinking a few times, Gordon forced his eyes to focus, to actually _see_ the man he crashed into. He was tall, wearing a white lab coat, a black tie, and an orange-yellow shirt. His brain was screaming at him that this was familiar, but even as he looked past the man’s face, it didn’t click until he saw the red and yellow propeller hat.

“Wait… Mister Freeman?!” Tommy shouted in the same moment that Gordon yelled “ _Tommy!?_ ”

Any attempts at trying to get up were immediately thrown out the window as Gordon clung to Tommy like his life depended on it. But Tommy was holding him back, clearly understanding the wordless desperation that was all Gordon knew in those moments. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks as Gordon hiccuped, trying his best to not lose himself to sobbing.

Vaguely he registered Tommy’s hand on his back as the taller man brought the two of them to their feet. Gordon was too busy holding Tommy, convincing himself that he was _real_ , to think about more than muttering over and over again that he was so sorry, that he failed them and the game reset and-

“Mister Freeman! It-it’s okay!!!” Tommy’s words stopped his train of thought in its tracks. “The game didn’t- it didn’t reset! Or, it did, sort of, but- but _we_ didn’t!!! At all!!!!”

“Huh?” And, for the first time since he had reappeared at the entrance of Black Mesa, Gordon actually _looked_ at his surroundings. Instead of the crisp, clean walls so distinctively Black Mesa, there was rubble and bloodstains littering the hallways. The lights were flickering, and Gordon realized hadn’t seen a single scientist NPC since he first stepped foot inside the facility.

The map hadn’t reset. This was Black Mesa post-Resonance Cascade. It wasn’t a huge change, and, in his shock, it would make sense for him to miss it. But there it was, plain as day now that he had come back to himself.

Tommy was patient, steadying Gordon as he shifted his weight, adjusting to stand on his own. “Where… where is everyone?”

“I’m not- not sure, Mister Freeman. But I loaded in back- back at my original spawn point! So it’s- it’s likely that everyone else is at- at theirs, too!”

“Then- _Doctor Coomer_!” Gordon cut himself off as his head swung harder than his crowbar into a failsafe skeleton. He started moving instantly, dragging Tommy with him down the hall toward the locker room. His fist slammed down on the mechanism to open the door as anxiety twisted in his gut.

The door slid open, and there was the good doctor, crouched in front of his locker. Jerky, scripted motions guided Coomer off of the ground as he stood and waved to Gordon. “Ah! Hello, Gordon! Another day another dollar, am I right?”

Gordon nearly started crying again right there. He froze, his blood as thick as ice as he stared at Dr. Coomer, every terrible scenario that could have caused him to reset playing through his head at once.

It must have shown on his face, because he felt Tommy squeeze his shoulder. At the same time, Dr. Coomer’s posture relaxed, and his expression shifted to one of concern. “...Oh dear. I… suppose that joke may have been in poor taste. Gordon, are you alright?”

...Joke? It was… a joke? “Heh… eheh…” Right, a joke. Funny! Gordon could see the concern in Coomer’s eyes, and, yeah, that was his Coomer. It hit him in waves, a hysterical laugh as he rode out the relief, a few stray tears streaming down his face. He clung to Tommy for support, who, like the true friend he was, just held Gordon close for the second time in as many minutes.

After longer than he’d be willing to admit and plenty of reassurances and apologies from Coomer, most of which Gordon just waved off, he managed to pull himself back together. Or... together enough to function, at least. He hadn’t been kidding when he had told Benrey that all he wanted to do after everything was take a nap. Gordon felt dead on his feet.

But he could rest when he knew his team was safe.

Barely able to focus properly, Gordon walked over to his locker. He was never coming back to Black Mesa again, not after this, and he wanted to take something with him.

He wasn’t sure how to feel when he saw that the picture of Joshua he kept in his locker was gone. For a second, he thought something might have happened to it. But then he realized. He had given it to Benrey, what felt like an eternity ago. If the map hadn’t reset, then Benrey must still have it.

“Tommy?” Gordon waited for Tommy’s little “hm?” of acknowledgment before continuing, “if everyone is loading in, should we just wait here for them? They’d be able to find us, right?”

Tommy shook his head. “I- I checked the code, and they’re only- only spawning in when the area loads? So they can’t- can’t find us if that section of the map isn’t- isn’t loaded yet.”

That was all Gordon needed to hear. “Alright, team. Let’s find everyone else and get the hell out of here. I want to go _home_.”

\----------------

Benrey wasn’t really sure how long it had been since he’d spawned in, but one look around had told him everything he needed to know.

He was back in Black Mesa. The game had sent him back, and he was alone again. Their plan hadn’t worked, and the skeletons had reset everything _again_. Sure, maybe the fucked with the files enough that it mistakenly loaded in the post-ResCas map, but that didn’t mean anything, not really. He should have known better than to try to resist the script.

How could any of them be more than their code when everything they had become was still made of binary?

Pulling his legs in tighter, Benrey didn’t bother trying to hide his sobs. If the failsafe wanted him to be a real antagonist, it could come out here and make him. He couldn’t fucking do this anymore, man. He was done. Benrey didn’t have any more energy to resist the script, but he also didn’t have the energy to play along, either.

Something in Benrey had snapped, and he no longer had any reason to try to fix it.

A stupid, selfish part of him wished he could just forget everything. Ignorance was bliss or some shit like that, so it would hurt less if he couldn’t remember what he had lost, right? But… he couldn’t do that to his friends. They had already forgotten themselves, after all, and Benrey didn’t want to lose them forever, even if the only place he would ever see them again was in his memories.

The sound of footsteps interrupted Benrey’s spiral as they echoed down the hallway. It was show time, then. Gordon was coming, and he wouldn’t know who he was _again_ , and he’d have to pretend like they were strangers _again_.

But… something wasn’t right. The footsteps were coming too fast, too frantic, to be Gordon’s casual meander through Black Mesa. He was running, and he wasn’t the only one. Benrey could pick up at least one other person’s gait, probably two, running along with Gordon. Who..?

His question was answered before he even finished asking it, though, as Tommy’s voice rang out. “Mister Freeman, slow- slow down! You’re gonna-”

Whatever he was gonna say, he was cut off as a massive _THUD_ as someone crashed into the wall that led back out of Black Mesa from his station. Instinct kicked in, and Benrey’s head shot up just in time to make eye contact with the crumpled heap of a person who had crashed into the wall. He was still wearing his lab coat and business casual work clothing, but even out of the HEV suit, Benrey would recognize that face anywhere.

Gordon stared back up at him, blinking back tears. The seconds where all they could do was stare at each other stretched on, and he vaguely registered Tommy and Dr. Coomer come around the corner in the endless moment, but he didn’t care about any of that.

The spark in Gordon’s eyes wasn’t something a stranger would have. Benrey was pretty sure he could start tracing constellations with all of the stars in his eyes.

That wasn’t just Gordon. That was _his boyfriend_.

Benrey was still stunned, so overcome with relief and hope and _love_ that he couldn’t move. But Gordon could.

And Gordon _did_ , scrambling to his feet just long enough to propel himself at Benrey, wrapping himself around the still-balled security guard. Benrey wasted no time freeing his arms and clinging to Gordon right back. It was real. Gordon remembered him.

It was impossible. It couldn’t have happened.

But it did.

They had won.

And that realization was all it took for the flood gates to open. Benrey was crying like a baby, but as his hug with Gordon turned into a group hug as Tommy and Coomer joined in, he couldn’t bring himself to care. He was here, real, in a happy ending he and his _family_ had fought for. They had won it fair and square, and nothing could ever take that away from them. Not anymore.

They… really were his family, weren’t they? It had been so long since he had a family. Gordon was his family, and then he had Joshua, but that had been it for years. And... then Gordon had forgotten him, leaving him alone. Tommy was his best friend, of course, but it never felt quite the same.

But this… this was his family. The Science Team was a strange family, and it was a little cracked around the edges, but it was still good.

Yeah. Still good.

Still wrapped in the embrace of his family, Benrey’s ears twitched as he heard the elevator started moving. Down, up again, then the doors opened. Impatient steps rounded the corner, and Benrey didn’t have to wonder for long who could have activated the elevator.

“What the _hell_ is going on here? Why the fuck are we back in Black Mesa, and where the _fuck_ is my husband?!” Ahhh, Bubby. Never change, peepaw.

Coomer, of course, immediately rushed to embrace his husband, sweeping Bubby of his feet and kissing him deeply, the rest of the team forgotten. Tommy untangled himself from Gordon and Benrey, who helped each other up in turn. Even if they weren’t hugging anymore, though, their hands remained firmly intertwined. As happy as he was, Benrey didn’t quite trust it all not to disappear in a puff of smoke, and he knew Gordon felt much the same way. The contact helped. Made them feel more grounded, more real.

Everyone started talking over each other, explaining what happened and how the reset worked before Tommy’s head shot up with a shout of “Darnold!” In the next instant he was gone, teleported away to what Benrey could only assume was the mixology department to pick up his boyfriend.

The chatter slowed for the few minutes Tommy was gone, but when he popped back in, mid-kiss with Darnold in his arms, it ramped back up. A new person to explain everything to, along with even more celebration of everyone being back together, all channeled into the pure chaos that defined their strange, little, found family.

Eventually, Gordon’s voice cut through the chatter, his position as the team’s leader made obvious in that moment. “Alright, everyone, I’m sure we’re all glad to be back together, god knows I am, but I think I can speak for everyone when I say that I want to spend as little time in Black Mesa as possible. Tommy, is Ell’s Row..?”

Tommy’s eyes sparkled as he nodded enthusiastically. “It’s still there, Mister Freeman! I just need to- need to load it in! And then we can- can all go home!!!”

As his eyes filled with yellow and ping spirals, everyone settled in. The conversation turned to more casual topics, from plans of what people were going to do next, to talk of getting together for dinner, to future experiments they wanted to do. Everyone sat in a circle, leaning against and supporting one another. But the energy remained upbeat and positive, the high of their victory still fresh, even as exhaustion crept into their bones. Benrey rested his head on Gordon’s shoulder, with Gordon running his fingers through Benrey’s hair, before Gordon let out a soft “oh!”

Benrey turned to look at his boyfriend, pupils the size of dinner plates. “Yeah, bro?”

“Your helmet, man. I still have it in here, somewhere. Give me a second…” Gordon said, rummaging through his inventory. Benrey’s helmet appeared in his hands, and he offered it to the security guard.

Instead of taking it, Benrey realized he had something of Gordon’s, too. Reaching into his vest pocket, Benrey pulled out the picture of Joshua that Gordon had given him back in the locker room. God, that felt like a lifetime ago. “Tradesies, bro. If you’re giving me my helmet back I gotta give you something, too. Fair’s fair.”

Gordon snorted. “I meant it when I gave it to you, man. Keep it.”

“S’not like I need to, anymore. I mean, if I’m gonna be spawn camping your house now that the game’s over, we don’t need shared custody over the pretty shit Joshie pic. Got the real deal cowboy right there.”

Benrey didn’t even realize what he had said until Gordon smiled, raising an eyebrow. “Living together, huh?”

He felt himself blush, but oh no, Gordon wasn’t going to get him on this one. “Yeah, bro, course. Gotta get my cuddle quota in, you know? Feetman’s the only supplier in town and the demand is high as hell, no backing out now.”

Gordon snorted, which quickly evolved into full-on laughter as he pushed the helmet into Benrey’s hands. Before Gordon could get it together enough to speak, Tommy shouted “it- it’s done!”

Immediately, all eyes were on Tommy, who was smiling from ear to ear. A single, happy tear fell down his cheeks as he closed his window to the game’s code. “Ell’s Row is- is fully loaded!!! I can bring us- us all there!!!! We can go _home_!!!!!!”

There was no need to ask if everyone was ready. The thought of going home, the finality of what it meant, was more than enough. Everyone was on their feet in a second, still holding onto each other, but all watching Tommy. Remembering the contact necessary for Tommy to teleport large groups, Gordon put out his hand. Benrey, realizing what he was doing, placed his hands on top of Gordon’s, and the rest of the Science Team was quick to follow.

But it didn’t feel right to leave without saying anything. Gordon apparently felt the same way, as he cleared his throat, getting everyone’s attention.

“I… don’t really know what to say. This all doesn’t feel real, you know? That, after everything, we can finally go home. No more skeletons, no more script. It’s crazy, but… we’ve earned it. Adjusting back to normal life isn’t going to be easy, but we have each other. We always will. Because we’re the Science Team, and _no one fucks with the Science Team_!” Cheers rang out over their hodgepodge little group, everyone wearing the biggest smiles Benrey had ever seen. “Tommy? Would you do the honors?”

“I think I’m- I’m the only one who can, Mister Freeman,” Tommy said, snorting as he did. “But yeah! Let’s go- let's go home!!!”

Benrey didn’t think he’d ever get used to the feeling of teleporting across the map. Clipping through walls was much more his style, after all. He closed his eyes, not wanting to look. One last, stubborn fear that it all might fade away, really. It was stupid.

But as the feeling of sunlight warmed his skin and a soft breeze rustled through his hair, Benrey couldn’t help but open his eyes. The six of them were standing in the middle of a park on a warm, late spring day, and it all looked normal. Benrey’s eyes were wide in wonder, and he felt Gordon squeeze his hand as he just… stared.

There was nothing special about it, really. Benrey had plenty of memories of other parks, other places, and other times that, technically speaking, had this one beat. But none of them mattered as he smelled the faintly bobbing flowers around him, as he heard the cars and laughter and _life_ of Ell’s Row, like it had never even stopped. Because, in that moment, any doubt that he might have had flew away like a leaf on the wind.

This was real. They had won, and they had earned their victory.

They did it. _Really_ did it, this time. No more skeletons, no more script, no more code forcing anyone to be anything except exactly who they wanted to be. Finally, victory was theirs.

They beat the video game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap!! On the main plot, at least. There is gonna be an epilogue chapter out in the next couple days, because there's one more major thing I'd like to address. About a specific string of code, and a conversation a certain security guard promised his boyfriend ; )


	15. A Single Black Coffee (And A Thousand More We Missed)

Gordon stood in front of the coffee machine, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as the scent of his favorite roast filled the air. The morning ritual was usually calming, but it wasn’t doing much to soothe his nerves, not today.

It had been about a week since they had escaped from Black Mesa for the final time, and things had calmed down significantly. True to his word, as soon as they finished their nap (plenty of cuddles included), and Gordon had some quality time with Joshua, Benrey had told him everything. About the connections code, about their shared history, and about how the skeletons had broken it, forcing Gordon to forget him. It was hard to believe, at first. Not because he didn’t trust Benrey, he _did_ , more than anything, but because of how much his entire history had been fucked with if Benrey was right.

He believed Benrey, but he didn’t internalize it as _real_. Not until Benrey mentioned a small, stupid fact offhandedly a few days later. Gordon had just finished making coffee for the morning, making two cups like he usually did. He had never figured out why he did that, it was just a strange habit that made him waste _so much coffee_ , but it wasn’t anything more importance than a minor nuisance. At least not until he asked Benrey how he took his coffee, deciding to offer his boyfriend some instead of just turn the second into his preferred mocha, like he did most mornings. He had woken up Benrey when he slipped in the bathroom that morning, and Gordon had figured he might as well make it up to him with a fresh cup.

So, yeah. Intellectually he knew that he and Benrey had been closer than most people ever connect with someone else in their entire lives, and that they had been a key part of each others’ lives throughout their formative years and beyond. But it hit a little different when he was holding a physical manifestation of that love in his hands. A habit he had tried to break, but never could manage. Because it hadn’t just appeared out of nowhere. It had been their shared morning routine for longer than Joshua had been alive at least twice over.

A single black coffee, made for the man he loved, someone he couldn’t even remember. Just the same as he had every other day of his life, memory or not.

That cup of coffee (it was even in one of Benrey’s favorite mugs) was more real than a thousand different stories Benrey could have told him, no matter how many details that Gordon couldn’t remember Benrey had peppered in. And, as he had held it, as Benrey came over to check on him because he had been staring at the night-black liquid for way too long, Gordon wasn’t ashamed to admit that he started crying.

The failsafe had taken _so damn much_ from his family. And he couldn’t even remember why he made two cups of coffee in the morning.

He hadn’t been able to explain to Benrey why he had cried so hard at a damned cup of coffee. Shrugged it off as residual trauma from Black Mesa, which… wasn’t incorrect. Benrey took the mug when he offered it, but with how long Gordon spent staring at it, the timing apparently wasn’t suspicious enough for Benrey question it. They could talk about that one later. After he remembered.

Which was what today was about. Tommy and his dad had finished doing all of the prep work for restoring PRTG_ANTG_CONNECTIONS a few days ago, but today was the day they were going to actually run the code. Admittedly, part of the reason it had taken so long was because Gordon was worried.

He loved Benrey. Nothing would change that. But he was happy where he was, and he couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that, if he remembered, it could change something.

If he was being honest with himself, that feeling was still there. But he saw the way Benrey looked at him. Saw the way he’d flinch when Gordon said something that hit too close to home, or when he referenced something that Gordon just… didn’t remember, and he’d practically deflate.

When Gordon had casually admitted that he didn’t remember the day that Joshua was born… That was a bad day. Benrey had tried to pretend like it was fine, like it didn’t matter if Gordon remembered giving birth to his _son_ or not, but it wasn’t hard to see just how hurt he was by that realization. Even if it wasn’t his fault, Benrey showing up in the delivery room had been enough for Gordon to lose that memory. Poof, gone like it was never even programmed in.

So they had talked about it. A _lot_. Hours upon hours of talking through it, of Gordon trying to soothe his own nerves while Benrey made sure Gordon didn’t feel pressured into doing anything he didn’t want to do. But Gordon _did_ want to do this, and he knew Benrey wanted him to remember, too.

He had wanted to remember from the moment he learned what he had forgotten. It had just taken him a while to convince himself that nothing would change when he did. Well, that wasn’t true. Plenty would change, but it would change for the better. Gordon was sure about that, now.

Everyone had agreed to meet at Tommy’s house for the event. Gordon wasn’t the only one with holes in his memory, after all, and even if no one else’s were so severe, it didn’t take much for the Science Team to get together. They were family, and even the planned, weekly, family dinners weren’t enough time together.

Gordon pulled up to Tommy’s house, anxiety curled comfortably in his stomach. When he didn’t immediately move to get out of the car, Benrey took his hand in his. “You good, bro?”

He nodded, visibly relaxing at the contact. “Yeah, man. You got Joshie?”

Benrey’s smile warmed his heart. He nodded, getting out of the car to go unclip Joshua from his car seat while Gordon took a few deep breaths. It was gonna be fine. Nothing was going to go wrong, and the only things that were going to change would be for the better.

Gordon got out of the car, taking Benrey’s hand as his boyfriend held Joshua in his other arm. Together, they walked up and rang Tommy’s doorbell. Even before Tommy answered the door, grinning from ear to ear, Gordon could hear his family inside, chatting away.

Tommy ushered the three of them inside, guiding them to the couch as he practically bounced through the house. Everyone was gathered in the living room, with all of them sitting, although some of what they were sitting on required a very generous definition of furniture. Tommy had saved the couch for the three of them, so the rest of the Science Team must have had to split what was left. Darnold was sitting on a loveseat, with a spot for Tommy right next to him. Dr. Coomer was sitting on a chair, but _Bubby_ was draped over him like a dramatic, evil scientist about to greet the hero with a “welcome to my lair” speech. And Mister Coolatta, ever the professional, was sitting perfectly posed… right in front of the TV, on the table it sat on.

Even if it wasn’t his house, walking in and seeing the smiling faces of his family felt like coming home. It always did.

“Howdy, everyone.” Gordon felt Benrey lean into him as the two of them sat down. Joshua was sitting on the ground, closer to the table so he could draw. Benrey passed Joshie his crayons, and the little cowboy got to work.

“Hello, Gordon!” Dr. Coomer still had his little glitches, even now. He never could resist a greeting.

Tommy stood in front of the group, right next to his dad. “Now that- that everyone’s here, we can get started! I checked out the- the connections code, to see who would- would be affected. Besides Mister Freeman and- and Joshua, of course! Doctor Coomer had- had a number of his memories altered, while myself, Mister Coomer, and my dad only had- had a couple minor ones. But even minor- minor memories are best remembered with friends, I think!! So!!! Is everyone ready?”

Gordon looked over everyone in his family. They had been ready since the beginning, really, just waiting on him. So it was only appropriate, really, that he answer for the group. “We’re ready, Tommy. Do your thing.”

As his eyes turned to spirals and his hand began to glow, Tommy smiled.

And, an impossibly large distance away, yet all around them at the same time, the core shifted.

A discarded segment of code, forgotten, yet still remembered, began to glow as it began to repair itself. The dark blue, once the only remaining color against the grey of the central core, pulsed brighter with energy, the white strands connecting it with the other code humming with potential. The grey half, cracked and still, remained just as lifeless as it had been a second ago.

For a moment, if anyone were watching, it would have looked like the code had failed. That the grey would remain shattered forever.

And then, this theoretical watcher would have blinked. Less than an instant, but enough for it to make a difference. A question, unasked. Was the dark blue that… warm, a second ago?

The dark blue’s light dimmed, power flowing from it to, seemingly, nowhere. But as it reached its dimmest, nearly as drab as its other half, orange light surged forth from the broken connections, bathing the entire core in a brilliant, tangerine shine. Even as the first pulse of orange faded, the blue surged anew, matching its partner in time. Back and forth, the energy flowed between the two halves, an elaborate, demanding dance, as with each fall of the blue came the orange’s resurgance, with cracks receding and the white lines, shattered memories and cut connections, bursting forth to find their place amongst the code once again. Even as the two partners danced with one another, so did they dance through the core. Rising from the ashy grave it had been left to, the connections code floated from the center of the core, up and out to where the life of the game lived. As it moved, the white threads, long discarded and forgotten, found where they once held strong to the rest of the code. A past, once forgotten, became remembered. A love, kindled from the ashes left behind, burned anew.

Time does not exist in the core the same way it does within the boundaries of the map. Watching, enraptured, you would not know how long it took for the connections code to restore itself, nor would you know if it happened slowly or all at once.

But there was not a single bit of binary that did not sing with the power of its joyful restoration when it was done. When the wound that had been dug so deeply into the code by the failsafe that had claimed the code its ally had finally healed.

Whatever the intention of the ones who had wrote the code, it no longer mattered. The pieces had taken the game into their own hands. The final remnants of whatever author the game may have once had died with the failsafe, which now sat in the deepest depths of the core, broken and forgotten.

And, back in Tommy’s house, Gordon Freeman remembered.

Was it strange to say that he was expecting it to be more dramatic? Some sort of dawning realization that made everything come together in a brand new way, flipping his world on its head? Because remembering wasn’t like that.

It was softer, like a fog he didn’t know was there had finally been lifted. The sun’s first rays cutting it away at the same time as they warmed his skin. One moment, there was nothing. Then there was _everything_.

Yet, none of it was overwhelming. It all felt right, like it was always meant to be there. And, he supposed, that’s exactly what it was. He didn’t have a dramatic flashback, or see all of his memories play back in front of his eyes. That wasn’t how memories work. They were just there, the foundation for who he was and the choices that he had made.

And... he wouldn’t lie. Thinking back on some of the things he did in Black Mesa the first time, the things he said to Benrey? Those hurt. And the fact that he had _meant_ them hurt more.

But as Gordon looked at Benrey, that hurt faded away. Because, for the first time in months, when he looked at Benrey, he _saw him_. He wasn’t the security guard, or the final boss, or even just his boyfriend. He was _Benrey_. Just Benrey. So much more than _just_ Benrey.

Gordon, his eyes filled with nothing but love, lifted his hands, cupping Benrey’s face as he smiled.

Even if it wasn’t overwhelming to have his memories returned to him after so long, Gordon still found it easier to focus on the small things. The little things he never stopped doing, even when Benrey was gone, were at the forefront of his mind as he looked down at his blushing boyfriend. How often he had flipped over in the early mornings, disappointed by the lack of another body he couldn’t explain. The times he had called Joshua “our” son, something the Science Team had teased him for more than once. How he’d say a joke to an empty house, surprised when he didn’t hear someone laughing at his terrible sense of humor.

In those moments, Gordon thought of the thousand cups of coffee he had made, only to look down and find himself holding two mugs with no one to give one to. About how the void-black liquid made him feel hollow and alone. How it made him yearn for the touch of someone he couldn’t even remember.

But that touch was there, it was _real_ , as Benrey’s face was cupped in his hands. The deep black of the shadow that covered his eyes so familiar that, in that moment, Gordon could have sworn he smelled coffee.

“Whatcha thinking about, bro? Our summer wedding?” Benrey’s voice drew him out of his thoughts with all the grace of a caffeinated raccoon, and Gordon wouldn’t have it any other way. He snorted, grinning at the man he loved.

“I never stopped making you coffee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the epilogue!!! I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who's read this fic. The fact that so many people enjoyed something I made is really overwhelming ;-;
> 
> I hope everyone who's made it this far enjoyed themselves, and that this ending delivers on the promise of "angst with a happy ending" made in the tags!


End file.
